“Anchorage -- March 6, 2024

The Eskimos returned home late Tuesday night, packed tightly in a shoddy old caravel. Poor old Harper spent the latter half of the journey bent over the edge of the ship emptying his guts into the tumult of the sea.

Finally, in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, they arrived at the Anchorage seaport. Their time on the road had come to its end, quite excruciatingly, and later that afternoon they would face a pack of Shambling Undead, the SixFeet coached by the silent and mysterious big_tschad.

The Eskimos made their way onto the snow-dusted pitch to considerable applause from the home crowd, a sound they certainly missed in their exploits across the many seaports they stopped at for recent road games. The game would not start smoothly for the Eskimos, however, as #11 Harper Ink took a blow from a mummy that, in conjunction with his sensitive stomach, sidelined him for the first half. Blitzer Didi Casal got an early read on the sky-high kick, and tried a quick strike into the SixFeet backfield, only to be stopped in his tracks by the groteseque Harmony Zotar.

This defensive drive continued slowly, as five-odd Anchorage men tangled with the advancing mummies. Finally, a beat of ferocity came when the Hailey brothers each dealt stabs to the undead manpower of SixFeet. The frigid air of Anchorage must have cooled the necro-blood of these fleshy beings, as they tossed and turned but couldn't nullify the pain of their injuries as the game swept on. This proved to be the turning point for coach fivehead, as his men encased Ghoul Runner Slave Georg and eventually executed the sack with Leopold Hailey. Blockers at his side, Hailey commenced a terrifying sprint down the length of the field with the undead shambling close behind.

The half ended 1-0 Eskimos, putting them in a slippery but marginally comfortable lead as they received in the second half. Harper Ink pounded his fists together and ran to the line-of-scrimmage, seemingly having ingested some Dramamine as he watched the battles of the first half. To the pleasure of the crowd, he knocked a few bones out of alignment in skeleton Damian Kathein, putting the Eskimos up in manpower again to start the second drive of the day.

But things would start to upend themself for fivehead and the Anchorage team, as Ink lost his rematch with the mummies and stalked to the sidelines to vomit an ogre-stomach of bile by the infirmary. The rest of the men, who had stood resilient to several attacks in the first half, began to show their fatigue. Jozafat Gupta tripped on a routine dodge and subsequently snoozed- too many concussions in his younger days did him in. This left the too-far-forward Thrower Brooks Clement face to face with #5 Mummy Six, who'd help tear a hole in the Anchorage line and allow for the sack by #2 Taker and recovery by Slave Georg. Still early in the half, the men would make 2 sacks on the ball carrier-- but increasingly desperate in their positioning, they only delayed the end of game tying TD.

A draw wasn't the worst for the team, especially after marking up the loss column multiple times on the last road trip. But still, this outcome was frustrating for fans hoping to see a dominant performance as the Eskimos returned to their home stadium. Critics chalk it up to inexperience, mostly noting the poor positioning in the second half, and poor conditioning that made it seem much of the team could only play one solid half before going off to sleep in the latter.

Nonetheless, things continue to move forward. The Eskimos look to finish out their first-season sprint at home again next week, as they'll play in their fifteenth career match.
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