The Blahvile Gazette, 5th day of the Wombat
High there sport fans! This here is Gunnar Longtounge and Gunnar oh Gunnar is Gunnar back with a match to dream about.
DanaBlue Chasers are up against evil chaos players from Misrule – Gunnar reckons that that is even further away then this here remote Fumbbl in the far away region of Java. The weather is looking nice and there is a bit more rats on the stands, and lo and behold is that a local version of Cut my own throat Dibbler, with rats on a stick? IT IS Well kids this is great, just remember to only ever have one a day – they can be harsh to the frail constitution – them being rats and all.
By Gunnar this is going to be great. And will you just look at that. Even star players will travel for money. That there is Max Spleenripper joining the chaos team for this game – Max he can slice and dice with the best of them. Hang on, hang on is that there some of them kicking boots? Sure does look like iron clad heels. Hmm Gunnar starts to think that some of the rumours about chaos players being vicious evil bastards are true.
Max revs up the chainsaw and chaos “wins” the coin toss. They want to receive the ball – most likely to cause mayhem, mutilation and murder amongst the Chasers. Chaos is well known for not noticing the ball at all. The kick is short to left and the game is on! What is this? Max is hanging out in the dugouts chatting up some from the audience, hard to see exactly what it is with all those mutations. Why is Max not making carnage on the pitch?
Chaos makes a quite organised cage on the left side but in comes agile Stormvermin Brillat Saverin and he makes a smashing KO on the very first blitz from the Chasers. The cage is looking more like you would expect from chaos teams. Oh a rookie goat makes a huge mistake while blocking and that leaves the ball goat hanging free. The ball is loose. Chasers swarm the ball and a goat tries to dodge in to take the ball! Chaos going for the ball after all, the effort is in vain though as the goat fails miserably and KO´s itself.
The Chasers steal the ball and very fast gutter Rouquefort runs towards the end zone – by Gunnar he is fast. In order to fend off the goats trying to catch up, Brillat Saverin blitzes one of them directly in to the bliss and calm of the injury box – that goat is out badly hurt. Rouquefort is free – he runs – he scores!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL – THE Chasers have done it, a steal and a lead and its only half way through first half – brilliant play from the Chasers.
Uh this does not look so good from the chaos side, none return from the KO box and Max have to enter the pitch. There are 11 heroes against 9 chaos dudes – Gunnar bet they wish they were just 8 to make that unholy chaos cross to perfection. The ball is kicked deep but a riot breaks out. Was that someone saying to Max that his beloved chainsaw merely was the size of a rusty toothpick? The ref lets the clock run and the game is eventually on again.
Wow, the chaos team passes the ball to a warrior!!! This is a rare sight, but just goes to emphasise that with chaos does indeed come chaos. The warrior tries to find cover just behind LOS but the Chasers swarm him and steal the ball. Look out – here comes Max OUCH That gotta hurt, Max makes a mess of things and starts to saw himself – he is stunned for his trouble. The Chasers break away with the ball and the chaos resorts to mindless violence badly hurting poor Havarti in their rage. The ref does not dare to say anything about them illegal knuckledusters use by the vile chaos team. Brillat Saverin runs into the end zone and he has the ball with him! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL! – WHAT A TRIUMF With only seconds left to the clock the Chasers manage to score and go 2 up before the break – a break with a bit of news from the sponsors.
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Welcome back sportsfan, its Gunnar time again. The chaos team will have to kick the ball and they are without Max, the ref has actually sent him home. That was a short days work and not much use the chaos boys got from him. So it’s down to 11 heroes against 9 evil chaos thingies. And will you just listen to all the cheering fans, both sides are having a blast.
The ball is kicked deep and the Chasers run back to cover it – a most wise decision as Emmenthaler is having trouble picking the ball up. For once the Mino stops roaring in wild rage and actually blocks someone and poor Stilton is out badly hurt. That was even a legit block – by Gunnar this is a like having a snowball surviving in hell. Emmenthaler manages to get the ball and do a pass and the Chasers have caught the chaos team on the wrong side of the pitch. Gorgonzola is blazing towards the endzone. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL – MARVELOUS SCORE The chaos team is falling apart and are only focused on violence and odd plays.
The ball is kicked deep and it is 11 heroes v 9 chaos thingies. Ouch out goes Gruyére badly hurt and violence is all the rage at the moment. Or is it? There is another pass attempt by the chaos boys and it is a horrible fumble. Here come the Chasers. They get a hold on the ball but can’t get away and chaos gets it on the ground. No no no will you look at that, just as they get the ball on the ground they fail to dodge and a goat KO´s himself and Chasers have momentum again. Fourme D´Ambert takes matters into his own hands and with a mighty push for the endzone does it again for the Chasers. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL – GUNNAR IS STARTING TO LOSE GUNNARS VOICE This is outrageous, what a day, what a play! 4-0 to the Chasers and there is still time on the clock.
The Chasers are down to 10 against 9 vile chaos thingies. The Chasers set up in the left side but then kicks the ball to the right side??? And here they go again, playing elf ball is what this chaos team like. Huge mistake by the ballgoat as he runs into LOS and tries to hide itself next to a Chaser linerat. Pow down goes the goat and the ball is loose again. The Chasers set up a pass option to the endzone and the ball is in the air! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!! ROUQUEFORT MAKES A SPLENDID CATCH It is 5-0 to the Chasers – they will most certainly have a party down the sewers tonight.
And that’s all folks.
This was Gunnar Longtounge – Gunnar objectivity’s last defender for the far far away section of the Blahvile Gazette.