Ex-linebacker Phil Graysfield runs around fighting football-related crimes wearing the NFL corporate logo on his ridiculous but colourful costume. His suit would actually make an awesome football or BB uniform, but this comic, which ran for twelve issues plus a Superbowl special, has to be the lamest thing I ever heard of. Note that the first issue boasts a special appearance by Spider Man, which pretty much screams "we have no confidence in this concept." What I really don't get is that he's an EX-footballer, which naturally has me thinking that every linebacker out there is in better shape than he is. So what sort of superhero is he? Oh yeah, a crap one.

Like Superpro, Dazzler is the mediocre product of a corporate think-tank. Casablanca Records and Marvel comics teamed up with a nonsense concept: a superhero comic engineered to tie in with the emergence of a new pop sensation, with a film to follow. This disco-age superheroine didn't appear in time however to cash in on the crossovers, since disco's popularity faded between concept in the mid-70s to product in the early 80s. "Real life" storylines about the struggles of a small-time musician and part-time model underwhelmed comic audiences, and Dazzler pretty much disappeared until a recent retcon as a punk rocker. Her power, by the way? She can turn sound into light, making her a living disco ball. So, that.

Emma Frost has awesome powers, and a lot of them. Emma Frost can turn her skin to hard diamond. Emma Frost can read minds and blast people with brain-bolts so they pass out. Emma Frost is really smart and good with computers. Emma Frost looks like a swimsuit model and she wears lingerie all the time! I love Emma Frost! I wish she were my girlfriend! Jeez, I've never seen such a cynical assault on nerds since Vampirella, and honestly, she was a vampire. She's supposed to be vampy. If Emma's powers had anything to do with seduction, her costume would make sense. As it is, guys, just buy the regular porn and we'll stop laughing at you. A little.

Billy Moon, unemployed former soldier and Roller Derby Skater fights crime with a utility belt and roller skates. His sidekick, a street kid named Paco, rides a motorized skateboard. Skateman likes to kick his opponents in the face while wearing roller skates, which I guess is kinda badass, but he's a normal human with no superpowers and he wears roller skates! He's a martial artist and former soldier, yet he decides to base his superhero identity on roller skating? Did I mention he's unemployed? This guy is a total loser.

This is one of those character ideas that gradually change under different writers. Initially the daughter of a world-famous cat burglar, Felicia Hardy studied the trade, learned the martial arts, wore a low-cut black body stocking; you get the idea. On its own this was ok, but comic book writers can't leave well enough alone. Noting that black cats are symbols of bad luck, a later writer gave her the ability to subliminally affect probability fields, causing unlucky events to befall her enemies once they're in her line of sight. Not only is this insane (how does this work; why would affecting probability always make the luck "bad?"), but it has to be a pain in the ass for subsequent writers. Like Mr Miracle, whose powers only kick in if he's captured by his enemies, Felicia's abilities only matter when she needs a lucky break. That is, if she were better at her regular job of martial arts and cat burglary, the luck nonsense wouldn't matter. As a side note, more than one fight scene turned in her favour because her low-cut outfit distracted her opponents. That's just stupid.