During the plague of Instruments 2/3 of the population of Iceland died (6 people.). It was during that time that Pope Urban III sent Asgeir Atlason to Iceland. Asgeir was supposed to pretend to be the pope and consequently give the people of Iceland hope. When Asgeir arrived he was instantly made king of Iceland because nobody else had the time for it. Asgeirs reign was a good one and lasted for many many weeks before he became bored and retired to a nice snow house in Skorradalur. There he had 2 kids, Magnus Skeifing and Ithrottaalfur. Asgeir died in 23983 b.ice when he ate a tree.

Always a gentleman and a scholar, Jon was among the worst kings in the history of Iceland. Once somebody asked him to hand them the potatoes and he just said no. He didn't even blink, just a simple no. What kind of a monster treats his subjects in such a way? He did build some hospital and save some stupid kids, most notably that guy who played the annoying Chinese boy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Thanks for ruining that move Jon...). However, this did not help his tarnished reputation and thus the people of Iceland killed Jon in a coup orchestrate by Pope Asgeir.

Jon was quartered, made to eat pig fat from Denmark and then thrown into a pit of hungry school children. The portions served during lunch at Icelandic schools having been cut substantially following austerity measures proposed by Jon himself, the kids were hungry enough so that no trace of his remains was ever found.

Helgi Runar Heidarsson was an ugly man. Therefore he had what the Icelandic people call the "Adgerdin". Adgerdin didn't go so well and Helgi became a none-sexual, or as Icelanders call it "beggjakynadrengstúlkustauli". Because the other 20 people who made up the whole population of Iceland felt sorry for Helgi they made him their ruler. Helgi was a great queen/king/thing ( She/he/it liked queen the most.) and ruled Iceland for many happy years.

Some say he never told a lie, others say he did. Nobody knows the truth and actually, nobody cares.

King Arni only ruled for 4 days, the shorted reign of any king in the history of Iceland. In these 4 days though, he managed to repair the bridge over Laugardalslækur and buy a lot of cool stuff from abroad. Amongst the things he bought was a big dildo (a very welcome gift to Icelandic women everywhere, although they did have to take turns using it, which was a little bit disgusting, but mainly just inconvenient).

By the third day of his reign the people of Iceland had grown tired of Arni. They asked him to leave but he said no. Then they asked him again but he again said no. This went on for one more day before he finally said yes. However he did not leave on his own accord when the time came. Nobody wanted to make a scene by throwing him out so everyone just pretended he didn't exist. A new king was then crowned (Skakkalappakappalappi Runólfs II) and nobody listened to Arni's complaints. After having lived by his own in a corner of the Icelandic palace for three decades, without anybody so much as looking at him, Arni finally gave up and committed suicide. Nobody bothered to bury him and thus he still lies there, in his corner of the palace, a rotten corpse and a stain on the carpet.

Rufus was the first king of Iceland who came from the common household of Vodastorthus. Not very bright he never could get his name right, always writing Rufus IIII instead of Rufus IV. Rufus is remembered as a good and noble king and in the spirit of his memory the people of Iceland celebrate Rufus-day. On that day all the people of Iceland move for a day out of their snow-manors and into the old snow houses they used to live in before oil was found in the sea around Iceland. It's a day loved by Icelanders and foreign people alike and many tourist travel around the world to participate in this fun and family friendly holiday. In recent years the cases where people freeze to death during the night have even been reduced by a huge amount. Last year only one American woman and a Dutch man died, plus some other people but they weren't Dutch or American and therefore aren't the concern of Icelanders.. (did we mention that Danish people are "viðbjóðslegt fólk sem ætti að útrýma með öllum ráðum" and we hate them?)

Margret was the first queen of Iceland. She was very moody and only thought about her hair and toenails. So, she was basically just like all other women, although I guess she wasn't as insanely stupid as most women. God damn I hate feminists....

I guess she did build the Hvalfjarðargöng by herself, and lay all the roads around Iceland, and instigate policies that made Iceland one of the most advanced and richest nations in the world. She also won the Nobel piece price four or five times and discovered electricity.

But who cares, she was just a stupid woman.... Did you know her husband Rufus could count all the way to 10? Now that impressive!!! (also he was a man and not a stupid good for nothing but birthing babies and talking about celebrity gossip woman...)

Big ones, small ones, he loves them all. But his most priced hat is the one his father wore when he slayed the feminists down by Lækjartorgið. Feminism had become a terrible curse upon the land. All those stupid women wanted equal pay and high ranking jobs within the government. Thankfully they were all killed. The hat is made out of cat fur, although it was later lined with the skin of many of the feminists. Some say he never took his hat off, others say Lord Trausti used to smoke before he put on his hat.

Ingolfur was the founder of Reykjavik, Iceland's second biggest city (the biggest of course being Akureyri, home of Siggi Láki, the horniest man in the world. That guy just won't stop making babies...)

During his lifetime Iceland was a primitive place. Women were the equals of men, people lived in wooden houses (not snow houses... savages!) and people hadn't even discovered the pleasures of masturbation (the most noble of the three pleasures). Ingolfur didn't discover masturbation but he did come close. His son finally perfected the art a couple of years after Ingolfur had passed away.

Ingolfurs biggest achievement (besides founding Reykjavik, I guess...) involved some lubrication as well as a healthy dose of exploration. I won't go into further details, but suffice to say that he did revolutionize the way Icelanders pump air into their bicycles. Also he discovered anal sex.

Said by many Icelanders to be the greatest man that ever lived, David Oddson, also know simply as Doddson, became king of Iceland following the great socialist revolution of 1926.

His first act as king was to issue a decree banning the use of shampoos and deodorants. This was intended as a measure to improve the balance of payments and reduce the national debt. Doddson then sold the Icelandic Imperial Palace to a wealthy German family and used the proceeds to buy a years worth of alcohol for himself and his friends.

Following this things took a bad turn for Doddson. The German family soon found the corpse of king Arni and demanded a refund. Furthermore, the people of Iceland were very upset that Doddson only gave his friends alchols. Faced with a huge mob of angry Icelanders as well as some rather unfriendly looking German debt collectors, Doddson was forced to abdicate and go into exile.

He wasn't free of his debts though and ended up having to do porn in order to pay them back. He was actually surprisingly good at it and soon managed to branch off into acting and even singing. In the end he changed his name to Björk and has since been one of Iceland's most priced possessions internationally. Today he sometimes does a bit of porn, just for fun. Then he usually goes by the stage name Ron Jeremy.

Born in the small town of Isafjörður, Hannes Hafsteinn was the fattest king in the history of Iceland. He was so fat that the Imperial Palace had to be reinforced so as to not crumble under his enormous layers of fat.

Hannes was not always fat though, in his younger years he was actually quiet fit. However, he discovered that he was gay around the time he graduated from carpentry school. He soon met and became the lover of an older man (King consort Halldór) fifty years his senior. Halldór had a fat fetish and force feed Hannes in order to fatten him and fulfill his sexual fantasies.

In only two short years Hannes got so fat that he couldn't walk any more or move his arms. Impressed by his stupidity (a trait that has always been revered amongst Icelanders) the people of Iceland made him their king.

It was HUGE!!!

And that is all I have to say about that.