“Flip.

SCREEEEEEEEEECH!

*small green hand reaches up and grabs the mic*

Tap-tap. One two four testin, testin. Hihihi, it be workin!

Spunkin aint be comin todayer. He gots hammerered wid da Boyz doc-medic so dey am not be comin anyof em. That leaves me, the great Konkuzon, doin der reporterin of da Boyz match gainst dem pointy eared basterds todayer.

Ha, dat fool coach Khaan fell for me trick as I blamed me ol injuree n I gots outta playin today. So I snucks in ere for some qualirific reporterin. Joy! *spins around on office chair*

Me mates are gonna punt some elfie butt of da darker kind today. Social inetegrazion is important stuffs me ol pa always used to says. Den again he inetegrated lots of stuff, specially in his lunches. I says da darker dey bes da darker dey be fallin. Mm-mmm. Me perty happy bout not playin tho, wid doc-medic missin it be nasty out dere.

Oh der goes da whistle. We got KICK OFF!

Dem Dicktaters elfies gots da ball first. All ten of em be rushin down into Boyz territory. Some ugly elfie witch, #2 Elena, in full spandex suit come yellin up da top field lookin all annoyin as da elf blitzas charge into me lads. Grumpypants take her down! Mash her head good big guy!

Blah he missed. Helmet Harry lookin all sad, he wanted some good bootin action me bets.

Dat annoyin elf goes skippin all over me lads 'n dey cant be catchin her. Stomp her Grumpy! Blah she scores. Silly elves.

Ok now da Boyz be gettin da ball. Oafie takes care of it, n Grumps blitzes dat witchelf and another one... ah bugger Grumps misses again! Grumpy what you be doin?

Ah but look at Lucky go, dats da spirit, he be lining up for a good kickin of a downed elf at da scrimmage. Three lads holdin down dat screamin elf and ere he comes! PUNT! Blah da elf only gots dizzy and KOed.

Da elfes be speedy and annoyin, n now dey snatch da ball from Oafie but Grumps is lining up fer some elftrashin to return da ball. Horrible horrible, Grumps decides to pick some boogers instead of blitzing. I can sees coach Khaan screaming and spitting froth all over. Boy he be angry now. Haha, look at him go all red. He looks like a christmas tree. Oops gotta edit dat one out before he hears it or im gonna be playin scrimmage next game surely.

Now elf #4 'Papa Doc' Duvalier blocks Oafie. Oh bad bad elf. Oafie got hurtz! Badly hurts, he be carried off da pitch. Dis be puttin some serious dent on our strats now wid Oafie all gone for dis match. Elves continue blockin and KO our agile Foot'n'alf. What be dis, dem elves on steroids cheatin basterds all knockin over our star players. Me thinks dem elves got a smart Coach wid a Brain tellin em how to do it. Prolly cheatin too. Know I would be. Ack, now Lucky got niggled too. What a stroke of shit luck for coach Khaan. Three key playas out in just a heartbeat.

Blah, and now elves score again cause of dat annoyin witchelf. 2-0 for da bad guys.

Crowd aint too happy right now. Oh watch out, ere comes part of section B flyin into midfield! *THUMP!* We definitely got some trollish Boyz fans lookin at dis match, and dey not be too cheery. Well Boyz better be shapin up or da arenas gonna be in shambles even before the postgame victory bash.

Just three minutes left of first half now, we see da Boyz linin up to receive. Dey be gots to be scorin fast like now to have a shot at winnin dis. Grumpypants jogs on field wid a humongous grin on his face.

BU-ROOP! Ah maan, dat was Grumps not me. One nasty helluva sound dere, I can see coach brought out some fungus ale for Grumps fer sure. Dis has got to have sharpened dat ogger up. See him linin up top field grinning at dat annoying witchelf and some other elf next to her.

Dere be da kickoff, and two Boyz gobos just snuck in behind dem two elves. Tyin up der shoelaces and... a-yup, here comes Grumpy crashin into dem elves. Holy fungusale overdose! BOTH da elves are smashed down screamin all pansylike. Now, yes, dey be carried off whinin like lil girls and dey be not returnin dis match fer sure. Coach Khaan gives a thumbs up to Grumps from across da field as da fans go totally nuts. You can hear em chantin now, listen:

<i>We go mashin'
wid da Boyz
we be bashin'
make loud noise
Boyz, Boyz, Boyz</i>

Da arena is tremblin me tells ya, and da Boyz push forward harder and harder. Sploogy multiblocks two elves knockin em back a full 10 yards and rumbles forward. Now da entire elf line be bucklin and da Boyz sweep through da middle and da top. N' watch Helmet Harry sprint forward through da dustclouds! Up on Sploogys shoulders, he takes off... and lands square in the chest on an elf blitzer! Holy dats gotta hurt. Da elf is carried off unconcious to da BH box. Wooha. What a foul.

Da ref sees Harry and seems to dig his style, but rules be rules. Harry is ejected for unsporty playin. Lemme tell ya radio fans, da arena be cookin now! Harry be wavin to his fans from da dugout, n da fans be holdin up big posters with letters on em now: JUST PUNT IT, it spells out. Haha watch em wild fans go. Whatever dey be thinkin up next.

Ok on field da Boyz seem to have forgot about da ball momentarily. We gots da ball deep on Boyz bottom half next to da sideline, and elves be rushin toward it. Only Foot'n'alf, now recovered from his previous KO, be playin backfield. Dis be lookin very risky to me. Foot'n'alf picks up der ball n tosses it upfield hopin to get it aways from him. No gobo wants to really hold dat hot potato. Attention aint a good thing when you clock in at 70lbs and two foot three. Katatonik helps out by attachin himself to da threatening elf blitzers legs, but alas da elf breaks loose... and elves score usin a pass. Cheatin bastards actually throwing da ball above our heads where we cant reach it. Blah humbug.

Only one minute remaining of first half now, Boyz are down 3-0 and Foot'n'alf teams up with Grumps behind the scrimmage line. Da ball be caught and handed off to Foot'n'alf... Grumps picks da lil geezer up and... watch him fly. Da arena goes completely quiet watchin him fly over astonished elven linemen. And its a good landin... da arena explodes and YES he scores!

Think we gots us a new superstar in trainin now. Da fans be yellin Foot'n'alf over and over. I can see JUST TOSS IT spelled out up on section B now. Haha, go fans.

Dere be da halftime whistle. Boyz are down 3-1 but now dey be receiving.

Hmm ok where be dat intermission tape wid snotling polka music? Ah ere it be.

*intermission music*

Ok fans! Second halfer startin up alreadys n da weather be switched to rainy rain now. Rainin cats n dwarves I tells ya. , Already we see an elf carried off seriously injured by a goblin block, and Grumpy badly hurts another one wid a blitz. Oh my dis carnage lookin good. Just five elves left onfield. Can dey stand against da Boyz ten? Me happy I aint an elf today, cause Grumpy is on a roll. Dat fungus ale sure livened him up.

Da ball be slippery in da rain and dere be some scufflin up top midfield now as players be scramblin about in da mud tryin to secure it. Dere, Boyz got it, but elves blitz down da ballholder. It's loose again. Rumble rumble, here comes Grumpy, he mashes down an elf lineman who is badly hurt. That's four, yes four confirmed cases for Grumpy today. Sploogy has got to learn how to tackle like Grumpy cause that troll aint too hot right now, he just be pushin elves about.

Anyway, Boyz got ball secure now and charge upfield close to da sideline. One elf still threatening ballholder, me thinks Grumps is supposed to take him down but Grumps is sittin about in da mud exhausted it seems. Is dat fungus ale hangover hittin him up? He gots to last a few minutes more to secure dis fer da Boyz. Ok dere he's up again and blitzes down two elves... and Foot'n'alf scores his second goal today for da Boyz. 3-2 to da elves now, with fives minutes remaining of the match.

Elves line up their only four players and Boyz kick off perfectly back field. Elves botch up a pass and its a turnoveroo! Sploogy finally gets it right and knocks down two elves, allowing gobs to sprint forward toward da wayward ball but not reaching it. Dey knock down the ballguarding elf tho. Oh look at dat! Grumps picks up Foot'n'alf and tosses him upfield... *WOOOSH* and he lands... on top of Speedy da goblin knocking him flat in da mud. Haha dat be hilarious. Da elf coach is havin laughter fits now, and so is our coach. To top it off Foot'n'alf fumbles the ball in da mud and its loose, but Boyz are all over it.

Wid just three minutes left da elves try to secure the ball, hoping to prevent another Boyz goal and da win. Centerfield we see Katatonik diving tackling a dodging elf lineman. Splasheroo, both go down its goblin initiative now! Two minutes left. Dis gonna be tight fer sure. Da Dictator fans be chanting DEFENSE DEFENSE DEFENSE now. What defense with just four players left on field. Haha silly elves cant count.

Foot'n'alf snatches the muddy ball and retreats a yard to protection, but a sneaky elf blitzer, #10 Stalin it is, gets loose and sprints toward Foot'n'alf. Oh crucial seconds dis be. Stalin messes up his block totally and falls flat on his face, mud cascading all over. Foot'n'alf has a clear path to da touchdown, and he goes for it!

Six yards, five, three, two, one yard... it's a TOUCHDOWN! Woo-haa boy what action. It's tied 3-3 now but the game is all but up, just measly 30seconds left with elves receiving.

But Boyz are in a craze and blitz! Grumps picks up #4 Duvalier and remind him why it's a bad idea to pick on Oafie. He bends Duvaliers leg straight back at da kneecap. Oh man, ouch ouch ouch. Pain. Pure agonizing pain. Watch da elf medic come running in now. Lucky elf seems to make it out alive after all.

Dere goes da final whistle, and Grumps is grinning and waving at da fans, as are all da Boyz. Da fans be chanting back. This sure feels like a win despite the 3-3 result. What a match, what a match. If you weren't here you oughta 'ave been I tell ya.

From da Boyz we likes ta thank da elves for a good match, and coachBrain for showin us why elves need to be dealt with in special ways. Good show for da fans, sponsors loved it, everyone be happy me thinks.

Ok maybe not Lucky with a now banged up leg, but he was in bandages already, so screw him!”