The Blahvile Gazette, 6th day of the Humpback Whale
High there sport fans! This here is Gunnar Longtounge and Gunnar is back with the sexiest of them all – introducing Ludmilla Longlegs. Yes that beauty have found her way even to this remote area of the Good Old World. Today Ludmilla Longlegs will be our sideline reporter and lucky for her the weather is perfect.
DanaBlue Chasers are up against evil chaos players able to suck really really well (perhaps this is best suited for Ludmilla to investigate), at least they call themselves Super Suckers – Gunnar reckons that that is a chaos thing.
“What is that Ludmilla?”
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”they don’t know how to suck?”
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”why do they call themselves Super Suckers then?”
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“You dare correct Gunnar?”
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“Hang on Sport fan – Gunnar have to sort out something on the sideline! Will you stand still you deranged long legged devil you! THUD...thudthud...smash – jump, piling on and take that!”
...
Ah Gunnar have returned to continue defending objectivity – sadly it turned out that Ludmilla Longlegs were a biased fan of the chaos pact team. Rumours are however that she will soon join a necro team as cheerleader – at least Gunnars purse says so – ha ha, well back to the game.

There are a bit more chaos carnage on the stands. Once again have a star players found his way leading all the way out here. This time its Ulgroth Bolgrot joining the chaos team. Gunnar wonders if there is a tools of the wood industry convention in town with all those chainsaw wielding stars ready to play games?

Ulgroth revs up the chainsaw and chaos “wins” the coin toss. Seems to Gunnar that there is a pattern here. Suckers want to receive the ball – most likely to cause mayhem, mutilation and murder amongst the Chasers. Suckers are well known for...ehh best to leave that out until the late edition.

The kick is short to the left and the game is in a full scale riot. The Chasers have a hefty argument with the Suckers – did the Suckers try to recruit one of the skaven linemen? Not cool and very understandable that a riot occurred. Meanwhile on LOS Gunnar sees the sportscow Diego throwing himself over poor Havarti and even though they both go down its only the sportscow Diego remaining on the pitch as Havarti is out BH.

The confusion does leave the ball exposed for the Chasers to steal it. And in comes the entire skaven team and they manage to get to the ball. Gunnar fears that they are to close to the rampaging chaos crowd. Oh yes in comes the traitor dark elfs – two heads they have, but sharing the same pair of legs makes it legal for them to play. The traitor dark elfs makes a daring dodge and pushes Stilton into the stands, with ball and all. The ball is thrown in again and it lands near the Suckers endzone.

The Suckers cant reach the ball in time. Partly helped by a casualty cause by a gutter runner??? Its Rouquefort sending a marauder out BH. Great play by him and this opens a hole for Gorgonzola and he runs towards the ball!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL – THE Chasers have done it, a steal and a lead and the game have barely started – brilliant play from the Chasers.

What is this – Ulgroth leaves the pitch? No fuel left for the Pilgrim... Pilgrim is the nick for Ulgroths chainsaw. Gunnar can not help but wonder if chaos only have stars to show off their monies? They never seem to do much in the games – well apart from “winning” the coin toss.

We are ready again and the crowd takes part in the game – look at that rock. Precision strike that is, sadly thrown by a weakling and only stunning the traitor dark elfs. The kick is deep to the left and this time the Suckers do try to cover the ball. Unusual chaos play there. But once again does the sportscow Diego throw himself into the ground, though he misses the skaven and only makes a stun.

The Chasers do what they do best and chase the ball from all sides. Leaving the linerats on LOS to take care of them self and perhaps even recuperate in the KO box. The sportscow roars in mighty rage, thus disturbing a marauder trying to pick up the ball. The Chasers zoom into the ball but a failed dodge could give the Suckers a chance. The Suckers pass the ball!!! What has gone into chaos in these parts? The Suckers have managed to move the ball from left to right.

The Chasers fall back to cover their half of the pitch. And a daring blitz from a gutter sees the ball on the ground alongside the two players. This is intense battle for the ball and very unusual when chaos is involved. The Suckers pick the ball up and sends a would be receiver down pitch. The Chasers sees this and soon after he is a target of a well timed blitz. Having no time left the Suckers resort to more normal chaos tactics and try to smash the Chasers, but it is in vain. The Chasers get the ball on the ground and Fourme D´Ambert runs into the endzone ready to receive a pass. Rouquefort dodges away and snatches the ball right in front of the enemy, more dodging and then fires away a long pass. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL! – WHAT A TRIUMF With only seconds left to the clock the Chasers manage to score and go 2 up before the break – a break with a bit of news from the sponsors.

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Welcome back sportsfan, its Gunnar time again. The Suckers will have to kick the ball. The ball is kicked deep and the Chasers run back to cover it – a most wise decision as linerat Crúyere fails to pass 2 yrds to a gutterrunner. Meanwhile on LOS it seems to Gunnar that the Suckers implode as the sportscow roars in rage and both the troll and ogre have spotted a very interesting butterfly. The Chasers take advantage of the gap this leaves them, but by Gunnar, once again they run to close to the sideline.

Soon after the ball is thrown into the middle of the pitch near LOS. The goblin takes the ball, its all a big mess around LOS. The teams are blocking each other in a big scrum. The Chasers manage to push the huge troll out of the way and get to the goblin. Ball is on the ground and in comes Rouquefort to steal the ball away from two Suckers. And there he runs towards the endzone. Can he make it?

NOOO a failed dodge leaves Rouquefort out in the open and he is soon assaulted. The Chasers mark the marauder with the ball, but this is not looking good as Chasers succumb to the violent chaos ways. The Suckers moves the ball up to the LOS, but then falls prey to a cunning trap set by the Chasers. Fourme D´Ambert scoops up the ball right in front of a Sucker and then its hasta la vista baby – onwards to the endzone. Fourme D´Ambert smacks down the would be blitzer and then continue to run.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL – MARVELOUS SCORE What a corker this score was! The last few minutes is passed causing mindless mutilations and mayhem. The Chasers have done it again and with a 3-0 win they have secured promotion with a round to spare. That gateway to eternal cheese is lurking in the horizon, but today not so far away as in the beginning of the season.

And that’s all folks.
This was Gunnar Longtounge – Gunnar objectivity’s last defender and briefly Ludmilla Longlegs for the far far away section of the Blahvile Gazette.