The second part of our interview with Head Coach of the Unicorns, Intrepid Wilson, takes in his playing career, his relationship with the owners of the club, and his hopes for the coming season.

The Daily Relation met with the rookie coach in a smoky, wood-panelled back room of The Red Moon Inn, in the heart of the Teubrücke district. The booth we occupy is cosy and secluded, away from the busy ranks of plotting adventurers and tipsy patrons one can expect in such an establishment. The landlord has kindly donated two flagons of Eisbog for our enjoyment.


Coach Wilson at a recent training session.

DAILY RELATION (DR): For the benefit of those readers who missed our first instalment, you were very clear about your preference for a more aggressive style of play. Could you expand on that?

COACH WILSON (CW): Yeah, why not. I've sat up on those bleachers and watched turgid games of football that had me begging for the sweet caress of death but, I'll tell you what, I've seen my share of scoreless games that kept me on the edge of my seat. Match ups where the real battle wasn't on the scoreboard but two guys going toe-to-toe, never giving an inch, and coming off the pitch sweaty, bruised, covered in the other guys blood but happy to give them a handshake and enjoy an ice-cold Eisbog after the final whistle. That's what I love about this sport. (Wilson is generously served two more flagons of Eisbog by the landlord of the inn. Which he drinks rapidly.)

DR: Your own playing career was one that suggested you were one of those players who never gave up. Is that a fair assessment?

CW: Look, I never went pro, never made it to the Majors like some of the guys from round here but I knocked on the door, you know? With the right coach, I might have swung some fists at the Middenheim Arena or the Altdorf Oldbowl. It wasn't to be and I was happy enough to rough it in the minors.

DR: But does that experience really help you now you're coaching a major franchise in a professional league?

CW: Of course! Tactics are tactics. I really don't see how the game is too different from when I was the Head Coach of the Übersreik Diplomats. And that roster was a hot mess! Dwarves, humans, ogres, halflings, all together? Makes me sick, thinking about that side... But we got results! (At this point, Wilson takes advantage of some of the free Eisbog) We beat a few teams, took a few beatings too, some rough ones... I'll never forget Li'l Bobbins... Funny guy, Had six fingers on one hand... Great cook, terrible catcher...

DR: And did you play in a similar manner to that you want the Unicorns to emulate? The results have not gone your way but your own playing experience must be helpful to some of your p...

CW: Oh, man! I had some fun though; I remember one time we played a Clan Skyre side - or was it Clan Mulder - ah, who cares... And I ended up with six tails to take home! Makes a heck of a soup! I was put on the line against the Pusland Maggots, that was an experience. We were dosed up before the game with so much booze we could barely see and coated in so many poultices and herbal ointments that we nearly slid right out of our armour. But that didn't stop me - I heard the whistle, saw red, or green, or yellow, and swung my fist so hard I punched right through the rib cage of one of those rotters and through his buddy behind him. (A further flagon of Eisbog is donated by the landlord. Eisbog - quenches your thirst and your sobriety!)Took me three weeks to get the smell out of my uniform!

DR: I see... Do you not think though that your experience on the field may not translate to the dugout?

CW: And what the blazes does that mean? You think I'm past it, huh? That I can't cut it on the pitch? Look at you and your friggin'... arms... those arms are as thick as that quill! You wouldn't last two minutes out there, son!

DR: Let's move on. You've made some impressive signings this season. Can you tell our readers more about those?

CW: Damn straight! That old fool Demon got royally stiffed! He got Ade and Arthur, who are in the twig.. the twill.. the end of their careers and who do we get? Huh? Bobby Enthurger and the picks that got us Dieter Blätter and Jackson Barton. I call that shome sharp deeler whealing, ha!

DR: Do you not think you'll miss some of those players you have let go?

CW: (Wilson slams a flagon on the table between us.) No! No, way. Those boys were great but they didn't have what I need for thish team to make progreszsh!

DR: You mean they weren't violent enough. Blätter has widely known issues with his temper and Enthurger has put 5 players in the infirmary at his last club...

CW: Good! Good, I say. But, but, but what about the other, um, the other players I've brought in? What do you say to that?

DR: Let me see. Dane Morrow - signed from the Carcassone Eagles. There are suspicions that they are running an illegal steroids programme under Coach Ravens-Fan.

CW: Lies! All lies!

DR: J.J. Arcega-Whiteside from the Scimitars is also a physical player, breaking Chandler Cox's neck in a game against the Foxes...

CW: Yeah, well, so what? Huh? He can jog it off. I did in my day. Played three games in a week with a shattered knee cap!

DR: What will you tell the fans about the trade of Barry Gryson? Wasn't he crucial in many match-ups last season?

CW: (Eyeing the empty glasses.) Huh. You forgot, didn't you? Slap bang in the middle offf the season, his friggin' agent starts trying to play 'ard ball with a new contract. Well, I don't take kindly to blackmail so I'm glad that damned mershenary has gone to Middenheim... The fat oaf...

DR: Gryson seemed pretty athletic for an ogre...

CW: Not him! That buffoon - Coach Asteflix! Thinks he's so high and mighty with all his.. his... trophies and... and his experience... whatever... Let's see what happens on the pitch...


Owner of the Unicorns, Baron Heinrich von Bruner - suit by Luigi & Salvatore

DR: Lastly, can you give our readers any insight into your relationship with the club's owners, the von Bruner family and Heinrich von Bruner in particular?

CW: Is he here? (At this point, Coach Wilson becomes suddenly alert, somewhat anxious, sees off the dregs of a last glass of Eisbog, wets his fingers, and slicks down his eyebrows.) Heinrich is a great, great guy. I-I-I've got the utmost respect for what that man and his family have done for the citizens of Übersreik. We are eternally grateful for their benevolensh. I promise, I swear, I never saw that pig. It jumped right out at me!

With Coach Wilson in a growing state of panic, the interview is cut short. Your eager reporter hopes to arrange a face-to-face meeting with Baron Heinrich von Bruner to grill him on the sudden revelations relating to his family's ownership of the Unicorns and the deeds of The Tin Spur and allegations of criminal activity relating to transporting goblins across state boundaries and establishing a rival league to the DLE; rumours the von Bruner's have yet to respond to, yet their continued silence can only fan the flames of speculation.