The Blahvile Gazette, 7th day of the Carpenterfish...ehh Sawfish

High there sport fans! This here is Gunnar Longtounge and Gunnar oh Gunnar is Gunnar back with a huge game – the game to end the season and the game were the Chasers can get the first bit of magic they need to get the moon. Yes that is true, scientist have started to acknowledge the idea that you can eat the moon from a very magical bowl. At least weird eyed humpback Igors have started to show interest in the matter and where they go there is soon to be an influx of manic white coat clad wild hair scientists with a special love for thunderstorms – that’s a fact as sure as Gunnar is objectivity’s last defender.

DanaBlue Chasers are once again up against a vile high elf team, last time proved that cheese loving is so much better than being arrogant and it shall be exciting to see if it holds true to this day. It is a question many have pondered upon and thus for the first time in the season, there are an equal show of fans from both fractions. It is cheese loving versus elfish high arrogance. Gunnar must appraise the fans for showing up in this pouring rain in such numbers. More than 20.000 official actually paying fans are attending.

This time there is no chainsaw wielding maniac on the pitch and the Chasers win a fair and square coin toss – the Chasers will receive the ball. Normally coach Brio instructs his teams to kick the ball – they must be very eager to teach the arrogant a lesson. BY GUNNAR that is superb timing just as the ball is kicked does the rain stop and the weather is perfect. That change in weather is brilliantly seen from the Chasers – that was why they wanted to receive the ball.

The arrogant elfs kick the ball out of bounce and rookie gutter Stilton takes a ball. The Chasers run the ball up the right side and form a cage around LOS. The arrogant elfs swarm in and try to apply pressure on Stilton with a double mark. Tallegio starts to smack the arrogant elfs around OHHH will you just look at that punch! The very strong arrogant elf Celebored has some ribs broken – that is a mighty punch from hero Tallegio. By Gunnar! The apothecary comes in to see if he can do anything? Yes he can, he knows a cure for the broken ribs, it will only slightly permanently harm Celeboreds back. The apothecary is left to ponder what is the best treatment.

The Chasers manage to make a gab for Stilton and he jumps the line and is soon far away on the other side of the pitch, the arrogant elfs runs desperate after Stilton, but he manage – for the first time ever – to dodge away and score. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL – THE Chasers have done it, a fast touchdown and a lead and the game have barely started – brilliant play from the Chasers.

What is this – the arrogant elfs complain that the Chasers started before they were ready, a so called jump start. This is ridiculous and a hefty argument starts – this is a riot if Gunnar ever saw one. Hang on – the ref is pocketing something he got from the arrogant elfs. NOOOO this is an outrage, the time is suddenly rewound and the arrogant elfs will have more time to get back in the game. If only Gunnar knew where that ref lives...grrr

The Chasers finally kick the ball and it is kicked very deep. The arrogant elfs push forward, leaving their thrower hanging way backfield. So outraged is Tallegio that he badly hurts an arrogant elf – Tallegio shows the rage of a ratogre – well done. And what is this, Rouguefort blitzes the much stronger thrower on his own! The thrower is down – the ball is loose – and the arrogant thrower looks stunned

The arrogant elfs have overcommitted and resort to using violence, with little effect. Rouquefort takes the ball and looks set on completing his heroic effort. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL – MAGNIFICENT HERO GOAL Gasp, this is incredible – the Chasers are up 2-0 and thanks to the refs “extra time” the first half is not even half played.

The kick is once again deep and the arrogant thrower takes the same nonchalant stance as last time. The Chasers do what they do best and chase the ball from all sides. Leaving the linerats on LOS to take care of them self. This time the Chasers only manage to push the arrogant nonchalant thrower towards the sideline. They swarm in from left and right, but this looks to Gunnar like the Chasers are too eager when chasing the ball. The Chasers are over committing and after a somewhat deft play from the arrogant elfs they have passed the ball and gone away. Poor blocking skills makes it easy for the arrogant elfs to get one back.

Stilton gets the ball and the Chasers run down the right side, Stilton survives the blitz and only needs to dodge away for the score. NOOOOOOOOOOOO once again Stilton falls for the old arrogant elf left food hook and the chance to be a hero is over as the ref blows the whistle. Gunnar will return with more action right after this from our sponsors.

Big Bubba Bash maintenance service for the filthy rich landlord is here. BBB will guarantee that you will only receive a complaint from a poor tenant once. Should some have the tenacity to bother the filthy rich landlord twice then BBB guarantee that the filthy rich landlord will soon have a vacant apartment. If the filthy rich landlord own a bog, a deep lake, a swamp or have a rocked coastline then BBB will give you a 10 percent discount voucher to use when a family needs to be “relocated”. Big Bubba Bash – understands and sees it the filthy rich landlords way

Welcome back sportsfan, Gunnar is back and it is time to see if the Chasers can stand against the tide of the arrogant elfs. The Chasers have to kick the ball. The ball is kicked very short and the Chasers make a blitz, the ball seems to be hovering in the air, so fast are the Chasers. They manage to catch the ball! This is incredible stuff. Emmenthaler have the ball in his hands and he survives 1 no 2 blocks – alas on the third he hits the ground and the ball bounces.

The arrogant elfs steals the ball and soon resort to mindless violence. By Gunnar this is not fair – poor linerat Riberhus is out with a career ending injury – that looks like a serious concussion. The ref ignores all references to the still blood dripping totenschläger in the arrogant elfs hand. Is this going to be an equalizer Gunnar wonders? Here comes a surprise blitz from the arrogant elf ball carrier. Wise from first half over commitment error the Chasers have a safety gutterrunner and Gorgonzola manage to get them both down. This is revenge from the Chasers, they must be spurred on for the sake of Riberhus. The arrogant elf is KO while Gorgonzola is only stunned – magnificent to withstand a blitz from a much stronger opponent like that.

The Chasers quickly falls back and take the ball under control, luring the arrogant elfs to rush after them. A well timed blitz and the Chasers rush past most of the arrogant elfs line, up the right side. The arrogant elfs mark as best they can but it is in vain as Fourme D´Ambert is blocked free to run in GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL – MARVELOUS SCORE A threatening equalizer have been transformed to a comfortable lead – amazing composure under pressure.

The ball is kicked and the arrogant nonchalant thrower makes a vanity pass close to the left side of the pitch. The Chasers live up to their name as they swarm the arrogant ball carrying elf. A KO later and the ball is on the ground right next to the sideline. OI come on ref – surely you saw the totenschläger this time? This is an outrage and while poor Cruyére is helped of pitch with a fractured arm, the arrogant deceiving elfs push the ball out to the crowd. The crowd sensing that great unjust have been committed throws the ball right to the middle of the arrogant elfs pitch – were as you would suspect a few arrogant elfs would be ready for it. But no that is not the case for the ball is deftly surrounded by the Chasers – they own the pitch tonight.

Stilton gets the ball and this time the Chasers does not rely on his ability to dodge as they set in a few blocks to free a path for him. Stilton dashes towards the endzone GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL – splendid effort by the 7 game rookie, surely he will no longer be teased in the sewers. Fantastic response from the Chasers after seeing all that mindless violence from the arrogant elfs.

Last minute and the ball is kicked and by Gunnar, the Chasers make another blitz. They are really eager to make the arrogant elfs pay for their brutal ways. The ball is kicked to the far corner in the right side. The arrogant nonchalant thrower tries a no look flashy pick up but ends looking like a jerk as the ball is into the stands once again. The ball is thrown in right in front of Stilton, this is an easy score. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Stilton fluffs the pick up, the game ends, Stilton somehow managed to score two and fluff two 120% chances.

The Chasers don’t care, they have won the division – the first piece of magic is theirs. The moon will shine a bit brighter in the future and by Gunnar you can almost smell the cheese melting like from a big a pizza pie.

And that’s all folks, the Chasers are onwards in a higher division next season and until then.
This was Gunnar Longtounge – Gunnar objectivity’s last defender for the far far away section of the Blahvile Gazette.