Hang loose Ladies and Gents,

This weeks report is coming from the sunny beaches of Lustria as Turn 1 Concede takes on the tubular Seraphon Surf Squad. Let's see who nailed the curl and who got reef rash.

These beuxdashus Lizards came off rough after a beating last week from the returning Champs the Reddit Rotters and got a free babe to slather on that sun screen and tanning oil.

-First Half-

The half started with the Lizards winning the coin toss but deciding to cede the first drive to T1C. A good move for the big kahunas and their love of muscle flexing bash play. The starting kick showed just how smart these crazy brahs were when they shifted their line during before T1C saw the move.

The half started off slow with T1C favoring the mobile defense rather than coming to harsh punches. Dodging in and out of the surfers lines to get at the skinks to neuter the lizards future drives. The Surf Squads second turn was mostly fruitless as they could not get a good block on the Gutter Runners to save their lives. It wasn't a bloodless exchange. Suarus Noodle Arms charged Linerat Breek Mai-Faec and both of the players went down hard. Noodle Arms ended up with a pinched nerve in his lower back taking him out of the game, while Breek was just knocked on his face.


The next turn was more of the same as both teams traded pushes and pows, until Gutter Runner Sneaky Hefner was pushed off the field by Skink Coco. Hef was knocked out by a frenzy of rat-ladies pushing for an autograph, pledging their undying love, and trying to have his babies. What a life of a Gutter Runner Captain.

Late in the 4th turn, Run for it Ratman was sprinting down the field when he got cornered by 2 of the other skinks, Ron Jon and Journeyman Jack Palespike as both threatened to steal either the ball or his life. He was hit hard by Ron Jon who failed to recover the ball and it landed in the hands of nearby Kroxigor Big Z who was puzzled by the strange oblong ball now secured in his scaled hands.

But Gutter Runner Wassa Balla wasn't going to let a 8 foot, 900 pound, terrifying giant lizard monster have the ball for long and with the help of 3 other players took Big Z down and recovered the ball all in one motion! It was a sight to behold. With the rest of the team gathered around to protect Wassa, a touchdown was all but secured.

Big Z would have other plans as he rose from the ground like one of those Nipponese Kijou pictographs. Rearing up to slam the tiny Rat thing that knocked him down, Wassa darted in between his legs and tripped the Krox. Dropping the ball in the process. The ball bounced out side the safety of the cage when no one could get a ratty claw on the ball. Wassa was first too recover from the giant he had tripped and rushed to secure the ball while the other players of T1C followed in suit. Wassa was able to score early into the 7th turn.

It was the the Surfers time to show T1C how to shred the turf, giving the Linerats a proper beating. But Kai the Skink could get a handle on the ball. Leaving it far behind Surf Squads line. The surfers failed again in the 8th turn when Jack Palespike failed to catch a wild ball threw by Kai. That ended the half with Turn 1 Concede up by 1.

-Second Half-

T1C came onto the field looking for action as two players from both teams failed to recover from their head injury induced nap time. This was terrible for Seraphon Surf Squad as they were down to only 2 skinks and those skinks has tiny targets on their backs.

With a lightning efficiency T1C harassed the Surf Skinks right from the start, exploiting a hole in the lizard lines made by Backstabber Harvey. Kai looked like a gazelle before the lions got ahold of it. Scared and tender. But Ron Jon dodged around the forward Gunners, right into the awaiting arms of Run for it Ratman and Speedy Gonzolves.

With help from Speedy, Ratman popped the ball from Kai's hands right into Sneaky Hefner's awaiting claws. It was a perfectly executed trap. Sneaky Hefner did what his name says. He sneaked away from the pending doom that was Surf Squads Sauri to the Squads 6 pace line.

Wassa Balla also broke from the scrum at midfield and sprinted for the goal. Hef must have liked the kids moxxy and handed the ball to Wassa over the goal line, brining T1C's lead to 2-0 in the 12th turn.

With the Saraphon crowd growing more and more upset with their team losing to the rats, the fans started chucking loose rocks and shells at each other and even at the players. A stray shell came out of no where and hit Speedy in the head stunning him for the end of the 12th turn.

Emboldened by the near cult like support of their fans, the Surfers starting hitting and they hit the line hard. Stunning linerats left and right with big hits. They rallied again in the 13th turn as Ron Jon slipped right between the legs of linerat Breek Mai-Faec giving the ball to Journeyman Skink Jack Palespike. jack didn't waste any time as he sprinted in the endzone brining the score to 2-1 with T1C still leading.

T1C's victory was all but certain as they pulled a special play from the coaches play book. They gave up the traditional starting line and focused all of their efforts on 2 seperate sides. Hoping to force a break before the Lizard center could move to stop them on the flanks.

It worked and the right flank of the Seraphon Surf Squad crumbled under the pressure of the sustained rat attack allowing Sneaky Hefner and Run for it Ratman to skitter through the hole in the lizard line, threatening the quick score. Thrower Hand-E Off saw his moment and fired a bullet straight at Ratman for an easy catch. The fat lady was warming up in the stands and she was ready to sing.

Seraphon broke off several players from the line to crowd the 2 Gunners, split them off from each other, and break them in twain! But a Gutter Runner is a hard thing to catch and even harder to get a hand on.

Speedy Gonzolves wasn't going to let that happen and along with Backstabber Harvey broke the scaled blockade around Ratman, allowing him to run in the final TD of the game.

What a game that was Dudes and Dudettes! With T1C totally baking the Seraphon Surf Squad like a ginger without any SPF. Next week our favorite Rats meet up with a returning team, Children with Robots. I will see you there!

Remember to hang 10 and never bail in a sweet curl, bruh!
-Coach Nocternal