ATLAS – one of two so-called general purpose detectors. Atlas will be used to look for signs of new physics, including the origins of mass and extra dimensions.

ATLAS plans to look for these signs by repeatedly smashing things in the face. It is a good plan.

The Original ATLAS appeared to malfunction. In an attempt to make repairs, the staff called upon handyman, Lord Borak the Despoiler. The staff's choice was less than inspired, as the Chaos Lord attempted to fix ATLAS with his boot. A replacement was in order once Borak's invoice was paid.

CMS – the other general purpose detector will, like ATLAS, hunt for the Higgs boson and look for clues to the nature of dark matter.

Like ATLAS, CMS will attempt to find these clues by repeatedly smashing things in the face. It is a good plan.

In his first match, CMS managed to get the ball in the first half and score on halflings. In the second half, a bad kick had the facility in anticipation, as CMS attempted to manage 2 scores in his first match. Alas, the overabundanced of free radical flings managed to stop the titan, though the team continued on in the Smack.

ALICE – will study a "liquid" form of matter called quark-gluon plasma that existed shortly after the Big Bang.

In order to study this "liquid", ALICE must first reduce her opponents to a "liquid" state, most often through bashing them repeatedly in the face. This plan is good.

Equal amounts of matter and anti-matter were created in the Big Bang. LHCb will try to investigate what happened to the "missing" anti-matter.

The primary investigation area is 3 inches into the skull of anyone standing in front of LHCb. The investigations should be thorough. Plan is good.