(29 January 2003, Brazil) At work, Manoel Messias Batista Coelho was responsible for cleaning out the storage tanks of gasoline tanker trucks. He had been employed in that capacity for two months when he ran afoul of fuel.
The 35-year-old began to fill a tanker with water, a standard safety procedure that forces flammable vapor out of the container. He returned an hour later to check whether the water level was high enough to proceed. But he had trouble deciding, because it was so DARK inside the tanker.

A resourceful employee, Manoel forgot the very reason why he was filling the tank with water when he lit a cigarette lighter to shed some light on the situation. His little test successfully determined that the water level was NOT yet high enough for safety. The vapor explosion launched him through the air, and he landed in the company parking lot 100 meters away.

Manoel suffered severe burns, blunt force trauma, and an injury to the head that exposed his brain. Our witless car washer had learned his terminal lesson in safety by the time the firemen arrived.

(16 March 2003, Michigan) Ignoring Coast Guard warnings, David Manley ventured onto the icy surface of Saginaw Bay with his pickup truck one chilly morning. Predictably, the vehicle broke through the ice, but the 41-year-old managed to avert tragedy and escape from the sinking truck. He reached the shore wet and cold, but alive.
Despite his traumatic experience, and despite a day of sunshine and warm temperatures in the 60s, David returned to Saginaw Bay late the following night. This time he was driving an all-terrain vehicle, and accompanied by a friend. Surprise! The ATV also plunged through the ice.

His companion survived, but David had used up his luck. His body was recovered by the Coast Guard southwest of the Channel Islands. An autopsy was scheduled to determine whether anything besides a desire to win a Darwin Award was a factor in his demise.

(17 February 2003, New York) A 25-year-old man, long accustomed to annoying neighbors by snowmobiling at high speeds through sleeping streets, finally received his comeuppance -- and in the process, a Darwinian nomination -- when he drove headfirst into a tree.
It is not only his reckless speeding through a nighttime residential area that makes him eligible, nor is it merely because he was driving an unregistered, uninsured snowmobile without a helmet while drunk. Although these spectacularly stupid ideas were ultimately responsible for his demise, there is yet another relevant aspect to report.

Brian "The Brain" Sabinsky was a fireman, a member of the same company dispatched to peel him off the tree, the same organization that preaches snowmobile safety; responds to other gruesome, drunken, helmet-free snowmobile "accidents" every year; and the very same company that posts an illuminated "helmet safety" notice 700 feet from his own home.

Clearly, while others have been as foolish as Brian in their choice of recreational activities, few have been so uniquely aware of the possible repercussions prior to making that choice!

19 September 2003, Virginia
Hurricane Isabel tore into the East Coast, turning shallow creeks into raging rivers before she calmed down to a violent tropical storm. What better time to go canoeing? Especially at 2:30 in the morning, on a moonless night, to cap off a fun party?

Enter Christopher “Blumpkin” Ball, 21, captain of the James Madison University rugby team, a man described by a teammate as “insane, just indestructible.” This ballroom-dancing rugby player left his own party early one morning, with friends who “thought it would be all ha, ha, and funny to take the canoe” to Blumpkin's old house, straight down Blacks Run Stream.

Winds were gusting to more than 50 mph, snapping trees like toothpicks, as nearly a foot of rain fell on the Shenandoah Valley. Rescue Squad chief Brandon Peavy told the reporter that the normally knee-deep water of Blacks Run was over a six-foot person's head. Blumpkin's canoe quickly capsized in the swift storm-fed stream, tossing its occupants into the churning water.

His female companion managed to reach the shore. His male companion, who knew it “wasn't a good idea from the start,” climbed onto the bank near a railroad trestle. But our “indestructible” friend Blumpkin was sucked underwater twice, never to resurface. He was found at dawn, 100 yards downstream.

Chief Peavy was not allowed to comment on whether alcohol or drugs were involved in the accident.

[sidebar] Clearly, the “indestructible” Blumpkin never earned his Boy Scout merit badge in canoeing: “If in doubt about danger… land and survey the water from shore before proceeding. Do not run any but the mildest rapids unless you have a guide who knows the river thoroughly. Wear life jackets in all rough water...”

14 December 2004, Heaton Chapel, England
England's double-decker buses are not just pretty to look at, they're also incredibly heavy, weighing in at 10 tons or more. They're about as easy to stop as a good-sized yacht. John Rothwell, 40, probably wasn't considering this when he confronted a double-decker from three feet away, armed only with a brick.

John had been upstairs on the bus with two drunken companions, a man and a woman. One of the men hit the woman, who ran downstairs crying for help. The driver immediately stopped the bus to see what was happening. The two men tumbled down the stairs in pursuit.

One of the men forced open the doors of the bus and ran off. The second man followed him. When all seemed calm again, the confused bus driver began to continue on his route. The bus was just 30 feet down the road, traveling about 10 mph, when John darted in front, hefting a foot-long ornamental brick he had pulled from a nearby wall. Standing just three feet in front of the bus, John tossed the brick at the bus driver.

Despite being showered with shattered glass from the windshield, the driver braked and swerved to avoid the former passenger. But it was too late. John was crushed under the wheels and died later at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport.

21 December 2004, Albany, Georgia
All Reggie Barnnett wanted to do was cut down a tree behind his girlfriend's house. It was the kind of good deed that might be expected of the 47-year-old associate pastor at Hines Memorial Church, who also helped out with the church's youth group. Instead, the uncooperative tree crushed him and started a fire that burned him beyond recognition.

Reggie had borrowed his father's pickup truck, apparently in the belief that he could yank out the bottom of the tree, which would then fall away from the truck. He tied the truck to the tree and floored the accelerator. The tree toppled onto the truck, crushing the cab and trapping Reggie. The still-running engine eventually overheated, starting a grass fire. The flames ignited the truck's gas tank, turning the truck into a fireball. Police said Reggie was probably dead before the truck caught fire.

31 December 2004, Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe
The 100-year-old Victoria Falls Bridge links Zimbabwe and Zambia offering a spectacular view of the 80-meter chasm. Continuous spray from the massive waterfall makes the rocks and vegetation along the lip as slippery as a slide at a water park, but far more dangerous. "Notoriously slippery," according to the Mail & Guardian newspaper.

While taking pictures at the falls with his girlfriend on New Year's Eve, Michael John Drake, 50, headmaster at Johannesburg's Summit College and a highly sought-after lecturer at geography conferences, dropped his spectacles over the rim. He would hardly be able to enjoy the view without them, so he decided to retrieve them.

Edging out on the slick rim, he slipped and fell 40 meters to his death. His body had to be recovered by helicopter. Reports fail to mention whether the spectacles had been retrieved.

15 February 2005, Rushinga, Zimbabwe
The elephants were trampling Christian's maize field, which he planted on an elephant trail of long standing. He had to find a way to fight back! Fortunately, there was an old minefield nearby, on the Zimabwe-Mozambique border. Christian figured a few landmines planted around his field would soon teach the elephants a lesson they would never forget.

Christian may have gotten the idea of using the mines from a couple of incidents that had recently transpired. A local resident had been injured after picking up a landmine while herding cattle the week before. A week before that, another Rushinga man had lost part of his leg after stepping on a landmine. The other villagers saw the writing on the wall, and avoided the landmines.

But Christian realized they were just what he needed! Clearly, these mines could cause great damage to an elephant! He dug up five that had been exposed by recent heavy rains, and began carrying them home.

These unstable mines detonated, killing Christian instantly.

Then total number of elephants injured? Zero.

(30 May 2001, Hillsboro, Oregon) Ismael, 25, was driving a Toyota truck when he lost control of the vehicle, which careened into a mailbox, collided with a utility pole, and flipped onto its side, knocking down high-voltage power lines in the process. At that point, Ishmael climbed from the truck and into the path of evolution.

He surveyed the situation with a pair of pruning shears in his hand. Police speculate that he reached up to clip the snaking, arcing cable lying across his truck, and was electrocuted when the shears touched the 7500-volt cable. A medical examination found that the current travelled across his heart and out his left foot. He was found lying motionless, face-down on the power line, with a pair of pruning shears in his hands.

His dazed passenger survived, only to be arrested on an unrelated warrant.

"He really got caught up in his work."

(01 March 2000, Maine) The owner of the Carrier Chipping Company inadvertently reproduced the chilling climactic scene in the movie Fargo, and was rent asunder by his own wood chipper.
The chipper, affectionately known as the "Hog," will take birch or maple logs up to 24 inches in diameter and reduce them to 3/4" chips of wood. Employees were working late to make up for time spent repairing equipment malfunctions earlier in the day. When the Hog jammed, Michael climbed the conveyor belt feeding the chipper and used a rake to break up the bark jam in the chute.

Director C. William Freeman of the Bangor Occupational Safety and Health Administration said, "Generally, our experience (of fatal accidents involving chippers) has found two causes: inadequate machine guarding, or a failure to institute an effective lockout-tagout program when someone is unjamming pieces of equipment." Apparently Michael was not a proponent of lockout-tagout procedures. His efforts were directed against a machine that was still in operation.

The Skowhegan resident was somewhat the worse for the wear after his passage through the Hog. Police Chief Butch Asselin said that the remains would be subjected to DNA analysis for a positive ID, and added "I hope I never, ever see anything like this, ever again. I had a hard time sleeping last night."