“This match was brutal.

Proceedings got underway amid controversy that the Blizzards were sporting illegal gloves. When asked to remove his gloves for inspection, Uthar Bloodbane was overheard saying to the referee, "If you want to inspect my gloves, I can hit you to see if it hurts enough." Needless to say the referee was content with the gloves without the need for further inspection.

The game started brightly, with the Chainsaws taking the lead and looking strong. Then a few unsually heavy punches saw the injury of the 'Saws thrower. The apothecary raced onto the field to bring him to his feet, only for him to be hit even harder and killed. Spectators say the doctor - who had not even made if off of the field - was so mad at the reversal of his good work that he threw down his equipment and broke it.

Shortly after that, Stumpy the goblin tripped over his laces and died as a result of his fall. Rumours that he fell on some broken apothecary equipment were stringently denied by the team doctor who commented, "there was nothing lodged in unusual hole in the chest cavity that you can see exposed - I shoud know as I checked him first!"

The official report cited an unusually sharp blade of grass and the team groundsman and his family were subsequently executed for his crimes.

A depleted Chainsaw team could not prevent a rather flukey Blackwood Blizzards team from equalising as two more players were badly hurt. And just as it looked like it could not get any worse, another strangely heavy block knocked Clash's nose ring up into his head. He seemed perfectly OK, snarling, "My Mum bought me that!" At least he was OK until a few seconds later when he sneezed and out came the nose ring along with a lot of blood and a small brain.

5 men down and with no thrower, the home side were unable to provide enough cover for the return kick and the Blizzards ran out a late try to take victory in a game that will go down in Chainsaw and Blizzard history as being one of the most inadvertantly bloody match-ups between two relatively inexperienced sides.”