I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.

...I'm allergic to peanuts.

This is kinda like the time i rolled doubles and took claw...

AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Peter! You've been eating my legs??

"What the deuce?"

Hello Diane, I'm standing outside the Skavenblight Statium, because they don't allow Asians inside.

you're wasting your time! Forget about it! You're never gonna catch me! See you next year!

And me? I like the sauce.

Giggity Giggity ... Allriight!

Ohh, Peeetah!

I had a terrable head cold. I had mucus running down my face. The other children wre very mean to me about that. They said mean hurtful things to me. The called me "tastycakes" and they would beat me and stick pine cones in my ass. Those were very bad times.

I just bought a Rottweiler, and I need a sign to warn people how dangerous it is.

Ah, yes, here it is: "ONE WAY." So people will know if they step into my yard, there's only one way out--in a body bag from dog injuries.

You don't wanna hurt yourself dancin'. Make sure you stretch out those creamy hamstrings.

Why bother? I'm just a freak. A freak!

Oh, Peter, that tickles me in a way that if Loretta tickled me in that way, I'd say, "Oh, yeah. That's nice. That's the spot."

HOLY CRAP!! NO!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!