AN INTERVIEW WITH HEAD COACH BREWIN (3rd of March 2009):

Earlier today I was able to secure an interview with Brewin. He’d just hosted a big party at Warp Den, one of his many taverns, this one located in notorious Snipers Alley. Snipers Alley used to be the homeground for the Guttersnipes, but was closed due to financial difficulties as no teams would play there. If the fact that the pitch was a flooded alleyway with no room for visiting fans wasn’t enough, then the lurking rats that consistently kidnapped and killed assistant coaches, cheerleaders and even reserve players was.

When I reached Snipers Alley I was confronted with the intimidating sight of two huge Storm Vermin, guarding the entrance to Warp Den. The crazed look in their eyes and their razor sharp claws made it clear to me that they were not to be messed with. Beyond them, I could see the double-door entrance to Warp Den. The thick wooden doors were shut and bolted, covered in cuts and bloodstains, some of it green. The doors were flanked on either side by smashed windows that had been hastily boarded up.

I told them who I was and my reason for being here and they escorted me through a side entrance, namely a man-hole down the street leading to the sewers. Fortunately the sewer was dry, if not quite smelly, and it wasn’t long before I reached a ladder leading to another manhole.

The manhole emerged in a private lounge of some sort where sat a well-dressed blond-bearded dwarf covered in bandages and one leg in plaster. Pipes, mugs and a jug of ale sat on small counter table before him. The two Storm Vermin remained, lurking at the periphery of my vision.

"Hello there, I’m Brewin. Welcome to my abode," he said. "Have a seat… and feel free to have a smoke and a drink if you wish… I know I will haha."

My first reaction was to ask what happened with his injuries.

He smiled. "Oh you know, sometimes the parties I throw get a little out of hand. Last night was a big one to say the least haha. I had an open bar to celebrate the forming of my new team. Having an open bar for a mostly Skaven crowd is a lot cheaper than the ones I used to have for dwarves back home let tell me you!

"Anyway it was going pretty well, until I suggested a remedy for a headache to this Troll from a visting Orc team, the "Rörc 'n' Röllers". The remedy you see involved delivering a piece of lead at high velocity to the painful region, and I convinced him that a blunderbuss was the most effective way of doing this. I thought the sight of the Troll blowing his own stupid head off was hilarious but his team mates weren’t so impressed… Anyway I’ve got a thick skull and a good apothecary so the worst I’ll get is another niggling injury haha. As for the other mess, we’ve mopped up most of the blood now but it’ll take a while to fix or replace the windows, chairs… and staff."

"Staff?"

"Yeah there’s a couple of them still alive: Rhak Skutter and Dast Taker. Gutter-runners both of them. They know how to avoid a fight and survive when they need to. Especially them; they’re both veteran one-turners from my established team and they’ve long being a target for injury or death. The other staff that got killed well… let’s just say there’s plenty more rats in the sewer haha." He looked uncomfortable for a moment.

I cut to the chase. "Do you still have a team for the BBQ cup?"

"Um well not at the moment. Most of the staff here you see, were due to be on my new team. But there’s still a few months to go you know before the season starts right? I’ll get some fresh blood in from somewhere, I got plenty of connections and enough capital, so I’ll be right."

"So what can you tell me about the team that you’ll be fielding?"

"Well I’ll basically be running a 11 rat team with 4 runners, 2 blitzers and lots of extra training. Maybe an apothecary but there seems to be plenty of other Skaven teams lining up for the cup at the moment so I’m thinking I’ll get one for the team later… I haven’t got a logo for them yet, let alone a uniform, but you gotta have players first right? Haha."

"Why the BBQ cup?"

He smiled, "Because it’s there haha. Think of the glory… Think of the publicity, the revenue, I could generate from something like that. Why I could expand my tavern empire to dizzy heights! Not to mention I heard it does an awesome BBQ!"

"How do you intend to compete?"

"With honor and no mercy haha. You don’t win games, or cups, by being nice. And you don’t make money and keep your fans by losing games either. The skaven I’ve coached to be hated by their competitors are hated because they win. Yeah they’ll gang-foul when a golden opportunity is there, or knock players into the stands, but I coach them to honor the game rules above all else. The only thing worse than defeat is hollow victory by cheating. If the rules say if I coach a dwarf team that I can drive a "deathroller" onto the pitch for a drive, I’m gunna use one! Likewise I’m gunna pump those Skaven full of as much Warpstone as I can get! But to cheat, avoid matches or to forget that it’s only a game and that it’s the love of the game that’s why we’re here, to me are practices I never have nor ever will condone."

"Skaven honorable?"

"You’d be surprised human. Your kind isn’t always so honorable yourself haha."

At this point I began to feel a little intimated, not helped by the beady gaze of the two Storm Vermin. I cut short my interview there and asked to be escorted back out of the compound.

Brewin seemed happy to comply and offered this parting comment. "I didn’t mean to offend you. I am in the habit of causing offense, but only for a laugh you see, not to genuinely cause anyone any harm. On the field is another matter entirely, but off-field I’m just having fun. I think we can all be too serious and could use some lightening up haha! Anyway thanks for coming, and rest assured you’ll be hearing more of me soon!"