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2015-07-02 01:42:47
24 votes, rating 5.6
24 votes, rating 5.6
Canada Day
Today (July 1) is Canada's 148th birthday. Canada was created in 1867 by the confederation of 3 provinces (Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and the Province of Canada) under British rule. The Province of Canada was split at the same time into Ontario and Quebec. Other provinces were added later, the last (Newfoundland and Labrador) in 1949. The country was made semi-autonomous from Britain in 1931 and near-fully in 1982, although we are still technically a colony with a ceremonial link to the Motherland via our Governor General and the Queen's mug on our currency.
Fascinating I know. Anyway, the point -- I thought these were funny:
Q: How do you get a Canadian to apologize?
A: Step on their foot. [so true]
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't change light bulbs, they accept them the way they are.
Q: How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
A: You say, "Please get out of the swimming pool."
Q: What do you call a sophisticated American?
A: A Canadian.
Q: How many seasons are there in Canada?
A: Two: Winter, and Road Repair
Q: How many Edmonton Oilers [hockey team] fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just sit around in the dark and talk about how good the light bulb used to be.
Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road?
A: He saw some American do it on TV.
Q: When and where is the annual Canadian Blood Bowl major?
A: It's called the Spike! Magazine Blood Bowl Championship and it takes place this year on August 29-30 near Vancouver, BC. Register here: http://spiketournament.com. Locals are happy to pick you up at the airport or bus station, just let us know. Hope to see you there!
Fascinating I know. Anyway, the point -- I thought these were funny:
Q: How do you get a Canadian to apologize?
A: Step on their foot. [so true]
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They don't change light bulbs, they accept them the way they are.
Q: How do you get 50 Canadians out of a swimming pool?
A: You say, "Please get out of the swimming pool."
Q: What do you call a sophisticated American?
A: A Canadian.
Q: How many seasons are there in Canada?
A: Two: Winter, and Road Repair
Q: How many Edmonton Oilers [hockey team] fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just sit around in the dark and talk about how good the light bulb used to be.
Q: Why did the Canadian cross the road?
A: He saw some American do it on TV.
Q: When and where is the annual Canadian Blood Bowl major?
A: It's called the Spike! Magazine Blood Bowl Championship and it takes place this year on August 29-30 near Vancouver, BC. Register here: http://spiketournament.com. Locals are happy to pick you up at the airport or bus station, just let us know. Hope to see you there!
Comments
Posted by WhatBall on 2015-07-02 02:07:11
Rated 6, because Canuckistan!
Q: What is the greatest Canadian league on FUMBBL?
A: The CFFL, ...err, sorry. :D
Q: What is the greatest Canadian league on FUMBBL?
A: The CFFL, ...err, sorry. :D
Posted by albinv on 2015-07-02 03:19:14
" The country was made semi-autonomous from Britain in 1931 and near-fully in 1982, although we are still technically a colony with a ceremonial link to the Motherland..."
This being the important part.
Grats nontheless.
This being the important part.
Grats nontheless.
Posted by happygrue on 2015-07-02 04:00:31
Last year while visiting Montreal with my family, we were headed back to the boarder and my 5 year old was wailing in the back "I don't want to leave Canada!!!" with big tears rolling down his cheeks.
True story!
Also this recent bit on Last Week Tonight was pretty great: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfpWZRTd0ik
Also, also: CFFL FTW!
True story!
Also this recent bit on Last Week Tonight was pretty great: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfpWZRTd0ik
Also, also: CFFL FTW!
Posted by pythrr on 2015-07-02 04:20:11
woot woot
glorius socialist kanada!
glorius socialist kanada!
Posted by pythrr on 2015-07-02 04:21:26
Q: How many Edmonton Oilers [hockey team] fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. They watch as their latest #1 draft pick electrocutes himself, and laugh at his ruined career. #mcdavid
A: One. They watch as their latest #1 draft pick electrocutes himself, and laugh at his ruined career. #mcdavid
Posted by Balle2000 on 2015-07-02 04:27:50
Canaday
Posted by Wreckage on 2015-07-02 04:57:31
You were just waiting to write that last one, eh?
Posted by Russo on 2015-07-02 06:47:40
Happy Canada Day!
Posted by paradocks on 2015-07-02 08:59:22
How do you get a New Zealander into Canada? .. no really, I need to know how I get into Canada..
Posted by awambawamb on 2015-07-02 14:44:11
I've read this listening to The Bluenose.
arrrrh.
arrrrh.
Posted by grant85 on 2015-07-02 15:38:05
BNA ACT what-what!!
Posted by PaddyMick on 2015-07-02 17:14:11
I'm not your buddy guy!
Your'e not my guy buddy!
Your'e not my guy buddy!
Posted by pythrr on 2015-07-02 18:30:49
"How do you get a New Zealander into Canada? .. no really, I need to know how I get into Canada.."
PM me if you want to know.
PM me if you want to know.
Posted by grant85 on 2015-07-02 19:28:40
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-glHAzXi_M
Posted by Catalyst32 on 2015-07-03 09:26:30
I would consider moving to your country for good and bring my special expertise to the Great White North. A set of skills Canada (aka Americas Hat), sorely needs to start performing better in the Olympics and other world events like the Pan-Am games etc.
BUT... you country allows AGE DISRIMINATION to keep qualified people like me from such jobs. I am just now 40 and in your country I MUST apply and be accepted by the age of 35 to even begin a career in my field AND I would be FORCED to retire at age 50 whether or not I can still do the job or not. I am not even allowed TO APPLY for this job.
I never even gave it a go in this industry until the year I was 34 and only realized I could make a career out of it when I was 36. Plus, here in a far more competitive environment many of the best in my profession still work at the TOP levels well into their late 50's and some into their late 60's. Many more work on lower levels into their mid-to late 70's.
Damn Nanny State ruining peoples dreams based on arbitrary numbers that have NOTHING to do with the actual requirements for the job. Holding back people. Holding back Canada.
BUT... you country allows AGE DISRIMINATION to keep qualified people like me from such jobs. I am just now 40 and in your country I MUST apply and be accepted by the age of 35 to even begin a career in my field AND I would be FORCED to retire at age 50 whether or not I can still do the job or not. I am not even allowed TO APPLY for this job.
I never even gave it a go in this industry until the year I was 34 and only realized I could make a career out of it when I was 36. Plus, here in a far more competitive environment many of the best in my profession still work at the TOP levels well into their late 50's and some into their late 60's. Many more work on lower levels into their mid-to late 70's.
Damn Nanny State ruining peoples dreams based on arbitrary numbers that have NOTHING to do with the actual requirements for the job. Holding back people. Holding back Canada.
Posted by pythrr on 2015-07-03 18:44:11
well, that's a relief! ;)
Posted by pythrr on 2015-07-03 18:45:07
also, i had no idea that male prostitutes (aka joy-boys, or wiffle-snaffers) had to retire at 50. how sads!
Posted by Wreckage on 2015-07-04 01:49:21
Canada should follow the greek bailout concept: Force people to work until they die but in order to keep it manageable get rid of all the jobs.
Posted by fidius on 2015-07-04 02:29:38
Silly Catalyst. Socialist Canada knows better.
Posted by Kam on 2015-07-04 03:52:10
The real question is... What happened to Canada Dry? You could find it everywhere when I was a kid...
Posted by Kam on 2015-07-04 03:53:17
@ Weackage: so German, so absurd...
Posted by Wreckage on 2015-07-04 09:56:35
Kam just like his name: Impossible to find or recognize, just fails at trying to be antagonizing. Unable to speak in coherent sentences since 2012.
Posted by Gozer_the_Gozerian on 2015-10-21 08:00:06
I drank all the Canada Dry.