Jack Teiwes is portly, oddly proportioned, and wears glasses. His facial hair catches the many flecks of saliva that are constantly escaping his mouth on account of his severe halitosis.

Laughing at his own jokes, leering down the cleavages of every woman he sees, regardless of how they're dressed, Jack earned his place in the Poo Pals not by being a poo per se, but by behaving like one.