<b>Crimes:</b> Coulter plummets down the list as she slips into irrelevance. As her columns degenerate further into absurd, incoherent attacks against her own personal paranoid fantasy of fanged, drooling, Saddam-loving liberals who hate America and childish France-bashing, we find our outrage slowly giving way to a baffled “I can’t believe I used to go out with you” feeling. Her arguments are ridiculous, her vitriol forced, her hatchet face even harder to look at. Still, she insulted a one-armed war veteran, called reports of the hundreds of tons of missing munitions in Iraq false, claimed Wesley Clark was pro-infanticide, and blamed Abu Ghraib on the presence of women in the armed forces—they’re not all like you, Ann—and on and on. It’s just not worth debunking someone who has no credibility in the first place.

<b>Crimes:</b> Turns out to be the most boring comedian, gay or straight, since…ever. Her Seinfeld on Quaaludes routine isn’t just tedious; it’s harrowing—watching her belabor a gag that wasn’t funny in the first place about opening a jar of pickles for minutes is enough to make anybody groan. Her cookie cutter talk show succeeds for the simple reason that, beyond the gay thing, viewers know that Ellen will always be nice and won’t let any negative information invade their fragile minds. If Degeneres were a straight man, she’d be getting booed off the stage at a tiny club in Scranton right about now.

<b>Crimes:</b> The first best-selling author who could be sodomized with a well-thrown baseball since Truman Capote. Her newfound mainstream legitimacy as an icon of America’s freakish love for porn is directly related to her former incarnation as the best bj of the ‘90s.

<b>Crimes:</b> Oh the first lady, what an inspiration she must be to android researchers everywhere. Smile, nod, smile, (look interested) nod, put on $50,000 dress, ....-off the president and there you have a typical day for the first lady. Corporate yes-wives like her will hasten the coming of mandated burkas for American women. Actually looks related to George, which might explain their mongoloid children.

<b>Crimes: </b>Chooses projects on the basis of how opportunistic they are in exploiting her body. Followed her sweaty boinkfest in Die Another Day with the worthless atrocity Catwoman. Her tearful 2002 Oscar acceptance speech for Monster’s Ball (which also included a fevered humping scene) put her in competition with Barbara Streisand for the title of most self-important woman in Hollywood.

<b>Crimes: </b>The ultimate “ugly American,” England represents everything people hate about us—ignorance, perversion, racism, and denial. The most authentic trailer trash to enter the public spotlight since Anna Nicole, complete with illegitimate baby by an abusive ex-boyfriend and experience in the meat processing industry. Described by her no doubt horrific mother as having been “in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

<b>Crimes: </b>The gleaming flagship of the triumphant return of bimboism. The aesthetic equivalent of vitamin D milk. Makes Britney Spears look like a Rhodes scholar. Managed to crap out a hit single by removing every remotely innovative element from Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.”

<b>Crimes:</b> Continues to find ways to damage the fabric of society with her very presence. In 2004 she rapidly transformed from a washed up, sedated blimp to a washed up, sedated hooker, thanks to some pill-marketing scam brought to us by a paralyzed FDA and a hard drug addiction. Has grown more incoherent with every lost pound, to the point that she is like some tawdry copy of a pre-death Marylyn Monroe without any Arthur Miller to suppress her. Lost her money, but still worships at the altar of attention—any kind of attention, at any cost.

<b>Crimes:</b> Wasting space in our minds. Not being pretty, talented or interesting, yet expecting people beyond her family to pay attention to her. Further indoctrinating teenage girls with the poisonous idea that if they just act like obnoxious, spoiled brats they will somehow never have to work.

<b>Crimes: </b>The phrase “politics is show business for ugly people” has never had so fine a foil. Smirks condescendingly at senior Senators when they ask her silly questions about gross negligence in the area of national security. Winner of the Beast award for most likely to make Grover Norquist’s "Reforms" hard. Promoted for feverishly licking Cheney’s boot for four years.

<b>Crimes:</b> The most ghastly face science has managed to create without the use of chemical weapons. As a pioneer in facial reconstruction, she shows us that, in the future, every famous woman will gradually turn into a cross between a sickly geisha and the Joker. The red carpet fashion-cop shtick she does with her broken, spiritless daughter is such an obvious inferiority complex manifestation we almost feel sorry for them, until we remember they’re making millions of dollars for it.

Crimes:
Well, in her case... existing!