The Blahvile Gazette
4th volume, day of the whale - the far far away section
HI there sportsfan, this here is your favorite reporter (no further introduction should be needed, but just in case you have woken from a 20 year long coma) Gunnar Longtounge back in action. On the pitch we have a tough challenge for the hero skaven team - DanaBlue Chasers. They are up against a phuman team, but not just any phuman team. Here we have an undefeated team and in those 3 games they have not even alloved the opposition to score a single TD! Almost as impressive as Gunnars collection of snowglobes.

Anyhow, the weather is nice and the crowd have stopped fighting - there are a little overweight of dadadadadada RATFANS. Hehe oh yes Gunnar has been seeing good old Ratman series. So the Chasers win the draw and choose to receive the ball. Hmm to Gunnar the phuman defence looks perfect. The Chasers take the ball to the left and the phumans flod in to stop them. Ohh the Chasers runs very close to the sideline and the phumans use underhand tactics. Pushing players of the pitch! Where is the fun in that? Gunnar would never do such a thing - Gunnar would miss an opportunity to hurt them - not cool.

The phumans manage to get a blitz on the carrier. The ball is on the ground. Lucky the ogre fiddles around with his left palm - trying to look at both sides on the same time - what a bonehead. And that is vital as it gives the Chasers time to retake the ball. By Gunnar what a nice move. The Chasers hand off the ball and Fourme D´Ambert dodges past the phuman defence - he is a away. Can anybody catch him? He goes for it all he can and will you look at that. Brillat Savarin badly hurts Hazard of the phuman team, this kids is how you take out an opponent, good elbow to jaw move. The phumans resort to mindless violence in response and the ref does bugger all. Rouquefort falls victim to phumans with leadpipes, what a shame that this is the state of the game nowadays.

Fourme D´Ambert strols into the endzone. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! Amazing the Chasers have done the impossible and scored a TD against this phuman team. The Chasers set up to kick the ball and its 11 heroes against 9 phumans. The phumans makes a quick snap but the Chasers manage to stop them around LOS this is good stuff. NONONONONO yet again there is to much leadpibe and to little referee as poor Philadelphia is badly hurt. Ohh in the chase after blood the phumans forget to cover the ball, its loose. The ball jumps around and noone seems able to catch it - there it ends on the ground behind the phuman line. It is up for grabs and Fourme D´Ambert takes it and he is away towards the endzone. He manage to dodge and runs to the far side of the pitch, he is running along the line stealing precious seconds - splendid mind on that one. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL The Chasers are up 2-0. Gunnar be, this is not what the bookies had seen. Gunnar stands to make a fortune.

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Gunnar is back and so are you. Lets see what is in store for second half. The phumans drive to the right but Chasers stop them dead in their tracks. What a scrum, the phumans makes a daring handoff and Miser runs away with it. He is almost free and the evil phumans make sure by tripping the Chasers as they try to dodge to intervene. And sure enough, low down dirty underhand tactics and what must be a bribed ref works for the phuman and its a score. 2-1 for the prober players and they receive the ball.

The phumans blitz oh Gunnar this is a push to try and get back on 2 all. A failed dodge however gives the Chasers a chance to get the ball before phumans comes near it. Stilton breaks away and runs in to set up the long pass option. Stilton gets taken down and is stunned. The phumans put on alot of heat and press the Chasers further back. Lucky manage to get near the thrower, ahh he senses the 300 kilos coming and quikly hands over the ball to Gorgonzola. Will you just look at that gutter running - almost as fast as Gunnar drinking at free bars. The poor skaven thrower gets mauled by Lucky, but Gorgonzola is free.

And there he runs he is gong to score he makes it - now now now YEEEES Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal The Chasers have done it, fended of the undefeated phumans, a bribed ref and leadpibes to win it 3-1 - it is a miracle! You will be able to boast about it on the pub, in kindergarden - whereever you want. You were here and you saw the game of games so far in the season. And you had the good fortune to hear true objectivitys last defender.

This was Gunnar Longtounge - for The Blahvile Gazette - the far far away section