Awrite yuse buncha wussies, listen up. Dis heer's yer old pally Coach Dong Skerry, wid anuver edishun uv coach's corner. Tuday, we's gunna look at da lurnin' curve. And fer all you's dummies out dere, dat don't mean the thing yer coach makes ya run round. Dat's da joggin track. Took me a bit ta figger dat one out.

Da lurnin' curve is like when yer mum use ta drop ya on yer noggin ten times a day so's you'd learn ta have a hard head. Never could figger how dat worked fer dwarfs, being so close to da ground. Anyways, as a coach, you gots ta think a lot about who it is yer playin, n keep in yer brains a ideer about how yer gonna git em. Da hard part is stickin to da plan.

Once you got a plan, like say, hittin as many uv dem little treehumpin pansies a turn as ya can, it's ded important dat u sticks to it. Ya can't go trying ta score a few TD's instead, n just have to take them as dey come. Da wurst thing you's can do is get suckered into playin a football game by a bunch a dancing fairies. Yer dere ta make em pay in blood fer every inch dey moves, n don't fergit it.

Likewise, if yer was gonna amaze dem Freek Chaos dummies wit a areeal assault of ball totin gobbos, ya got's ta keep at it. I meen, hoo gives a hairy snotling's nut if three of the little pukes allreddy went splat, just keep heavin em and you's gunna do awrite. Not like dere hard ta get r nuffin.

Tomorra, we's gonna interview grim greenfinger, da only troll wut ever figured out dere was a ball on da pitch, n axe im about good skill choices fer the big hitters on yer squad.

Till, den, I'm yer pal Coach Dong Skerry, Keep yer stick on the ice.