*in a really gravely voice....

Hullo, I hail from a city called Praag. i was a foundling, who was taken in by a blind lady with four other orphans of a similar size to myself. At first they resented the extra mouth that had to be fed, they called me names because i was a bit of a wierd shade of blue, they often played tricks on me because i was so slow to catch on. The first time i saw any hint of friendship was after a time when we were gathering berries near the small river that ran nearby.
We all took turns standing on each others shoulders to reach the fruit high in the trees, i seemed to be able to be still longer than the others, so i was on the bottom most of the time, after a while there was a snuffling noise in shrubbery nearby, and scratchy sounds from the root of hour tree, i could smell and hear this clearly, while the others could not. so one by one i hoisted them into the tree, the tree started to shake and seemed to sink lower to the ground, the skittering noises got louder and the smell was getting intense, the tree took another lurch and sank further into the ground, the others were starting to scream so i grabbed one and carried him to another tree, i did the same to the second, on the way to get the third i saw a grotesque creature that looked for all the world like a giant rat, i ran to the tree in time to see a hole appearing at the base, i grabbed the third child and , with strength i never knew i had, threw him to the other tree, i did this to the last child just before the whole tree fell into the earth up to its thinnest branches.
out of the hole more of these creatures came, i was overcome with a wierd lust for fighting and started to grab at the creatures, biting and ripping, slashing at them, grabbing them, pulling heads and limbs off with my bare hands and teeth, all the while bellowing in a voice i did not recognise as my own........

(editor)- this epic description of battle carried on for 2 more pages, i have abridged the rest to save those of more delicate minds.

after a while of feeding savagely i could hear/smell something new...

a weird bald thing, that looked for all the world to be human strolled into the clearing....

he killed the animals that were still moving and told us all to get on the cart nearby....

every few years he would show up again....

when i had grown to be obviously different to everyone else and had started to cause grief and trouble to my now ancient "mother" the man who called himself "Pushbloke" said he had a place where i could be happy.....

I now know what i am...

I have been raised to be able to read and write and respect those who are my freinds, and to be wary of those who are not,,,,,,

I am now a Bloodbowl addict, it gives me the same rush i had whilst in battle, and means i can afford to study and be alone when i am not playing....

I love this game....

As a monkey growing up out in the sticks i used to play "Chicken Bowl" (we couldnt afford a ball, so we used chickens). i soon found out i was hurting the others a bit. It was after a particularly nasty incident (when I pulled a gibbons arm clean off) I was asked to go to trials for the Boondock County Team. i was signed up on the spot and now find myself in the worlds premier Fumbbl League.
Since i have been signed up i have also been approached by several modelling agencies, and am set to appear as James Boned in the new Bloodwieser commercial.
The only thing I am really missing is chickens, so have to make do with all the stunty creatures i find lying around on the pitches after the games.

I have always wanted to be a wizard. I even went to Altdorf to train. but as soon as i got within sight of the walls, these bloody Humies started shooting pointy sticks at me! I was so angry at not being allowed to go to the royal college that i went a bit over the top and began pulling them to bits (i have since tried to apologise, but they always start to try and hurt me).
It was while dismembering some humies that a wierd bald chap told me that in return for hurting people he would train me to be a wizard.
i thought as i was doing this anyway, and nobody else would teach me, I might as well. i'm not sure if I will like doing it but I am about to find out...

Dont be daft, i'm a stuffed toy, how can i have a bio?
some people are just so stoopid.....


But for a stuffed to i seem to be a fair player of bloodbowl, hmmmm......

As the now leading scorer, I must reconsider my status in this world, I had always thought of myself as a soft toy, I'm not supposed to be able to do complex tasks.
In fact the very words you are reading are decidedly peculiar for a toy...

Dont be stoopid, I'm a stuffed toy, how can i have a bio?
Doh!
Erm disregard the previous statement, of course, I am slighty more than a stuffed toy, but in someways slightly less....
my bio is in fact one of the most intersting of recent times blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah continuem ad infinitum

Ug is good at stuff. momma used to say so. Momma said that if i wanted stuff i have to go and get stuff. Momma said life is like a box of choco-lates, i cant remember why she said that tho, but i ate all the choco-lates anyhow, i like being good at stuff

"I love this game, always have, always will. I'm not very good, but I will do anything to play.....ANYTHING!!!"