“By Nurgle's fetid armpit-juices! Who's been sittin on my chair? Damn goblins how do they get in here, and who they think they be, dropping green goo all over me comfy chair? Blah!

Mmm...this stuff ain't so bad you know. There, down into my pocket I'll save the rest for later. *sucks fingers clean*

Ah well, as you be hearin it's Spunkin O'Blogg back from a pretty solid hangover to report todays match. Coach Smashak just unleashed his Smazkvo...Samakvo.. his army of darkness onto the Blood Bowl field. Coach Khaan is pitting everyones fav team da Boyz against them ghastly foulsmelling players.

As a thank you to loyal rockthrowerin-pitch-invadin-rabid fans coach Khaan has hired the star player Nobbla for todays match for some extra carnage. The fans sure seem to love it too! Looking at that giant mummy, player #1 Tutanchamon, Nobblas skills might very well be needed. Holy mummy giantness! By Mork I do believe he is even bigger than Grumpypants. Oh my. Scary, scary indeed.

Looks like Nobbla is starting on the bench though as the undead are starting to receive. Them mummies, a wight and some other foul rabble have lined up now at the scrimmage, facing three lil' scared gobos. Poor sods.

And there's the kick off! The undead block down the front goblins, pick up the ball and advance top field across the middle. The Boyz tentatively advance forward with Grumps and Splooge anchoring. The undead form up a cage, with the ballholding ghoul surrounded by skeletons and zombos.

Now coach Khaan is screaming out orders, and yes, here comes Sploogy lumbering forward at top speed! He crashes into one of the caging skeletons, knocking it down. He's just in reach of the ghoul now! The rest of the Boyz are setting up a defensive grid to stop the ghoul from getting through incase Sploogy can't contain him. That ghoul might very well be in a scoring position already. A fast bugger he looks like.

Oh look at that, bit of a messup as a skeleton runs past a goblin who is quick to lend a tripping leg. Down the skeleton goes in a clatter, and we got Boyz initiative!

Sploogy is in reach of the ballholder but Grumps, an experienced tackler, takes the blitz instead. Look at him gaining speed there fans, this is gonna hurt. Wowzers! He takes down the ghoul as well as a zombo who happened to be loitering about. The ball is loose, but not for long. Oafie snatches it and retreats back.

The undead are rallying now and we got a bit of scuffle top field with undead players pouring in from all over. That scary big mummy blitzes Grumpy, but Grumpy dodges out of the way. Haha, don't we just love seeing that! Even the fans are cheering now, but it seems Grumps isn't too happy about having to use his hidden dodge skills. I know his drinkin buds down at the Sloshed Badger are never gonna let him hear the end of this. Well well, coach Khaan is pleased though, and I bet the undead coach isn't.

Back to the game, with five minutes left we got a skeleton planting a scruffy boot smack in some gobo privates. Ouch that's gotta hurt. Poor little gobo is carried off badly hurt it seems. The ref is asleep as usual, and them heartless fans are cheering at the carnage! No team spirit there it seems.

Now the Boyz, with ball possession, are countering at the top of the field. Splooge clears a narrow corridor near the sideline by knocking over a skeleton. Oafie fakes a leftie and goes for a hidden handoff to Foot'n'alf. Straight outta the playbook! The goblin coach nods appreciatively. This is lookin good for the Boyz indeed.

The undead continue just mashin players into the mix, makin it tighter and tighter in there. Sploogy has a critical anchor position up top now, he's holding off a truckload of frothing mad undead players wanting to get a bite outta the small green guys. A skeleton goes for a daredevil move, with just two assists he blocks Splooge! Oh my this can't possibly succeed. But it does! IT DOES! Splooge goes down, and he's hurt even! His innate troll regeneration doesn't even help him out, and he has to be lifted off the field with a crane.

Schocking, schocking i tell ya! Coach Khaan is waving a fist in the air and jumping about. Boy is he angry now. This gonna be rough now with just Grumps, and he ain't even the biggest feller on field with that huge mummy there.

The undead are surely smelling victory already. The wight blitzes a goblin and punches him in the face knockin him out, with a knuckleduster. Them cheatin undeads have smuggled illegal weaponry onfield! How dare they! A whole knuckleduster too, how could the ref not see that coming. Nobbla Blackwart is screaming CHEATERS! from the bench. Indeed Nobbla, indeed.

Now going with the roll the undead are pretty smart and continue fouling, but the ref has awoken now and sends off the transgressin zombo. Ha serves him right. Pick on someone yer own size. Boo out you go! Fans be thinkin the same thing me thinks.

Well the Boyz are in a bit of a pinch now as the undead are regrouping bottom field, and with Grumps all tied up up top with that monster mummy. Oh mommy what we gonna do! That was an undead joke... mom...mummy...erm forget you 'eard it listeners.

Now we see Katatonik the gobo sneaking up right next to the huge mummy, and meanwhile Oafie takes aim and blitzes down a skeleton right next to Grumpy. Whatever IS this. Why ain't Grumps beating up stuff instead?

Aha, I see now, the skeleton knocks back the mummy, clearing a space for Grumps... who picks up the ballcarrying Foot'n'alf and tosses him downfield! What a move there.

Swooosh them undead have been outmaneuvered it looks like, just gotta have a good landin there... ouch we got some turbulence it seems and Foot'n'alf lands on his head! The Boyz fans go dead quiet and the undead fans .... are still dead quiet. Do they ever say anything? Them fans remind me of a knitting meetin for the extremely old and deaf.

That speedy ghoul is retrievin the ball now and hands it off to the wight, but they botch up their play and the ball is loose. The Boyz can't do much with only half a minute left of first half.... but what's that! Helmet Harry has spotted a prone ghoul and here retribution in the form of a cold steel clad boot.

Skrunch!

Oh oh, oh my I can feel the pain all the way up here. No, it wasn't the gonads this time, seems Harry kicked the ghouls arm straight off, off he goes to the dugout... and there comes an assistant with the arm... and there's the halftime whistle!

Hmm, tight game this is. Exciting and very tense, specially for the Boyz with Splooge the troll out of commission along with two goblins and one other goblin still KOed. Now Nobbla is sauntering on field tho, huggin his bright red Rippa400 chainsaw, and the fans are going absolutely bonkers in anticipation! Ah watch it, here comes part of section B flyin down from the upper sections again. Thought they secured that after the last game.

There's the kickoff, the Boyz seem to concentrate topfield, trying to avoid the mummies. Good thinkin there!

With some help Grumps blitzes down the wight and a skeleton, and here comes Harry again! Whammo! The wight is knocked out! Harry is on a roll. Good going, that wight was a nasty fella.

The Boyz advance topfield but the undead are surrounding them. Getting close and comfy at the sideline now. Lots of blocks being thrown in both directions, we even see Nobbla going into a frenzy on a skeleton, WITHOUT the chainsaw. Is Nobbla out of shape? The ball is being taken far back field now to a secure position as the Boyz are trying to find an opening for a play.

The undead manage to badly hurt another goblin and are tying up Grumps. This be lookin bad dear listeners.

Wa-Roooooom! Brmmm brmmm brmmm.

Yes fans fear not, that was Nobbla firing up the ol' dicer. We got action time! Aiming for a skeleton Nobbla jumps into the fray waving that red monstermachine about and easily knocks down the skeleton. Meanwhile we see Grumps taking down the lesser mummy and the gobos even manage to badly hurt a zombo! Is the tide turning now?

The undead try to retaliate but are being tied down by goblins. The ball is brought up from the far back now as the Boyz are advancing. The cheering fans are getting rowdier in anticipation! With the ref temporarily distracted by some cheerleaders Harry punts a downed mummy, to no effect. This is still lookin good tho listeners.

Foot'n'alf catches a handoff and runs upfield, he's in reach of a touchdown soon now. Two gobos are supportin him as Grumps and Nobbla continue to wreak destruction upon the dazed and confused mummies, who be havin trouble stayin upright. Well guess it could be worse for em, coulda been rainin. Soggy toilet paper aint too comfy me bets.

Just two minutes left now of the match, its tied 0-0 but Foot'n'alf is unthreatened with the ball just at the touchdown zone. His compadres are tying down all nearby undead players who are totally locked down.

Matchtime soon over now, Foot'n'alf waltzes into the TD zone for a 1-0 Boyz win. The undead just couldn't get at the ball the last three minutes. There we got the whistle. Boyz score another win!

The fans seem to be happy about the win, despite the lack of carnage, and I think coach Khaan is happy too considering the unlucky ordeal with Sploogekanon at the start there.

Well played Smashak, it be hard stoppin us goblins though.


Note: had to reload due to a freeze, so replay and luck % is just last round unfortunately.”