“The sun was setting and it was almost time for the night's entertainment, but coach PandaPower was still waiting for that damn wizard to turn up. He had actually hired him as a team treat after the auctioneers' first win (Fonzo the Clown), but he hadn't showed up. It was only after Panda had got in several swings with the gavel that it turned out the useless sod was a wizard. Panda envisaged setting his rabid gang of frogs on him unless he turned up soon, but settled for having a few pints to calm the nerves. What was a Panda doing coaching frogs anyway? And there was never any good bamboo around in Surrey...
Half an hour later, and two frogs were digging Panda out of a ditch. Catherine was muttering something about typical blokes, when she saw a bloke in a dress. He was whistling absent-mindedly. Probably not a Scot - he wasn't a ginger - and besides, didn't they wear skirts? It must be the wizard... And sure enough, she took him to one side and quietly told him that if he wasn't in the dressing room in two minutes she would personally ensure the front of his dress would stay flat.
Shame really, because the real wizard turned up a few moments later and was taken to be just another screaming fan, so a baffled cross-dresser called Timothy was shortly to become even more confuddled when he was presented with a stick and hat with Wizzard scrawled across it. He gulped and his Adam's Apple bobbed up and down.
And then it was time for kick off. Panda cheerfully stuck two fingers up at the ref as he took his place on the team bench and belched loudly as the fans screamed. His players shame-facedly took to the pitch, with three of the stouter troops taking the scrumline. Catherine was dragging Timothy onto the pitch, who was all the while protesting that it was far too muddy for his heels. To no avail...
The whistle blew, and the roar of the fans became deafening, with coach Panda merrily conducting them in a chorus of 'The Referee is a misguided young individual who is no better than he should be'. His opposing number meanwhile was busily telling his players what to do, resulting in a well-drilled offence line surging up the north side. In retaliation, the frogs ignored the ball and crowdpushed Nick S, who they thought was looking at them in a funny way. Eventually however, after some uncharacteristically helpful prompting from the crowd (The ball! Get the f***in' ball!), Panda regained his wits sufficiently to instruct his players to pin the orcs to the sidelines.
Coach Canix was quick to respond though, and literally stunned the opposing players to run the lone ball-carrier down towards the touchzone. He sprinted past his markers and was ready to score when he stopped for a breather, thinking he was safe.
He hadn't counted on the very long legs (TM) of the slimy amphibians however and he was soon flat on his face as Charles Hanson splatted into him. All eyes turned to the ball as it dribbled over to within one square of the endzone, though it was well-marked by slimeballs everywhere.
Each side scrambled towards it, but just as the orcs approached, Filipo Serrelli grasped it in both hands and held it up. My preciousssssss! He made to move down the line, but was distracted by an orc calling him a nasty name. Instead of scoring, as an animated coach Panda was screaming, he decided to punch him into the crowd. Panda sighed. The crowd cheered (and bit, and scratched, and generally inconvenienced his victim.)
All that was left was for the whistle to blow, and once the ref's three parps came, the players trooped back for the team-talks.

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Second half still to come!”