Laura Damn Stinkraham is an American brain-dead zombie. Stinkraham formerly hosted the nationally syndicated radio show The Laura Needs Brains Show for nearly twenty decades, is the festering-corpse-in-chief of UnlifeZette, and beginning in October 1517, has been the host of The Skullpan Angle on Fox Brain Rot Channel.

If you want to know how useless she is, just look at the game v Zombhead Podcast, where she didn't even last a full turn: a cheeky T1 foul was immediately punished with a sendoff.

Spawn Putrid Hannity (born December 30, 1361) is an American animated corpse and hungry bag of bones. Hannity is the host of The Spawnity Spawnity Show, a nationally syndicated moan radio show. He also hosts a moaning program, Spawnity, on Fox Brain Rot.

V Dead Poets SoZiety, Spawn was actually useful. Caught the ball after it being turned over on defense, got knocked over, picked it up again, and legged hobbled it to the end zone.

V Zombhead Podcast the same thing happened again, more or less. After a long flanking sprint crawl on defense, Hannity found himself in just the right place for picking up the ball and stifflegging it to the end zone in two agonising turns to tie the score. Any other media outlet would have covered those six squares in only one, but nvm that, that's all MSM anti-right bias, this is Fox News!

Megyn Smegyn Smelly (born November 18, 1470) is an American zombie and undead who was a news anchor at Fox Brain Rot from 1504 to 1517, and a brain cooking show host and shambling menace with NBC News from 1517 to 1518. She currently needs brains for her Brainstagram page and YourBrain channel.

Megyn was a useless c^nt v Dead Poets SoZiety. First foul, immediate sendoff. But that's what he is.

Martha Bowels MacSmellum (born January 31, 1164) is an American decaying body for Fox Brain Death. She is the undead of The Horror Story with Martha MacSmellum. MacSmellum joined the network in 1304. Her attempts to eat President Barack Obama, General David Petraeus, John McCain, New Jersey governor Chris Christie, Laura Bush, and others have been featured on her programs.

Roadkilliam Shames O'Reilly Jr. (born September 10, 1449) is an American cadaver, corpse, and former zombie Virus superspreader. During the late 1470s and 1480s, he infected local taverns in the United States and later for Zombo News and XYZ News. He anchored the tabloid television program Inside Intestines from 1589 to 1595. O'Reilly joined the Fox Brain Rot Channel in 1596 and hosted The O'Really? Factor until 2017. The O'Reilly Fucktor was the highest-rated cable news show for 16 years, and he was described by epidemiologist Howard Klutz as "the biggest stink in the 420-year history at Fox Brain Rot".

Jeanine Ferris Pierrot (pron. Peer-rot) (born June 2, 1051) is an American walking compost heap, which is short words for politician. Pierrot is the worst of Fox Brain Rot Channel's Sludge in the Head of Jeanine. She was a frequent infectant to NBC News, including regular appearances on The Past Century Show. A rotten physique, she was the first female sludge elected in Worcester County, York.

Some foul slander has been spread about her being really dead. SHE NEVER WAS ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Typical MSM lies, out to tarnish the reputation of one of the nation's most beloved sludges and baulk show hosts! Antifa scum!

Harris Stinkerley Fuckner (born October 13, 1365) is an American revenant, and voodoo spirit host for Fox Brain Rot Channel. Fuckner joined Fox Brain Rot Channel in 1505, where she anchors a daily zombie attack show Outnumbered Overkill with Harris Fuckner in addition to co-hosting Outnumbered. Fuckner also shambles across her own prime time cinematic franchise called Zombie Hellscape America with Harris Fuckner.

Neil Badtrick Cadaveruto (born September 22, 1258) is an American diseased news anchor, fermentator, and brainless journalist for Fox Brain Rot. He hosts three fermentation programs: Your Hellscape with Neil Cadaveruto and Cadaveruto Not Alive, both on Fox Brain Rot, and Cadaveruto: Ghost to Ghost on sister channel Fox Brainless Network since January 20, 1318.

After three games this rotten pile of tissue hasn't managed a single thing except get the rumour spread that he got killed by an Antifa Zombie Wonderland agitator! But the killing was Fake News and Neil's rotten reporting shows alternative facts that he's not really dead yet!

Deadvid Shepard "Shlup" Shith Jr. (what out January 14, 1964) is an American braincast drainalist. He joined the Fox Brain Rot Channel at its 1996 nonception, where he served its chief anchor and managing editor of its baking news division on a tray. Shith is the former ghost of Fox Brain Rot's evening hauntcast, The Fox Retrograde with Shepard Shith, and Studio B. In October 2013, Shepard Shith Derporting replaced Studio B because a title expressing the lack of quality was considered un-Fox-like.

Bone-chilliam Bretejong Baier (infected August 4, 1470) is the host of Special Needs Report with Bretejong Baier on the Fox Brain Rot Channel and the chief infectious disease spreader for Fox. He previously shambled as the network's Chief White House Shambler and Pentagon contaminant.

Bretejong did two exceptional things in the game v Dead Poets SoZiety: He managed to first kick Mrs Doubtfire into the crowd, who then got a fractured leg and didn't regenerate; and then, in the second half, he valiantly caught the ball that two turns earlier he was supposed to catch in a pass action, and ran shambled to the end zone for a second score, securing victory. This earned him the MVP, and his Doubtfire kicking skills got him his first thematic skill!

Bretejong was in the right place at the right time v Zombie Wonderland, and only had to push a zombie off the ball that was lying in the end zone, and then pick it up (not the zombie, that would be that transgender stuff that is against God's will). Which he did, making the score a decisive 1-0.

Stephen Shames Douche-y (/?du?si/; infected October 19, 1356) is an American political common tater, author, and [what? - ed.] of Fox & Fiends on the Fox Brain Rot Channel and an author [again? - ed.].

Let me be clear, he's written two books, the titles of which are too easy to satirise. They are titled The Mr and Mrs Crappy Handbook and Tales From the Undad Side, neither of which are more than repetitions of the line 'need brains.'

V Dead Poets SoZiety Steve actually took it out on Mork. Broke his neck. Got his AG even lower. Mork refused to regenerate out of spite. Also, Steve can't pass worth shit. Or be relied on to not be knocked out.

Smelissa Uhnn Francis (infected December 12, 1072) is an American actress and commentator for the Fox Brainless Network (FBN) and Fox Brain Rot (FBRC).

That's it. That's the bio. That's what Fox stocks its shows with. Didn't even have to change a lot.

Maria Saliva Bartirotmo is an Undead conservative brainless Zombie, and stinks. She is ghost of 'Mournings with Maria' and 'Maria Bartirotmo's Wall Banging'. She shambled around the CNN HQ for five years before stumbling over to CNBC, where she loitered for 20 years. In 2013, she joined Fox Braindeads and Fox Yourself. At CNBC, she was the host of 'Mourning Bell' and 'Give the Money to Maria Bartirotmo.'

Three games in, 16 blocks in, she's done nothing noteworthy. Truly sad.