Hi sportsfans - this is the hero of your dreams, the magic in your mojo - last known defender of objectivity - Gunnar Longtounge. And boy does Gunner have something to tell you. Yes its true all the rumours you have heard - Gunnar have traveled to a far far away region of the Old World - to a place were a little heard of tournament called Das Waterbowl is held. And near the remote city of Fumbbl in the kingdom of Java Gunnar have located coach Netsmurf - though here he goes by the name of Brio.

It has been 12 years of waiting for Coach Brio before he finally found a team willing to sink so low as to play for scraps. The wild promise that the moon is made of cheese and that the shortest way to it, is through Das Waterbowl (for is the moon not visible in a bowl of water - ehh!) And truly the magic of a fine throphy should do the trick - its a well known fact - at least in some parts of the sewers.

Gunnar will let you know all about the exploits here in far away Fumbbl. One thing is for sure - rats will triumf or die under the yoke of Coach Brio´s training metods.

Gunnar Longtounge - Far far away section of the Blahvile Gazette

The first match:

Hi sportsfan and welcome to this very special game. It is the first game for Coach Brio in the chase for the moon, through Das Waterbowl. Here it is the worlds best reporter, the only true objective reporter and not the least - hero in your dream Gunnar Longtounge. Gunnar is here, the crowd is here and a massive overweight of rats, Gunnar estimates that 4/5 is chasing cheese today.

The necromantic team won the toss and have choosen to receive the ball. Ohh what is this, the guys on LOS is arguing vividly - this is turning into a riot. The ref is hard pressed to keep things under control and time is ticking away on the clock.

The vile Necro players drive the ball up the middle of the pitch and it is clear to Gunnar that they harbor lots of ill will. Just look at those illegal chop blocks and by Gunnar that there is lead pipes being used. Is it good old Ref Moleeye on the pitch? Cheddar gets KO´ed and poor Danish Fynbo is BH almost before the game is on. How will the skaven stand up to this onslought? Not to mention a biased referee?

The vile and cheating necros drive to the left but heroics from the rats seems to stop them dead just around LOS. And look at this, they manage to blitz the ghoul with the ball, but he manage to dodge the attack. The rats had to sacrifice Gorgonzola in the process, but with this many rightminded fans, he ends up in skaven hands and is carried to the reserves unharmed.

Arch arch arch cheating necro ways are still afloat and the lead pipe is out again - this time KO´ing Havarti. How much have the vile necro coach payed the ref for this travesty to continue unhindred? What is this? The ref is actually blowing the whistle as poor Tallegio is getting fouled. Tallegio gets KO´ed while the ref sent off Takei. Perhaps the ref saw how the skaven fans were starting to get out pitchforks and torches?

Uhh my the ref is spotting another crime from the low down dirty necros. Sadly it is to late for Stilton as he is having a fractured arm by now. That will surely see him miss a game. The necros manage to push forward in the left side, but look at this Brillat Savarin manage to get a blitz on the ball and this time there is no mercy - by Gunnar he is using the good old Gunnar POW to the kidney. Famed in many a back alley scrum in the harbour area of Altdorf. Gunnar is just such a legend that even here in far far away Java they know about Gunnar. Not that Gunnar is surprised by that of course - it was just a matter of time for it to show on the pitch.

The ball bounces like crazy before setling on the ground. Will you just look at this cunning play. Emmentaler takes the ball and pass it acros the pitch to see it far away from any necro players - though player is a bit high praise for this brutal cheating lot. The cunning defence works wonders for the Danablue Chasers and it is halftime. Here is a bit of news from a sponsor - yes even out here in backwater country they have sponsors.

Big Bubba Bash presents the fast fat burning cure. BBB known as most violent ogre on and off the pitch for 4 consecutive seasons in the Murdercup will chase you for 30 minuttes a day untill all those extra pounds are gone. You better run fast or the garantied weightloss might come from your blood or torn limbs. Big Bubba Bash - lose weight with a champ!

Wellcome back to second half - now it is the time of heroes as Danablue Chasers set up to receive the ball. This is going to be difficult as there is only 8 skaven heroes against 9 vile lawbreaking brutal necros. The ball is kicked very short, and will you listen to those fans cheering - skaven surport is massive.

NOOOO the ball slips out of the hands of Fourme D´Ambert - the necros have used soap on the ball??? Necros using soap - now Gunnar have seen it all. The necros swarm the ball, whipes it clean and picks it up - what is the ref doing on this pitch, for he is surely not judging the game. Ahh but look at this the skavens get the ball back with ease.

And then the necroes get the ball on the ground, but they have to sacrifice their ghoul. Though he lands in the small part of the crowd were necro fans reside. Gorgonzola goes for the big play but is tripped by a werewolf - uhh my that is a critical injury, surely that is the end of a very short carreer. And to top it all the ball lands right next to a werewolf. And the wolf steals the ball and runs for the endzone, this is not looking good for the heroes. And the werewolf runs in the ball. Old Ref Mole Eye is awarding a TD to the necros.

The hero rats runs the ball up the right side, they have to press on to try and equalise, there is only a quarter left. And just look at the ease with wich Fourme D´Ambert runs the ball in - GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Outnumbered hero rats have done it and the game is 1-1 now.

The ball is kicked deep but there is only 7 rats left on the pitch and there goes another rat out BH - another casualty of the old leadpipe and a ref who gives bugger all. The necros push for the win and run up the left side again. But a blitz from Tallegio sees the ball jump right into the hands of Gorgonzola. This is to much for the necro players and they take the lead pipes to Mozarella, who suffers a serious concussion. Old Ref Mole Eye sees this as the perfect opportunity to end the game before being swarmed by skaven fans.

Well this was a game of good old clean family entertainment and despite the overwelming help from a biased ref - the heroes managed to get a 1-1 draw.

This was Gunnar Longtounge from the Far far away section of the Blahvile Gazette