SAS: Eagles Beat Writer Steven A. Smithysmyth here with a few of our favorite Eagles, coach Arcayn, team captain #16 Joe Doe, and human highlight reel T.Y. Hilton. Thanks coach for allowing me to...

Arcayn: Listen Steve... before you start i just want to say last season was a debacle. Before the season started, I wanted to switch things up with the team, but because we had only lost 1 game the previous season team ownership thought we should hold fast to what we had and run it back hopefully with a little more success thanks to the addition of Hilton, here.

TYH: Thanks co..

Arcayn: Don't thank me. I wasnt complimenting you. You actually didnt accomplish what the brass thought you would.

TYH: But coach, I made the Pr...

Arcayn: No one cares about the Doofr Invitational. Dont even try to label it as a Pro Bowl. Pro Bowl Participants are decided by votes not... anyway I digress.

SAS: Coach, so the changes you wanted last season did not happen. What about this season the team seems to be making trades every day.

Arcayn: Yeah Steve. The team fired the General Manager... I don't even remember the schmuck's name... and gave me the full power over personnel. So I've made a few changes that the some may see as questionable. But that I fully believe in. The toughest of all of them being shipping Wilt off to the cold barrens of Praag. I made sure to purchase him some Eagles Thermal undies and a Grizzly fur lined Parka before sending him off. And then sending Khalil back home to Middenheim. Should be interesting seeing Mack against the Pats this season. But again... I digress. We have a new game plan. There is something that these guys here with me have that the guys i sent packing didnt have. And that is pizazz. Skill!

JD: Pizza? Did you say Pizza, Coach?

Arcayn: No Joe. Anyway these are the kind of guys we want here in Remas. Guys that can handle the Rock.

*Hilton and Doe both drop to the ground, while yelling out, "ROCK!" in unison.

Arcayn: Get up Bozos. I didnt mean that kind of Rock. Anyway, I'd like to introduce our newest Eagles here to play season 8 in the Midnight Green and Grey.

Thrower Jimmy G. Jimmy comes to us from Middenheim.

SAS: Coach doesn't Garoppolo have a busted knee?

Arcayn: Steve, you were one of the Naysayers when Mack came to town too, and look how that went? Jimmy won't be doing a lot of running. We have Marino for that. Jimmy's specialty is throwing the damn ball. So when we need that... he is here.

Next is Catcher DeAndre Hopkins. He comes...

SAS: Coach, doesn't...

Arcayn: Steve, Shut the Hell up!!! Yes DeAndre has a hiccup in his giddyup. But have you seen him? Have you seen the skillset and what he can do?

If we need super speed we have T.Y. here. That isnt Hopkins' role.

And Blitzer Jamie Collins. Collins is a unique talent in the DLE. I dont believe there are any others out there like him. Last year during the offseason I traveled to Athel Loren to watch the Wood Elves play Blood Bowl. The Blitzers on those teams were very similar in skills to Collins. Fans should expect to see this Eagle flying high this season.

SAS: Are you comparing Collins to the illustrious Wood Elf War Dancers?

Arcayn: If you've seen his capabilities, you would too. Just wait and see.

SAS: So you currently have Three 1st Round picks. wmWhat type of players do you plan to draft?

Arcayn: Well by draft time we may not have 3 firsts. But either way we plan to bring in 2 more Blitzers, an Ogre, and some fodder... I mean linemen. But as I said, there is still more time for trades.

SAS: Thanks again coach. It certainly appears that you are preparing the Eagles to Fly this coming Season. Whether they maintain altitude or crash and burn is yet to be seen.

*Camera goes black*