What's that, you don't use a tablet? Don't be silly, everyone uses a tablet nowadays! Windows 8 will show you just how archaic your desire for desktop computing truly is. You will be *smashed* by his futuristic point and click simplicity and tactile predilection. Once you've spent enough time with him, you'll feel an unstoppable urge to become a flat device yourself.

Kim Kardashian is always hungry... for more money. Thanks to her exorbitant hiring fee, she can use plastic surgery to regenerate and stay young, always. She will break more than the internet once she gets her hand on your ball carrier.

Beware her ability to throw Herpes around!

This Dark elf uses his stalking skills to knock on people at the worst time. You try to explain that you don't care, that you have your own playstyle, but he goes on and on about how his build is the best and you should really switch to it. The only way to get rid of him is to roll a defender down, or to pretend you are away.

After many years of having the door slammed on him, Jehova Witness has learned to Block it with his skills.

Upon scoring the winning touchdown of the Bay12 season 3 finale, Jehova's Witness levels up and learns to dodge!

Rats are notoriously sneaky. They hide in containers, sewers, old houses. This particular skaven got on the team after he sneaked into the headquarters, hidden in a crate of Apple. Now he's the default runner, just because the coaches were too busy to read the fine prints on his contract...

Thanks to his block skill, Safari is able to blitz the ball carrier and score the first touchdown in the final match of the Bay12 third season.

With the appearance of Herpes, enemy teams have to use an additional layer of protection, because the threat of a thrown player is only one greenskin away! Don't trust that girl at the bar when she tells you ''It's ok baby, I'm on tackle zones'', because that will stop babies, but not goblins...

* * *

Herpes cannot dodge. He can kick people alright, but he has never succeded on a dodge roll. What kind of goblin is he? The sickly kind, that's what. so sickly, in fact that some would even call his presence ''disturbing''.

* * *

After much effort, Herpes has slowly turned into a mean blocking machine, often using his stuntyness to blitz unexpecting opponents and steal away the ball. He once took down the best player in the league, a level 4 Chaos Warrior.

The team trusted him with the most important block of the season. herpes delivered, and took down the human marking their ball carrier, thus securing the winning touchdown of the season finale!

The legislators of the league try and make sure that no players as bad as Junk Mail are allowed to play Bloodbowl professionally. There's just so many of them, tho... You can't keep them all out. Most of the trash players end up in a separate league that basically nobody watches. Still, now and then, there's always a clever one using a new name that makes it into the big scene.

He's basically the worst thing you've ever seen, but your grandma insisted that you put him on the team, so now you have to put him on the pitch at least once whenever she watches a game.

When you were younger, some manager approached you and offered you this superior player. Sure, he was expansive, but he'd allow you to get the trophy of your dream. Turns out this was just a scam, set by unregulated private coaches. Now you are stuck with a useless player, and you still have to pay for him years later.

Student debt had his movement allowance reduced after two matches vs a farmed chaos team. Obviously, the absurd amount of money he carries with him at all time is not helping.

At first Candy Crush Invitation seemed like a cool guy. A few years ago, nobody really cared about sports, and very few actually called themselves Bloodbowl fans. Now everyone is all over this guy. It was cool at first, but now friends and strangers are talking about this guy, and they always want you to hear about his new high scores, or how he almost completed this awesome pass, but needed just one more on the dice.

Your mother is his biggest fan. She simply won't shut up about him. You can't stand this guy anymore, nor his filthy casual fans.

To better annoy the fuck out of his friends on facebook, Candy Crush Invitation is the first marauder to learn the Block skill, allowing him to ignore people trying to take down his requests.

He's the guy that teams hire at first glance because they desperately need a player. Any player. He's usually the first guy on the list, and he's cheap too. He likes to pretend that if you invest in him, or get him the right partner, he'll be as good as any of those fancy star players from the blue district.

Sadly, most of the teams who hired Mediterranean avenue regret it, as the money they spent on him could have gotten them one of those start players from Kentucky they needed to complete their trio. He's not worth much in a trade either...

All it took was a few immature friends and a bit of alcohol. Now that's how people know you by.

Because trice the money means trice the money!