(29 January 2003, Brazil) At work, Manoel Messias Batista Coelho was responsible for cleaning out the storage tanks of gasoline tanker trucks. He had been employed in that capacity for two months when he ran afoul of fuel.
The 35-year-old began to fill a tanker with water, a standard safety procedure that forces flammable vapor out of the container. He returned an hour later to check whether the water level was high enough to proceed. But he had trouble deciding, because it was so DARK inside the tanker.

A resourceful employee, Manoel forgot the very reason why he was filling the tank with water when he lit a cigarette lighter to shed some light on the situation. His little test successfully determined that the water level was NOT yet high enough for safety. The vapor explosion launched him through the air, and he landed in the company parking lot 100 meters away.

Manoel suffered severe burns, blunt force trauma, and an injury to the head that exposed his brain. Our witless car washer had learned his terminal lesson in safety by the time the firemen arrived.

(3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub.

Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian.

An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you'll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way.

Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud...

Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down.

Clement Vallandigham was a well-known Northern Democrat who campaigned for states' rights during the Civil War. In 1863 Vallandigham was convicted of treason for his speeches attacking the administration of President Lincoln. He was banished to the South, where he continued to voice his political views.
After the war, Vallandingham became a lawyer. In his last appearance in the courtroom, he represented a client on trial for murder. The accused man's defense was that the victim had drawn his own gun in a fashion that caused it to fire, killing himself. To prove the defense argument, Vallandigham demonstrated the victim's method of drawing a gun--using the loaded evidence gun as his prop. The firearm went off, and he lost his life--but proved his case.

(17 February 2003, New York) A 25-year-old man, long accustomed to annoying neighbors by snowmobiling at high speeds through sleeping streets, finally received his comeuppance -- and in the process, a Darwinian nomination -- when he drove headfirst into a tree.
It is not only his reckless speeding through a nighttime residential area that makes him eligible, nor is it merely because he was driving an unregistered, uninsured snowmobile without a helmet while drunk. Although these spectacularly stupid ideas were ultimately responsible for his demise, there is yet another relevant aspect to report.

Brian "The Brain" Sabinsky was a fireman, a member of the same company dispatched to peel him off the tree, the same organization that preaches snowmobile safety; responds to other gruesome, drunken, helmet-free snowmobile "accidents" every year; and the very same company that posts an illuminated "helmet safety" notice 700 feet from his own home.

Clearly, while others have been as foolish as Brian in their choice of recreational activities, few have been so uniquely aware of the possible repercussions prior to making that choice!

(3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub.

Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian.

An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you'll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way.

Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud...

Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down.

19 September 2003, Virginia
Hurricane Isabel tore into the East Coast, turning shallow creeks into raging rivers before she calmed down to a violent tropical storm. What better time to go canoeing? Especially at 2:30 in the morning, on a moonless night, to cap off a fun party?

Enter Christopher “Blumpkin” Ball, 21, captain of the James Madison University rugby team, a man described by a teammate as “insane, just indestructible.” This ballroom-dancing rugby player left his own party early one morning, with friends who “thought it would be all ha, ha, and funny to take the canoe” to Blumpkin's old house, straight down Blacks Run Stream.

Winds were gusting to more than 50 mph, snapping trees like toothpicks, as nearly a foot of rain fell on the Shenandoah Valley. Rescue Squad chief Brandon Peavy told the reporter that the normally knee-deep water of Blacks Run was over a six-foot person's head. Blumpkin's canoe quickly capsized in the swift storm-fed stream, tossing its occupants into the churning water.

His female companion managed to reach the shore. His male companion, who knew it “wasn't a good idea from the start,” climbed onto the bank near a railroad trestle. But our “indestructible” friend Blumpkin was sucked underwater twice, never to resurface. He was found at dawn, 100 yards downstream.

Chief Peavy was not allowed to comment on whether alcohol or drugs were involved in the accident.

[sidebar] Clearly, the “indestructible” Blumpkin never earned his Boy Scout merit badge in canoeing: “If in doubt about danger… land and survey the water from shore before proceeding. Do not run any but the mildest rapids unless you have a guide who knows the river thoroughly. Wear life jackets in all rough water...”

14 December 2004, Heaton Chapel, England
England's double-decker buses are not just pretty to look at, they're also incredibly heavy, weighing in at 10 tons or more. They're about as easy to stop as a good-sized yacht. John Rothwell, 40, probably wasn't considering this when he confronted a double-decker from three feet away, armed only with a brick.

John had been upstairs on the bus with two drunken companions, a man and a woman. One of the men hit the woman, who ran downstairs crying for help. The driver immediately stopped the bus to see what was happening. The two men tumbled down the stairs in pursuit.

One of the men forced open the doors of the bus and ran off. The second man followed him. When all seemed calm again, the confused bus driver began to continue on his route. The bus was just 30 feet down the road, traveling about 10 mph, when John darted in front, hefting a foot-long ornamental brick he had pulled from a nearby wall. Standing just three feet in front of the bus, John tossed the brick at the bus driver.

Despite being showered with shattered glass from the windshield, the driver braked and swerved to avoid the former passenger. But it was too late. John was crushed under the wheels and died later at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport.

21 December 2004, Albany, Georgia
All Reggie Barnnett wanted to do was cut down a tree behind his girlfriend's house. It was the kind of good deed that might be expected of the 47-year-old associate pastor at Hines Memorial Church, who also helped out with the church's youth group. Instead, the uncooperative tree crushed him and started a fire that burned him beyond recognition.

Reggie had borrowed his father's pickup truck, apparently in the belief that he could yank out the bottom of the tree, which would then fall away from the truck. He tied the truck to the tree and floored the accelerator. The tree toppled onto the truck, crushing the cab and trapping Reggie. The still-running engine eventually overheated, starting a grass fire. The flames ignited the truck's gas tank, turning the truck into a fireball. Police said Reggie was probably dead before the truck caught fire

31 December 2004, Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe
The 100-year-old Victoria Falls Bridge links Zimbabwe and Zambia offering a spectacular view of the 80-meter chasm. Continuous spray from the massive waterfall makes the rocks and vegetation along the lip as slippery as a slide at a water park, but far more dangerous. "Notoriously slippery," according to the Mail & Guardian newspaper.

While taking pictures at the falls with his girlfriend on New Year's Eve, Michael John Drake, 50, headmaster at Johannesburg's Summit College and a highly sought-after lecturer at geography conferences, dropped his spectacles over the rim. He would hardly be able to enjoy the view without them, so he decided to retrieve them.

Edging out on the slick rim, he slipped and fell 40 meters to his death. His body had to be recovered by helicopter. Reports fail to mention whether the spectacles had been retrieved.

15 February 2005, Rushinga, Zimbabwe
The elephants were trampling Christian's maize field, which he planted on an elephant trail of long standing. He had to find a way to fight back! Fortunately, there was an old minefield nearby, on the Zimabwe-Mozambique border. Christian figured a few landmines planted around his field would soon teach the elephants a lesson they would never forget.

Christian may have gotten the idea of using the mines from a couple of incidents that had recently transpired. A local resident had been injured after picking up a landmine while herding cattle the week before. A week before that, another Rushinga man had lost part of his leg after stepping on a landmine. The other villagers saw the writing on the wall, and avoided the landmines.

But Christian realized they were just what he needed! Clearly, these mines could cause great damage to an elephant! He dug up five that had been exposed by recent heavy rains, and began carrying them home.

These unstable mines detonated, killing Christian instantly.

Then total number of elephants injured? Zero.

(30 May 2001, Hillsboro, Oregon) Ismael, 25, was driving a Toyota truck when he lost control of the vehicle, which careened into a mailbox, collided with a utility pole, and flipped onto its side, knocking down high-voltage power lines in the process. At that point, Ishmael climbed from the truck and into the path of evolution.

He surveyed the situation with a pair of pruning shears in his hand. Police speculate that he reached up to clip the snaking, arcing cable lying across his truck, and was electrocuted when the shears touched the 7500-volt cable. A medical examination found that the current travelled across his heart and out his left foot. He was found lying motionless, face-down on the power line, with a pair of pruning shears in his hands.

His dazed passenger survived, only to be arrested on an unrelated warrant.

"He really got caught up in his work."

(01 March 2000, Maine) The owner of the Carrier Chipping Company inadvertently reproduced the chilling climactic scene in the movie Fargo, and was rent asunder by his own wood chipper.
The chipper, affectionately known as the "Hog," will take birch or maple logs up to 24 inches in diameter and reduce them to 3/4" chips of wood. Employees were working late to make up for time spent repairing equipment malfunctions earlier in the day. When the Hog jammed, Michael climbed the conveyor belt feeding the chipper and used a rake to break up the bark jam in the chute.

Director C. William Freeman of the Bangor Occupational Safety and Health Administration said, "Generally, our experience (of fatal accidents involving chippers) has found two causes: inadequate machine guarding, or a failure to institute an effective lockout-tagout program when someone is unjamming pieces of equipment." Apparently Michael was not a proponent of lockout-tagout procedures. His efforts were directed against a machine that was still in operation.

The Skowhegan resident was somewhat the worse for the wear after his passage through the Hog. Police Chief Butch Asselin said that the remains would be subjected to DNA analysis for a positive ID, and added "I hope I never, ever see anything like this, ever again. I had a hard time sleeping last night."

(2000, Colorado) Summer is the most blissful of seasons, when our favorite summertime activity -- do it yourself stupidity -- kicks into high gear. Meet Charles, 34, a Denver masonry contractor who created brick and mortar edifices. Charles was in construction. He had worked on houses, he had watched electricians install wiring. He believed this qualified him as a member of the Junior Electrician Society. He figured he could handle any electrical issue that came up around his own home.

One day on the job, Charles was apparently bonked in the head by his bricks. He had the great idea! He would build an electric fence in his own backyard. "An electric fence will keep the dogs in." Charles connected a wire to an extension cord, and managed to encircle his backyard with a 120-V strand of wire without mishap. His dogs will not be sued for puppy support with this security system in place!

The household became accustomed to the fence, and things settled down to normal, until Charles picked up a passion for gardening. Charles had a real nice set of tomatoes, and I'm not referring to his wife. One day he reached for a tomato, put his hand on the electrified wire, and there's really no need to explain what happened next.

Why did this man die? Like other inexperienced people, he thought he knew what he was doing. But his design had two major flaws. Fences constructed for dogs use one-tenth the voltage of cattle fences (which do use 120 volts.) And he needed to install a repeater, which transmits 150-microsecond pulses, to hit a cow with a jolt of juice that cuts off in time to avoid creating a pile of rare steaks by the fence.

The moral of this story is, as always, one of the guiding principles of common sense: if you don't know how to do something, don't do it!

Converted from<a href="http://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=team&op=view&team_id=193459"> Dead Sea Skulls</a> <br /> and convinced that is was far
better to be a zombie than to look
pathetic with a ball.

As any good necromancer KNOWS;
skeletons and zombies are unfit
for such tricksy ball handling stuff...