<b><p align="left">Lookit da ladz! Dey train dead 'ard ta be da best, da tuffest, da strongest uv da bunsj! See dat skinny wun uv 'em? Dats da frowa. Da frowa on da Woot Elfz iz Mallakiff wot iz namet afta da dark elfy king, but 'iz real name iz Morgum. Wait, cud be 'iz name iz Morgrub? Morglum? Anywayz. Wun day at trainin' da coach shoutz "WAAAGH" an' runz on da pitch an' startz ta hit Mallakiff on da noggin' an' da coach ain't wun ta pull 'iz punsj! Da resun fer da bashin' akkording ta yoors trooly iz dat da coach got mad wif Mallakiff cuz uv Mallakiff trainin' on his frowing tekknique instead uv on 'iz bashin' tekknique. Da coach set him rite strait since dat and now Mallakiff iz trainin' on da bashin' like wot iz sappost.</b>

<i>Excerpt from 'Da Big Book uv Coachin' by Assistant Coach Gorbad, Chapta IIIIIIII - Coachin' Frowas. ISBN Numba: Pendin' (as uv yet unpablished)</i></p>

<b><p align="left">Tirijong and Tekklis iz alwayz trainin' wif wun anuvver an' dey train dead 'ard wot makez da coach pleasd as puntsj. Howeva wun day at da trainin' da coach see dat Tekklis an' Tirijong wuz trainin' dodgin' tekkniques insted uv bashin' tekkniques an' da coach shoutz "WAAAAAGH" an' runz on da pitch ta bash sum sense inta da ladz. Wot happen iz dat da coach wanna grab 'em an' bash 'em but da ladz dodge da coach! Afta a while da coach stop tryin' ta bash da ladz an' da coach bersts out laffin'! Gorbad finks dat da coach diskovert a speshul trainin' sekkrit! Yoo see... dodgin' iz not just fer elfs and gobbos wot wanna dodge away from da bashin'! Dodgin' iz also fer da ork ladz wot want to stay in da fikk uv it!</p></b>

<i>Excerpt from 'Da Big Book uv Coachin' by Assistant Coach Gorbad, Chapta IIIIII - Coachin' Blitzaz. ISBN Numba: Pendin' (as uv yet unpablished)</i>

<b><p align="left">Tekklis an' Tirijong iz namet afta da 'ardest uv da Hi Elfs. Wun uv 'em iz a dead tuff warrior wot wearz a majikal swort an' a horz an' da uvver wun iz wot uz orkz kallz a weirdboy an' yoo humies kall 'em wizzartz. Gorbad fink da elfz kall 'em majez an' sumtimez sawsaharz. Anywayz. Da Tekklis and Tirijong wot playz on da Woot Elves propa namez iz Morglum an' Morglub. Gorbad finks da reson dat da coach fink uv da namez iz cuz Morglum an' Morglub iz like da burdders Tekklis an' Tirijong cuz dey alwayz train' wif wun anuvver.</b>

<i>Excerpt from Assistant Coach Gorbadz assorted notes.</i></p>

<b>Yer wanna coach orcz? Well, lissen 'ard an' lissen gud! If'n yer a grubby nasty stunty, delisjhus elf or sumfing elze az wot iz smaller az wun reglar sizet tuff-az-teef black orz, den yer gonna need ta hire yerself an' assistant coach, like yoors truly, wot helps da coach wif reelaying da speshul coaching tekknikes an' stratejy inna way wot da ladz unnerstans.

Da fing iz, sumtimes wun uv da ladz all uv a sudden sprawts teef, mussles an' harns an' iz dead 'ard an' tuffer az wot da coach an' assistant coach iz an' itz impossable ter coach propa ladz wif WAAGH-spirit if'n' dey tuffer az wot yerself iz. Yer can alwayz 'ire bigga assistant coach witsj iz da reesin fer lotz uv trollz bein' assistant coaches inna orc teem, awlthoo da dawnsite iz da yer hafta watsj afta all uv da assistant coaches an' trollz iz rite propa 'ard werk ta 'ave around. Wot yoors trooly figgerz iz dat wen wun uv da ladz iz dead tuff yer jest leaf 'im alone an' maybe yer tell da git dat naw 'ez da boss-coach an' dat 'ez naw runnin' da teem, cawse if'n 'ez dead tuff da lad izn't inna need uv mor trainin' anywayz an' yer presjus tame iz betta spent wif mor important matta sutsj az coachin' da uvver uns an' 'idin oonlez yer wishin' fer yer teef ta get bashed in!</b>

<i>Excerpt from 'Da Big Book uv Coachin' by Assistant Coach Gorbad, Chapta IIIIIIII - Coachin' Black Orcz. ISBN Numba: Pendin' (as uv yet unpablished)</i>

<b>Wen da coach figgerd ta name da ladz wif elfy namez most uv da ladz wuz shawtin' an' hollerin' abawt "'ow stoopid an' pansy elfz namez iz" an' dat "izza deesgraze fer dead 'ard orz ladz runnin' aront bein' namet az wot elfz iz".

Wun uv da blitzas thawt iz woz a rite propa idea, thow, an' inziztet on bein' namet 'Dreezt', but da coach sayz "derez no elf namet 'Dreezt'" an' da coach sayz "elf namez ent wif da fingz az 'merrifallow', 'bertsawng' an' 'geentelbreez'" an' 'e tolt da blitza ta fink uv anuvver name, anyfink uvver dan 'Dreezt' cuz 'Dreezt' izza rite stoopid name evan fer an elf. Da blitza wud 'ave none uv dat an' insistet dat 'Dreezt' iz a name wot a reel famoos dark elfy warjior wot has too magjical sworts an' dat ifn' 'e wuznt allowt ter be da 'Dreezt' wif too magjical sworts den 'e wut not play wit da teem an' 'e stomped 'is feet an' da coach named 'im 'Bertwatcha Fanceefallow' but da blitz onli 'earz wot yooze tell 'im ifn' yooze call i'm 'Dreezt' or 'it 'im inna noggin'.</b>

Excerpt from Assistant Coach Gorbadz assorted notes.

<b><p align="left">Da fing wif trollz iz dat deyz bigga an' tuffa az wot da orkz iz an' dat meens deyz tuff az nailz! Howeva da trollz 'ave a 'ard time wif finkin' an' dat makez 'em 'ard ta coach. Da sekkrit uv coachin' da trollz iz 'avin' wun uv da ladz wot 'asn't anyfing betta wot 'ez sappost ter holla an' screem inta da trollz 'ead. Dat part iz wot any coach figgers, howeva da fing da ladz iz sappost ta screem at da troll izn't abawt da troll movin' sumwear an' hittin' fings. Da fing da troll iz sappost iz ta stand rite propa still an' konzentrat dead 'ard on avoidin' fallin' asleep or fallin' down or steepin' on da ball or wun uv da ladz or eatin' da gobbo or da fanz. Da eaziest job for da troll iz standin' still an' dat iz how da troll 'elps out da ladz da best cuz da troll izn't messin' up da plan uv da coach if da coach iz kountin' on da trollz standin' still an' da troll iz standin' still. Troll coachin' is revurse sickology cuz wen da troll iz important fer da plan 'ave it do nuffin' an' wen da troll izn't important fer da plan yer tell it ta bash da teef owt uv da nearzt git.</b>

<i>Excerpt from 'Da Big Book uv Coachin' by Assistant Coach Gorbad, Chapta IIIIIIIII - Coachin' Trollz. ISBN Numba: Pendin' (as uv yet unpablished)</i></p>