Think of the little critters of nature.
They don't know that they're ugly.

Oh, joy.

Career low: put on unpaid leave for beating suspects mercilessly while shouting, "You idiot. You worm. You sick little monkey. You filthy swine! You bloated sack of protoplasm! I WILL KILL YOU!

Often the outlaws he has tracked down have heard Dudley singing in a reedy tenor as he rode relentlessly after them: "Mammy's little baby loves short'nin', short'nin', Mammy's little baby loves short'nin' bread."

When he isn't fighting off Blood Bowl fans trying to get his autograph, Harry is defending himself against hordes of coureur de bois trying to harvest his thick pelt of chest hair.

Shades McCool is a proud member of the Highway Patrol, and his fellow officers suspect he sleeps in his trademark sunglasses. He is quite the ladies' man and has been known to accept a woman's phone number as payment for a speeding ticket.

Assignment: Undercover Vice Squad

Quote: Only you can prevent me from smoking all the weed.

After acquiring a taste for tinned food while out on the trail, Beans only eats cans of pork and beans for every meal, and constantly stinks up the locker rooms with his vile flatulence.

Fun fact: Although he has written the most tickets for public nudity of any Yaksmen, he's not against half-naked people...not as often as he'd like to be!

Sam was the third person ever initiated into the Yaksmen, over 100 years ago. Soon after, he was frozen into a glacier while tracking an abominable snowman accused of felony littering. Sam survived in suspended animation until he was thawed out by present-day global warming, at which point he resumed his old job (and to his superiors' delight, at his old pay, 1 cent an hour).

Secret shame: a leprechaun tells him to burn things.

"If you ladies survive recruit training, you will be Yaksmen. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human frigging beings! You are nothing but pieces of amphibian crap! Do you maggots understand that?!"

What's that in the sky? Is it a loon, is it the Avro Arrow? Is it some kind of flying nuclear beaver? No, it's just Captain Canada, the member of the Yaksmen charged with patrolling the airspace, looking out for drunken pilots and rabid geese.