GFI! (Or, how to determine how badly your 6 AGI Legend will trip up in the endzone after successfully tackling someone, stealing the ball from them, and dodging through 5 successive TZs in one turn)

This just in:

The top-secret formula to determine whether or not a player successfully Goes For It! has recently been leaked from a military installation located in the south of France.

The formula is as follows:

First, take the number of SP your player has. This number is represented by S.

Secondly, take the number of legs your player has and divide them by e (roughly 2.71828183). This number is represented by L.

Thirdly, take the total number of players on the field. This number is represented by P.

Fourthly, take the player's Agility. This number is represented by A.

Finally, divide the current year by the hour of day at GMT, add this number to pi, and multiply by -.05. This number is represented by Q.

Once you have all these numbers, simply enter them into the following formula to determine whether your player will successfully GFI!

[(A + P) / Q ] * L + (Q / S) * 0

As an example, let's calculate the chance that "Hovercraft Nobbly-toes," a Skaven Gutter Runner has of successfuly rolling a GFI!

First, we take Ole' Hover's SP number. Having played in 10 games, he has a not unrespectable 33 SP. Thus, S = 32.

Secondly, "The Nobbler" has 2 legs. (2.5, counting the tail). Thus, L = 2.5/2.71828183 = 0.91969860240724193046605472840173 (We'll round up to .92)

Let's say that, due to much foul play on both sides, there are only 15 players still on the field, so P = 15.

Toesy's Agility is a puny 4. A = 4.

Finally, It's 3am GTM, so Q = 3 + 3.14159265 (ish) * -.05 = 2.99159265 (rounding up to 2.99)

Sticking these numbers into the equation, we can see that Hovercraft Nobbly-toes (Known to certain individuals as "The big H.O.") has the follwing chance of success:

[(4 + 15) / 2.99 ] * .92 + (2.99 / 33) * 0

[ 19 / 2.99 ] * .92 + .09 * 0

6.35 * .92 + .09 * 0

5.84 + .09 * 0

5.93 * 0

0

That is to say, not a snowball's chance in what is colloquially referred to by those under the age of 10 as "Heck".

I hope that you have found the leaking of this equation to be as interesting, useful, and edifying as I have.

EDIT: It has also been brought to my attention that there are suspicions regarding the chance of death when tripping during a GFI while literally crossing the end-zone to score a TD. Specifically, there is rumoured to be a direct correlation between these two instances.
Apothecaries may also be in on this racket, as many have been seen taking suspiciously out-of-pay-scale vacations to far-away places at the same time as a player is lying in the dirt with blood flowing out of the gaping wound left by the sharpened football, which has somehow managed to lodge itself firmly in the player's head/chest/groin/throat/eyeball/tongue, stuck firmly by what looks suspiciously like super glue, as the player's family looks on with tears in their eyes and their eyes on the Life Insurance policy.