“In this game, the Outlaws ran up against their Coach's old Team Captain; knowledge of their enemy didn't help them in the slightest.

Rark made a large donation to the widows and orphans fund and the fans made several impromptu collections to back them up. Ugroth Bolgrot made his final appearance for the team, and local shaman Oddgit even put in an appearance.

It started well, receiving the ball and bashing some Elves, but the agile players managed to free up the ball while most of the greenskins were distracted by the Witch Elves. Luckily, the Captain had inserted magnets into the ball and told his boys to where extra armour. Although the extra armour didn't help against the Elven ingenuity, it did encourage the ball to bounce favourably. Which it did. Repeatedly.

In the dying seconds of the first half, the Outlaws suffered two calamities. First, Ugroth fell on his own chainsaw. Now, he's done this before, but this time, he was pronounced dead at the scene; it took his doctors 43 minutes to revive him. Distracted by this horrible sight, Hik Ronk tripped over his own feet while racing for the line, gifting the Dark Entries with their first touchdown.

Things were looking grim for the Orcs. 1-0 down, they'd lost their star player. Even worse, with the Dark Elves set for a fast touchdown, Oddgit, the shaman, decided to hurry them along with a fireball. One Elf injured and another knocked out allowed for one lone Orc to blitz through and pressure the ball carrier. Unfortunately, the pressure was not enough and the score line changed to 2-0.

For the final play of the match, the ball was kicked too deep, and the Orcs were left scrambling. 3-0 was a harsh blow to bear, but worse was yet to come.

Ugroth's agent made the following statement after the match:

"Mr Bolgrot was most disappointed by the lack of protection offered to him on the field. He was left isolated and encouraged to carry both the ball and his chainsaw. Mr Bolgrot has no plans to play for the Badland Outlaws again, either in the near or distant future, in this dimension or any other."

A spokesman for the team gave this retort:

"He sat on his own chainsaw!"

We'll bring you more on this exciting issue as it develops.

”