MOVE YOU MUPPETS, MOVE! FOR FUCKS SAKE! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT YOU FUCKING SSP-FARMERS? STOP PLAYING LIKE NEWBS AND DO AS I SAY! STOP CHASING CAS AND WATCH THE BALL! FFS!!!

Toban can blink to a safe spot after getting pushed back by a block. He's a magical gnome! He earned his rank by taking down a hobogoblin, but not without taking himself down in the process too. This is one vicious, lethal gnome.

AND HE TOLD YOU TO MOVE, MUPPET!

General Hospital replaced General Discomfort. Hospital crippled two snotlings in his first game for the Squirrels, lending a delightful air of irony to his name.

Ever since Major Guilt scored his first touchdown (one of only a total 3 for the Squirrels!) he has been loudly thinking about changing his name to Major Accomplishment.

The Major is not above kicking a bull in the balls when it's down. And breaking its jaw while he's at it.

Captain Catterpillar once hurt a man just to see him go "What the fuck, a gnome did this?"

He has also killed a troll. Or, more precisely, the troll killed itself on Catterpillar. Apparantly running into a gnome and falling down is an acepted way to commit suicide in trollworld.

First Sergeant Fizzle reporting for duty!

Lieutenant Loco almost scored a touchdown at one point but he got buried under two linesmen when he was just one step away from the endzone. Loco fumbled the ball and it bounced in front of the feet of Major Guilt who picked it up and scored. Unfortunately the officials did not count it as assist for Loco. Boo to them for keeping a good gnome down!

Not generally known as a violent gnome, Lieutnenants Loco one caused causality came about as accident. A Snotling tried to stop him and killed himself in the process. It's a bad idea to throw yourself against this solid wall of moving gnomish steel. Don't mess with Loco!

Big Momma, the old trusty cannon, delivered two perfectly placed shots into the endzone in the Squirrels second ever game. Two shots on target and two touchdowns. Big Momma was rightfully voted MVP (Most Valuable Projectile-weapon) of the game!

Recently the gnomes tinkered with her aiming system to decrease the chance of misfire. The new modifications have yet to be tested in the field, but the technicians say the likeliness of explosions is no larger than average.

Feepi Gaintkiller fears no man nor orc nor troll nor, indeed, gaint. She'll take on the biggest, meanest, baddest baddies she can find and not only win but be cheerful about it the whole time. That's the true gnomish, squirrely spirit. Yay Feepi!

Battle of big bad Horn: Feepi knocked down a Minotaur. She was carried out on a stretcher but the fallen Minotaur got kicked in the balls by one of her fellow gnomes and was out for the rest of the game and the next one too. Victory!

Cleaning up the Boogers: Feepi knocked around three big trolls for the entire game, driving one of them into ending its own life. Captain Caterpillar was credited with the kill, but we know who was truly responsible. When Feepi was out of Trolls, she killed a Snotling and scored a touchdown to spend the time. Big cheers!

He's bad, he's red, and your feet won't ever hang out of bed ... after he is done chopping them off, he's that mad!

Current Kill Count: Boils (Snotling Hero)

Three games and three causalities. Red is well on his way to develop into a tiny unstoppable killing machine!

The first (and so far still the only) Mad Bomma who succeeded in hurting a player that wasn't on his own team, Mad Max is an inspiration to all other explosion junkies.

Mad Bommaz develop their skills in three stages:

1) Hurting yourself
2) Hurting your friends
3) Hurting your enemy

Mad Mitt, by hard work and sheer luck, has worked his way up to the second phase. His fellow gnomes only pray he'll soon reach the third stage.

Mad Bommaz develop their skills in three stages:

1) Hurting yourself
2) Hurting your friends
3) Hurting your enemy

Mad Marv has been stuck on the "hurt yourself" stage for one game now.

Crazy foo!