I try my best to play like this:

<a href=http://fumbbl.com/index.php?name=PNphpBB2&file=viewtopic&t=221&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=>Vorners Code of Cool Coach Conduct:</a>

This is a little article to educate and advise those of you that are not cool coaches. Written by myself, clearly the coolest coach in Fumbbl, it is an appraisal you can trust.

Those that disagree with any part of the code, will just have to come to terms with the fact that they are just not very cool!

First a few facts:
They reckon that only 1-37 babies are born cool. This figure increases to 1-25 while growing, and then plummets at teenage years to 1-268. Most of us in our twenties, that is to say 1-14 will have regained our coolness. Unfortunately with the advance of middle age the figures become worse and people are increasingly unable to maintain their coolness. I won't depress the older Fumbblers with these figures.

The Cool Code of Coaching.

1)Cool coaches welcome an opponent to the field. They always wish an oppo luck. If its an oppo they know well enough, they wish them a slow and painful death instead.

2)Bad dice rolls are funny. And the lower your luck rating tumbles the funner the game. This doesn't translate to your oppo. So laughing at him isn't that cool. Unless he concedes in which case try and get in as many (lol) as possible before he disconnects in a huff.

3)Concedes are very very uncool.

4)A cool coach will thank someone after a match. Even if he is imagining setting their face on fire and trying to put out the blaze with a fork. The uncoolest of coaches just disconnect. Have a chance to congratulate the oppo and talk a little. The game isn't just about scores its about making friends.

5)If you can't make friends, make enemies! Better to be known for something than nothing!

6)1 turners. Very uncool. Blitz,.... score. Boring! Play the game with a little variation in mind. I mean use a little skill to score, not just 1 blitz and 1 GFI.

7)Fouling is cool.

8)Fouling after the 6th turn of the second half, is uncool.

9)Fouling when you have nothing to gain in terms of scoring, or targetting players in the dying minutes.... is very very uncool. Don't mash someone's team for the sake of it? How would u like it if someone came into your room and smashed up your girlfriend?... I mean PC. Just cos they wanted to? Not cool.

10)Fouling 1 turners in the closing minutes though... is obviously cool.

11)Calling your PC your girlfriend... not cool.

12)Dirty players are cool.

13)Piling on players are cool.

14)12 dirty players and 12 piling on players in a team ain't cool. Look it this way, too much of something good just makes it crap. 2 boobies are lovely. But imagine 7 on the same woman... see where I'm coming from?

15)Pushing players into touch. How can some people not think this is cool?!?!? A famous player torn to shreds by his own fans desperate to have some of their favorite player's clothing/body parts. What could be funnier or more in the spirit of BB?

16)Complaining. Not cool. So you had -20% luck. So you couldn't even sucessfully block a snotling with a 250 spp treeman. Do you think anyone in chat cares? I can assure you they don't. Don't mistake interest or sincere consolation in your loss or bad luck. They're really sat at their PC laughing their ass off. And its entirely at you, not with you!

17)If you want to complain go with your Granny to play bingo once a week.

18)Grannies... as hard as they try, not cool.

19)Leap skill. Cool.

20)Leap skill on a player with ag5 or higher. Not cool. Why? Cos it then becomes too damn good is why. Don't argue I'm writing this.

21)Wild Animals. Cool. They're crazy ass creatures to play with. A massive liability that always manages to do loads of damage! They lose as many games as they help win. And are for the truely crazy coach. So it stands to reason they must be cool.

22)Cool does not equate to good.

23)Which is why gobbos are cool.

24)Halflings are even cooler! Why? Because they are even worse!

25)Picking holes in any part of the Cool Code of Conduct. Just about the most uncool thing you could do.

26)Not setting up a player because you're scared he'll get hurt is uncool. If you've got enough players not to pick him thats fine. But if you set up with less than 11 men, just to keep him warm and safe..... hang your head in shame and go stand in that corner!

Well thats the cool code of conduct. Feel free to add suggestions to the code, but it is unlikely I will amend them, because its equally unlikely that you are as cool as me.

Hope people like this, and feel free to use it as an acid test of your own coolness.

Cool Coaches Unite!!!!

(Vorner)