“This turned out to be an incredible encounter for the 'Saws as they played host to and subsequently routed a lethargic Dogok side.

The Chainsaw came into this game off the back of a match against Globo Gym Reloaded which the officials refused to acknowledge. Watch out for a report on the farcical event after a rematch which will be attended by more officials than a White Goodman barbeque.

The warm-up game seemed to provide extra impetus to the Chainsaw as they started brightly and executed a play straight from the training pitch to score a good early touchdown. In the delirium that followed - the scorer Razor could be heard chanting, "We're actually in the lead for once, super super Chainsaw!" - the defense was not properly organised and Dogok hit back with a quick reply as the home side failed to close their flanks.

Coach Chainsaw must have then given a team talk that made ears bleed and noses blow. An obvious disparity between the motivation of the two sides started to show as Dogok punted the ball back for the restart. New crowd favourite Ku grabbed the ball from deep in his own half to throw to Razor, who raced up and handed off to Steam. Steam then raced away to score another of the great Chainsaw touchdowns.

A much sharper Chainsaw defense then broke down the rushing undead and Sta'nac lobbed Tan Giseky over the scrummage line to take a hand-off from Ku to nick a cheeky 3rd before half time.

To give credit to the away side, they made a better start to the second half but found a rejuvenated Chainsaw defense unwilling to let them through and midway into the second half the orcs broke through the front-line to steal the ball for Razor to score his second of the game.

After numerous attempts and numerous curses at the regenerative abilities of the undead, Sta'nac finally managed to inflict a serious casualty on the undead side as he piled onto a skeleton and crushed most of it into what can only be described as a coarse powder. This really got the home fans cheering as, until now, it had been the only thing missing from the game as a spectacle.

By now the Dogok coach was furious with his walking deads inability to keep themselves together. As limbs started to fall onto the pitch, he threw his arms up and stormed off vowing to work on stronger potions to hold together his minions. Leaderless, they started to aimlessly wonder the pitch whilst the home team chased down their own kick and Razor strolled down the field to score in the dying seconds of the match.

Ecstatic at their biggest ever win, the crowds went wild and forgot to riot against the visiting hordes of undead fans. An inquest will be heard later to establish where the breakdown of leadership occurred.

Hatrick hero Razor commented afterwards, "I can't believe it. We won, and we won in style."

Unusually this report is ended with a notice. Please could the Dogok necromancer coach return to the stadium. His players are still meandering around the pitch and the grounds crew are getting irritable. They are becoming useless for archery practise as the arrows pass straight through them with increasing frequency.”