Oh, hello. I'm White Goodman, Owner, Operator, and Founder of Globo Gym America Corp, and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what ya got.
Here at Globo Gym, we understand that "Ugliness" and "Fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

i believe you've met my fitness consigliere Me'Shell.

Ball me Blazer!

There's a guy on our team dressed like a pirate?

Actually, that's not true.
The committee can overrule the chancellor, that's you sir, by a two-thirds vote.

They got guys named Laser, Blazer, Taser and all kinds of 'asers'!

The dread pirate Steve be in no man's debt. I'll make a barter with ya; true as the north star. In exchange for your kindness, I'll be sharing me buried treasure with ya... once I find it, that be.

Well, it'll be worth my while when I make the cheerleading squad this time. Prove to Amber and everyone else that I'm not a loser.

Pepper Brooks: Good toss by the submissive out there!

Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!

Cotton McKnight: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse.
Pepper Brooks: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.

Cotton McKnight: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match.
Pepper Brooks: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

Cotton McKnight: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a menage a trois of pain.
Pepper Brooks: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.

Cotton McKnight: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself.
Pepper Brooks: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.