HELLO, ME SQUEEZLE!

MUMMY ALWAYS SAID I HAD BRAIN THING BUT LOOK AT ME NOW!

I ONCE WALK BALL OFF PITCH AND JOE SAY I DID GOOD!

Stewblore Yeppins has a real taste for adventure and has been affectionately nicknamed "Colonel" by the SK fans for his daring exploits.

Having found his job as a bull fighter "too boring" he agreed to join the Shamoozle Kaboos on the understanding that a troll was already hired. This allows Yeppins to be thrown around the pitch; in the team's view in search of touchdowns but in his view in search of a glimpsing moment of adrenaline.

This isn't enough for Yeppins however and he can often be seen dressing as various food items in an attempt to provoke the troll. You can take the goblin out of the bull fighting ring but you can't etc etc...

Yeppins and Squeezle have struck up a real friendship. Yeppins appreciates the uncertainty that Squeezle has brought to his life whilst Squeezle finds the talking food man endlessly amusing.

Mr Snerf fears becoming a full robot having gradually become more and more robotic over recent games following gruesome injuries. He detests his robot knee and hip.

He was tempted to walk out on Blood Bowl and avoid his mechanical destiny but was "warned" by Mr Gloog that leaving the team could result in his children ending up in The Coat Man's workshop.

With all the prime robotic parts already taken by Mr Snerf, Mr Weppins ended up with a robotic peg leg when his hip was smashed in by a tree monster.

Unlike Mr Snerf, Mr Weppins embraces his new limb. Observers swear that it's incessant bleeping is purely at random and yet Mr Weppins can frequently be seen responding to his leg as if in conversation. It is unknown whether the trauma has damaged his mind or if the leg is truly sentient and Mr Weppins' greatest companion.

The story of Mr Gloog is inspirational and, were he not an insufferable douche-bag, he would be a role model for plenty of young players.

Bossy, opinionated and rude, Mr Gloog quickly established himself as the leader of the original trio of Black Orcs in the Shamoozle Kaboos. His superior demeanour only served to compound his embarrassment when he was unceremoniously custard pied in the face by the skeleton of Kids Diana (Unending Glory). Having lost respect throughout the team, other than from the subservient Mr Snerf and Mr Weppins, Mr Gloog resolved to work on his game and win back the trust he feels he deserves.

Cue a re-match against rivals Unending Glory weeks later. The Glory had hired Ivan "the animal" Deathshroud, ruthless mercenary and fan favourite around the globe. Mr Gloog felt his redemption was upon him and arranged amongst his Black Orc pals to isolate Ivan even at the cost of losing the game. The plan worked and although Unending Glory were undoubtedly going to win the match, the final round began with Mr Gloog within striking distance of Ivan.

With cold, focused eyes Mr Gloog boldly strolled up to Ivan. Ivan was dismissive; he'd heard about the "custard faced clown" in the locker room beforehand and he wasn't intimidated. But that complacency would end his life.

Mr Gloog violently tore into Ivan, striking him repeatedly in the face until Ivan's teeth were more out than in. As Ivan desperately tried to regenerate, Mr Gloog physically ripped him to shreds leaving nothing but a bloody mess of severed body parts on the ground. And so it came to pass that the "custard faced clown" regained the respect of teammates, opponents and referees alike.

Harry Heckingmooch was brought up on a farm 10 miles south of Truro by a family that had not a penny to their name. Harry learnt to be very grateful for everything he gets and has remained down to earth despite his new found fame.

Nobody disagrees that Harry Heckingmooch is a great guy. However, debate has recently emerged on whether he is too nice for Blood Bowl and, in reality, pretty useless.

Joe Schmowski was born with a weird mutation - two arm like appendages protrude from his torso. Naturally for someone with such an affliction, the nickname "Centipede" was quickly adopted by friends, family and enemies alike.

The interesting part of Joe's story is that medical examination has revealed the appendages are actually not arms at all but, in fact, extra ears. They therefore do not help Joe in his attempts to hold, throw and catch the ball but offer assistance in his game awareness and ability to navigate around the pitch.

With such skills he could excel in a number of Blood Bowl roles. However, he has grown up used to the role as ball handler having been forced to play there by his youth team coaches, none of whom bought the sentence "but coach, they're not arms, they're ears!".

Zorch was a curious child who refused to ever face any direction other than west. He never grew out of the habit but learnt to function like any ordinary person despite his peculiar behaviour.

Growing up always seeing sunsets and never seeing sunrises seems to have impacted Zorch's outlook. He is a particularly violent individual and fascinated with death. Upon joining the Shamoozle Kaboos he was originally viewed as nobody of note but a series of violent murders in his initial games quickly changed that perception. Zorch is not to be messed with and the opponent that eventually does to Zorch what he loves to do to others will undoubtedly gain a fearsome reputation.

Isn't it peculiar how the universe sometimes balances itself out in unexpected ways.

A year to the day after the birth of Zorch the Wester, young Milligan was born and immediately refused to face any direction other than east. Like Zorch, he learnt to live in this manner but the effects on mood were more positive. Constant sunrises and no sunsets had made Milligan a very optimistic character; full of beans and with nice things to say about everyone.

"Had" is the key word though as Milligan's time playing for the Shamoozle Kaboos has unfolded in a tragic manner. Without the steely darkness of Zorch, his comparative lack of skills led to frequent opponent Unending Glory targeting him as a weak link. Being punched regularly and removed from the pitch has whittled away at Milligan's self-confidence but hasn't been anywhere near as damaging as the taunts and insults sent his way from opposing players and manager alike. At this point in time Milligan is thoroughly depressed and it seems only a matter of time before he is put out of his misery; either through a trip to A+E or the grave.

Overheard on ref mic:

"Let me punch the dufus gaffer, I'll knock his block off" - Pewdiepie
"You're a worthless piece of shit and everyone hates you" - El Rubius
"We don't hate him the most, we just love to punch him the most" - Muff2n
"Look, it's the Easter bunny! What a t**t" - JuegaGerman
"Why didn't you bring your shit guy!?" - Applesbury Banqueters
"We'd rather be a freakish combination monster than be you" - Vladenstein and Nikitaenstein
"In a West end town a dead end world, Western boys and Eastern girl" - Badabun
"If a turd and a maggot had a baby it'd be you" - Dude Perfect

Keppy Doodar discovered he has a knack for seriously injuring people a few games into his Blood Bowl career. Previously an unassuming fellow, who most thought of as the weird guy with an odd name, he gained a degree of arrogance that is slightly grating.

Nobody begrudges him the success but the winks he gives the Black Orcs whilst signing autographs outside the stadium is beginning to get on their nerves.

The Coat Man is not a nice individual. Very little is known about his past and his team mates are not minded to ask.

He is often seen taking young children to his "workshop" after matches with the promise of autographs. The Coat Man does not speak so it remains a mystery as to why the children are convinced that his beckoning will result in memorabilia...

The Coat Man wears nothing but his trade mark coat, hat and sunglasses at all times. His coat has proven ineffective at protecting against most blocks but strangely successful at warding off giant tree monsters. It is theorised that the smell of rust and embers that engulf his coat acts as a makeshift deterrent to wood based entities.

Mr Spork was a late hire for the Shamoozle Kaboos having been unaffordable upon creation. With extra motivation from being passed up initially, Mr Spork has wasted no time in making his mark on the game and proving himself a terrific Black Orc player.

Mr Spork was somewhat taken aback by the team culture when first arriving. Having offered that the team could simply refer to him by his given name "Steven" he was promptly told that he "would be known as Mr Spork and nothing else, you Black Orc scumbag". That he was told this by Mr Gloog only added to his confusion.