I recently found the topic Two cents of a “Newcomer” by TheElectricWizard quite interesting. As commented by others; are other charooms/forums really that different? I have my doubts, and for me it’s part of what forum/chat society is about.

Just recently I stumbled (slow I know) upon the wonders of online console gaming. It’s a new world with complex jargon and plenty of superior points of view. However that is how it is, that’s life, that’s the internet.

So how does a little mouse like me, fit in to the big, bad world of xbox live? By using the same policy I used on fumbbl, chaosdwarf.com, Japanese Animated Porn Fan.com, and some other sites I’m a bit embarrassed to name. I’ve found and put into practice ‘the 10 commandments of the internet’ to successfully ..........just get by. And they can be yours for just $4.99 or ……………by reading 1 more paragraph.

1. If my join date is earlier than yours, I am superior.

2. ‘The Group’ is my family, unless there is a sub group to the group. In which case they are my family and the group aren’t.

3. If I make a mistake in the forums, complicate matters by misquoting, original post editing and trolling so that it is no longer clear a ‘faux pas’ has been committed.

4. If somebody outside ‘The Group’ attacks/flames/trolls a member of an opposing sub group. The group as a whole is my family.

5. Internet women are as beautiful as their animated avatars suggest.

6. If somebody outside ‘The Site’ attacks/flames/trolls a member of an opposing group, who attacked/flamed/trolled a member of my group but an opposing sub group BUT from ‘our’ group, but however doesn’t like a member from my sub group. He then ‘temporarily’ becomes family.

7. Always maintain you are a fringe hobbiest, with outside activities that make you ‘ladish’ flirting in fact with borderline legality.

8. If a member from your sub group isn’t a member of your sub sub group, they are no longer family.

9. Learn to use and confuse noobs with ‘hobby terminology’.

10. If the member of another website who attacked/flamed/trolled a member of another group on your site, who attacked a member of your group BUT not your sub group or your sub sub group is attacked/flamed/trolled by somebody OUTSIDE the hobby; they naturally become part of your family……….for a bit.

And so you start to move as one, with the shoal.

However (please note) the 10 commandments (of the internet) pale compared to THE RULE! The one rule………….The one rule to rule them all.

Throw enough poo at a wall, some of it’s got to stick.

The basic premise of poo throwing is it’s not quality but quantity. Effort more than expertise. A moments brilliance outweighs a life of fail. Let me show you what I mean.

[01:05] <Noob1> Chaos Warrior rolled a normal, what skill do I give him? (not so much as a please You’ll note)
01:05] <harvestmouse> Frenzy!
01:05] <16 Times World Champion> Don’t be silly HM, he can’t get that on a normal. Give him BLOCK Noob1.

harvestmouse sulks a bit but soaks it in

[01:08] <Noob2> Halfling rolled doubles, what would be good?
[01:08] <harvestmouse> BLOCK!
[01:08] <16 TWC> Hmmmmm blocks ok, but DP would be better.
(harvestmouse starts to type ‘Yes Damage Pants are pretty coo…)
[01:08] <Noob2> What’s DP?
[01:08] <16 TWC> DIRTY PLAYER

harvestmouse soaks

[01:14] <Noob 3> Norse Lineman rolls normals?
[01:14] <harvestmouse> Damage Pan….Errrr DIRTY PLAYER!
[01:14] <16 TWC> Yeah have to agree with HM here.

SUCCESS!

[01:15] <Noob 4> How about a wardancer that rolled double 6s
[01:15] <harvestmouse> Dirty Player!
At last The community lulz, FTWs and \0/

And as my pile of poo…..piled, so I become slowly tolerated. Tolerated to such a degree in fact they made me an admin! Between you and me I still haven’t got much idea about Blood Bowl or any idea about the rules. However poo throwing gets around such trifling little imperfections.

Keep this last bit between you and me mind, as I’m presently waging a campaign of righteous criticism, uncalled for personal attacks, back stabbing at the slightest opportunity and general defamation of my fellow admins in a bid to become the next Silverback.

VOTE HARVESTMOUSE – SILVERBACK 2011