Hello dear foes and friends. It is time for the second installment of the fabulous and entertaining Dear Timppis. As the vast and widespread fansupport knows it is a column where people can send me questions that I will then answer. These questions often relate to the more hot issues in the community and thus my answers are often irreplaceable and of immense value in debates, as well as in the field. But enough of my awesomeness, let's move into the questions.


Q: Timppis HeLp mE!! I hate LRB4 I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate it. I hate it more than a halfling teenager hates himself after eating a box full of sweet sweet chocolate filled smooshies. How much longer do you think it will take until the LRB5 client is ready to play and what do you think I should do meanwhile?
-LRB4HaTeA

A: The issue here my dear hAtEa is not whether or not you hate the LRB4 or not. Because you see, when LRB5 is eventually installed as a main division here in FUMBBL there will be wailing and crying and the pulling of the hair in such scale that the citizens of Sodoma and Gomor would turn their heads in wonder to listen. And eventually, after the great wailing and crying and the pulling of the hair when the dust settles and people start playing... I dare say not a ten games will pass until someone innocently writes a thread in the forums or possibly makes a comment in the game report that goes something along these lines. "LRB5 is so lame, I like LRB6 a lot more, I hope it could be installed as soon as possible." And thus, the cycle is ready to begin anew. That is why my dear hAtEa I see no real reason to answer to you, except maybe to say "Get out of your hole and play ball you foul-fearing, teambuilding, elfballing nerf." (or in retrospective) "Get out of your hole and play ball you foul-festing, team-destroying, claw-loving mongrel"

Q: Dear Timppis, I have a problem. I love blackbox but it seems that all my opponents are bent on destroying my high-, dark- and woodelf teams that I bring on the field. It's as if they don't even care about winning. What should I do?
-Elf in a box

A: Ah, the new BlackBox Bash (Or Big Bowl of Bodies) issue. The answer is quite simple. Blodger DP's. They can't catch you, and they most certainly can't make you fall down. Besides, most of the bashers only have dp's on linemen or their counterparts. You on the other hand with sixteen ag4 dp's can make all kinds of fantastic schemes all around the field. This is all unless you actually want to win of course. If you want to do that, then just play the ball like elves do. And while you are at it, remember to tell them that you really don't care about losing your ag5 dauntless leaping strip-ball blodge tackler, you can always raise another lineman with the winning money.

Q: TIMPPIS HELP ME! I want to build a team for the Majors but I can't get any games. Does it have something to do with my teams 250+ TR and TS or the fact that I have seventeen mutations of which 11 are claws and 6 RSC's topped with 7 dp's?
-Nurglechamp229

A: I think you answered your own question there champ. Why exactly do you want to play in the majors anyway? Unless of course you want to kill Competitive eaters in which case I have few teams myself that I am quite happy to sacrifice for a worthy cause. Still, my advice is to shy away from the elfballers, and instead turn your gaze to those wannabe killers, playing khemri, undead and chaos. Find one of those in a gamefinder (preferably one with CR well below 150) and enjoy a brutal bloodbath where hopefully most of the blood (or bone marrow) spilt isn't yours. And I meant that thing about competitive eaters, seriously.

Q: Help me dear Timppis. I try and learn from the best, I play challenging games against the best coaches and their teams that there are. I play and I follow but every single time they beat me. I must be doing something wrong, can you tell me what it is?
-forever rookie

A: Yes, you are playing the very best coaches and their very best teams. The only way you are going to beat PeteW in elfballing match or Naama in a chaos bloodfest is not to play them. Of course the good coaches say that by playing against them you become a better coach, but unfortunately that isn't true. They only say it because that way they lure rookies like yourself into their snares. Then they kill you and defeat you and dance on the corpses of your fallen while singing mocking songs about your coaching. All this while their secret society is cheering on for their success in both chatrooms and in the spectator clients. And in time, when you've learned not to play them and instead focus your energy on crushing the poor low CR coaches such as yourself and slowly build up your teams as well as your own CR then you may one day find that mystic PM in your box inviting you to join them. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

Thats all for this time's "Dear Timppis" Next volume will be "Dear Timppis -fantasy fiction" special edition so remember to read that one as well. As for me, I bid you all goodnight.