SOLAR PLEXIS!

"When Valentine said "jump" the Squad Force asked, "in which hyper jump boots?" Her take-no-prisoners attitude and tough-as-screws exterior was only softened by her incredibly sexy voice, body, interpretive dance and flawless genetic composition."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 1 - Once Again, Brave Warrior, Forth Into the Breach (page 3 of 7)

"What's wrong" asked Burggl. "What's going on, bro?". He was a good man and a good friend, but I hated it when his sycophantic-ass called me ‘bro’."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 5 - When Presidents Beg (page 2 of 10)

"No sooner had he hit the floor than Melo had injected him with twelve-ounces of Morphine mixed with Über-Adrenaline, upon which he promptly revived only to hump the dry hell out of Melo's unsuspecting leg. It’s a wicked concoction, that reviva-juice."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 5 - When Presidents Beg(page 5 of 10)

"Dahm was a handsome man and a grand swashbuckler of a galactic hero, the sort of person you’d have thought I’d have mentioned before now in my book, but times get busy and some things just can’t be helped. No less, his point was valid and the mention of his character was overdue. I committed to rehear what he’d said as well as explain who he was. Dahm was an incredible soldier, born as a conjoined octuplet, recombined to a single soul shortly thereafter. Though he was the first and only successful rejoinder of his sort in the history of his universe, the accidental introduction of gamma rays and a bite from a random irradiated spider in recovery lent him super-sub-human healing abilities. Though it took him the first half of his life and a thousand pounds of assorted pills and suppositories to pull him through it, he emerged with the strength of four men and the vengeful fury of four women."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 10 - My Squad Atricious (page 2 of 10)

"Slackman was listing like a kregs in his mono-man bench, his gaze distant, his eyes glassing over. “We don’t have time for this, Burggl,” I said, encouraging him like an insecure, middle-aged football coach living counter-cariously through his rag tag band of no-talent scrimmageers, “you have to pull through this."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 10 - My Squad Atricious (page 5 of 10)

"Sorry, Tek, said Slackman, pumping his left arm like he was trying to draw liquid from the depths of a child-rearing water well. "I just don’t feel so good. My chest is all inflated and I’m going numb in port-side places." I’d worked with Slackman for a long time and his drama queen nonsense had never gotten old to me. Were it not for his failing health I’d have never taken on his dumb brother, Little N. “Somebody toss him his medication already, we’ve got work to do."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 10 - My Squad Atricious (page 5 of 10)

“Tek,” said Jehovina, the sexy, Mexicanische communications officeress from between her full, darkly-painted, supple humanolips. “Think about Xerkinski, no creature can permit those events to go down again,” she paused before adding, “I humbly beseech thee, señor.”

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 10 - My Squad Atricious (page 1 of 10)

“She looks good, Cappy, what happened?” I asked, as I often do when I end a sentence with a question mark, or begin it one with an upside down question mark while interrogating ala Mexspañol. The glistening craft was as gorgeous as I’d remembered her from the schematic drawings I’d seen so many times, the culmination of a million man-hours of engineering combined with just the right amount of fresh, moist adobe to keep her safely in space."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 9 - Compunction Space Junction, What's Your Major Malfunction? (page 1 of 10)

"I stepped through the triply-secret door into Alpha Squad HQ, cleverly disguised as an out-of-order drinking fountain booth, and saw Tracy, the beautiful, buxom, young Alpha Squad receptionist, sitting at her desk. She was dressed to the nines as usual in a form-fitting Lumi-silk dress that left just the right amount to the imagination, her nails painted with ten-hour coatings of Sino Lacquer and her hair locked in 63rd parallel sculptoform."

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 1 - Once Again, Brave Warrior, Forth Into the Breach (page 3 of 7)

"As the robosecurigaurds hauled me out of her office, the stench of her cheap, musky perfume still thick in my mechanostrils, I turned to the gentler one to my right. “Dude, she totally wanted me, right?”

-- Tek Jansen, Alpha Squad 7 Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure – Chapter 1 - Once Again, Brave Warrior, Forth Into the Breach (page 7 of 7)

Tek Jansen has been captured by The Brazilian's army of Magwad henchmen. He has been strapped to a metal table and is about to be attacked by lasers, saws, and hypodermic needles. He needs to reach a control panel to shut the machines off. He flips his toe ring off his toe, which sets off an unlikely chain of events eventually leading to a feather landing on the "Emergency Torture Stop" button. The machines shut off, and Tek jumps off the table. He runs toward the exit, but is suddenly confronted by a giant tiger. Tek exclaims "Halley's Comet!" and prepares to fight the tiger. Just then, the tiger is shot dead by two young space cadets, named Kevin and Jenny. Tek and the cadets set off to stop the Brazilian.
The Brazilian watches from his spaceship as his Inhibitor Cannon sucks away New Earth's clouds. Tek and the cadets arrive at the Brazilian's ship. Tek tells the Brazilian that he is under "Alpha arrest."The Brazilian pretends to surrender, but fires his deadly ray gun at Tek. Cadet Kevin pushes Tek out of the way, but is killed himself. Tek screams "NO!!!" and the Brazilian leaves in an escape pod as Tek is screaming. Jenny cries at Kevin's death, but is consoled by Tek as they embrace... with Jenny saying "Oh Tek, you've obviously had hundreds of girlfriends." Tek suggests they get something to eat. Jenny turns into a giant crab creature and says it is hungry to eat Tek Jansen. Tek exclaims "Venus Flytrap!" Episode cliffhangs.


-- Operation: Destiny's Underbelly: Entrapped!: A Tek Jansen Adventure

Tek Jansen has been captured by The Brazilian's army of Magwad henchmen. He has been strapped to a metal table and is about to be attacked by lasers, saws, and hypodermic needles. He needs to reach a control panel to shut the machines off. He flips his toe ring off his toe, which sets off an unlikely chain of events eventually leading to a feather landing on the "Emergency Torture Stop" button. The machines shut off, and Tek jumps off the table. He runs toward the exit, but is suddenly confronted by a giant tiger. Tek exclaims "Halley's Comet!" and prepares to fight the tiger. Just then, the tiger is shot dead by two young space cadets, named Kevin and Jenny. Tek and the cadets set off to stop the Brazilian.
The Brazilian watches from his spaceship as his Inhibitor Cannon sucks away New Earth's clouds. Tek and the cadets arrive at the Brazilian's ship. Tek tells the Brazilian that he is under "Alpha arrest."The Brazilian pretends to surrender, but fires his deadly ray gun at Tek. Cadet Kevin pushes Tek out of the way, but is killed himself. Tek screams "NO!!!" and the Brazilian leaves in an escape pod as Tek is screaming. Jenny cries at Kevin's death, but is consoled by Tek as they embrace... with Jenny saying "Oh Tek, you've obviously had hundreds of girlfriends." Tek suggests they get something to eat. Jenny turns into a giant crab creature and says it is hungry to eat Tek Jansen. Tek exclaims "Venus Flytrap!" Episode cliffhangs.


-- Operation: Destiny's Underbelly: Entrapped!: A Tek Jansen Adventure