In today's rapidly changing world
Rock groups appear every fifteen minutes,
Utilising some new promotional device.

Some of these devices have been known
To leave irreparable scars
On the minds of foolish young consumers.

One such case is standing before you:
Little skinny Terry 'Ted' Bozzio,
That cute little drummer!
(That's right!)

Terry recently fell in love
With a publicity-photo of a boy named Punky Meadows...
(Oh Punky!)...
Lead guitar player from a group called Angel.

In the photograph,
Punky was seen with a beautiful shiny hairdo
In a semi-profile which emphasized the pootched out succulence
Of his insolent, pouting rectus,
The sight of which drove the helpless young drummer...
MAD WITH DESIRE!

I can't stand the way he pouts
'Cause he might not be pouting for me!
(Punky Meadows, pouting for you?
Ha! You bet sailor!)
You mean,
You mean he's not...he's not pouting...
He's not pouting for me?

His hair's so shiny and it's done real nice
'Til I squirm with ecstasy

Punky, Punky, give me your lips to die on!

Oh Punky, isn't it romantic?

Punky, Punky, give me your lips
To die on...I promise not to **** in your mouth
Punky, Punky, your album's the *****!
It's all wrong!

I ain't really *****
But if he ever got near
Steven Tyler would PAY to see!
PAY to see!

Punky's lips, Punky's lips
His hair's so shiny,
I love his hips!
I love his teeth and his gums and such!
Punky
(What is it? You come home!)
You're an Angel!
You're too much
(Oh God!)

The voice of my thoughts in my lonely teenage room...

He's been havin' a rash
(No ****!)
That keeps the girls away
(It's true)
Skin doom
(Skin doom)
Is what the doctors say
And that makes me wonder
I wonder what Punky is rehearsing today
I'll just go over, and hear him play
His hair is so pretty...I'd like to bite his neck
I've heard a rumor he's more fluid than Jeff Beck
BUT I AIN'T *****
I AIN'T ***
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
A wrist array-ee-ay
(That's all that is, I swear!)

Punky's lips, Punky's lips!
Oh! I love his hair while eatin' dunk-y chips
Yeah! I love his blink and his blank-blank-blank
Why, maybe he'd like to yank my crank?
YANK IT PUNKY!
YANK IT FASTER!
YANK IT HARDER!
YANK IT ALL NITE LONG!
COME ON PUNKY!
GET FUNKY!

I AIN'T *****
No no no no!
I AIN'T ***
No no no no!
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)
Wrist array-ee-ay
And then he told me now:
I AIN'T *****!
(Hey!)
I AIN'T ***!
(Hey! Hey!)
(He's a little fond of chiffon in a wrist array-ee-ay-ee-ay)

I-I, Lord,
I'm fo-o-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wrist array-ee-ay
Oh oh oh oh!
I-I, I said I'm fo-o-ond of chiffo-on
In a wri-i-i-i-ist array
Come on Punky!
Give me your lips!
Right on my penis tip!

My inner 11 year old girl can't resist him. Isn't he dreaaaaaaamy?

Four TDs in one game and takes the team to the Tavern SMACK! final round - I might have to start voting Republican