“A disappointing first game for the Shivs. I knew it would be a hard game coming up against the more seasoned SKP team but I had hoped for my lads to not have been freaked out as much and failed in so many of their attempts.

Game Disappointments: Mac the Knife managed to procure some illicit chemical assistance, was knocked out in turn 3 and stayed alseep for the rest of the day. I am going to have to look into the side effects of these "enhancements.

"New Fish" also managed to show his green stripe by letting an opponent's fingers get through his face guard and into his eye. Hopefully this won't effect his catching skills when he returns.

Game Highlights: Our other resident F****** New Guy Jonas managed to impress us with our first kill on a double take down against a blitzing Ian Brady. This sort of moxie is to be commended and nurtured.

Game Lessons: Magic = Very Useful. Our one real opportunity to score was unfortunately cut short by a nastily hurled fireballed that took the legs out of #16 'Janice'.”