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2013-08-09 02:56:25
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2013-08-09 00:54:36
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2013-08-09 00:54:36
14 votes, rating 5.5
14 votes, rating 5.5
Angry Elf Journeyman kills two dorfs and Saves the Day for the Mad Screamers!
http://www.fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=player&player_id=9571940
Evander "Dorfkiller" Goldsnake earned his nickname in his tryout match for the Mad Screamers. Hired as a Journeyman to replace dead players, he amazed coach Uedder Street with an outstanding performance, and was then hired by the Screamers.
During this match http://www.fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=match&id=3470885 he killed one dorf blocker with a foul at the beginning of the second half. In a match where the "Screamers" just couldn't do a thing, Evander almost single handedly stopped the opposition from scoring, by dodging away of multiple tackle zones and then knocking down the ball carrier on a non-assisted blitz!
But it was just not enough for Evander, it was personal business with the dorf runner: "Dorfkiller" sent the midget into the crowd, screaming so loud to excite the mob, that the spectators ended up killing the flashy midget.
"How could I not hire him after a match like that? - Stated coach Street - I don't care what the statistics say: he killed two dorfs and was the cornerstone of the team. That's the kind of lineman I want in my team: vicious, blood-thirsty and competitive. And he screams well, too."
Is this the birth of a legend? Or just 60K more golden coins thrown in the morgue? Only time will tell...
Evander "Dorfkiller" Goldsnake earned his nickname in his tryout match for the Mad Screamers. Hired as a Journeyman to replace dead players, he amazed coach Uedder Street with an outstanding performance, and was then hired by the Screamers.
During this match http://www.fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=match&id=3470885 he killed one dorf blocker with a foul at the beginning of the second half. In a match where the "Screamers" just couldn't do a thing, Evander almost single handedly stopped the opposition from scoring, by dodging away of multiple tackle zones and then knocking down the ball carrier on a non-assisted blitz!
But it was just not enough for Evander, it was personal business with the dorf runner: "Dorfkiller" sent the midget into the crowd, screaming so loud to excite the mob, that the spectators ended up killing the flashy midget.
"How could I not hire him after a match like that? - Stated coach Street - I don't care what the statistics say: he killed two dorfs and was the cornerstone of the team. That's the kind of lineman I want in my team: vicious, blood-thirsty and competitive. And he screams well, too."
Is this the birth of a legend? Or just 60K more golden coins thrown in the morgue? Only time will tell...
Comments
Posted by harvestmouse on 2013-08-09 00:57:06
Nice.
Posted by Overhamsteren on 2013-08-09 01:00:52
Maybe you should do a background check on him, I think he might have been involved in the porn business.
Posted by Jeffro on 2013-08-09 01:43:02
Even if he dies on the LOS Turn 0 next game, that's 60K well spent on dead dorf memorabilia. Well done, I say!!
Posted by Uedder on 2013-08-09 02:39:12
Thanks for the intel Overhamsteren. We've been doing some research on Dorfkiller, including some regressive hypnosis sessions. It appears that Evander's mother, known in the business as "Eva Pornsnake", was the star in the classic movie "Snow White and the Sexin' Dwarves". One day Evander was surfing the web looking for some material to shake is GoldSnake, when he found the aforementioned movie.
It was a terrible shock for the young elf, who fled his homeland, wandering the world as an outcast. He did every sort of thing during those dark days, he even acted in a couple of porn movies with female dorfs, trying to "even the score", but that just deepened his hate for them ale-stinking beards.
Finally he found out many of the actors in that old movie had turned to professional bloodbowl players, following the great crysis of dwarven porn industry the we all know too well.
So he became a professional player, with the only goal to track down the previous actors and kill them on the pitch. And guess what? Mad Screamers were facing a team where two of those actors (the list is actually quite long) used to play. That's the reason why we've been blessed with his appearence. And guess what? He killed those bearded fuckers!
Now Evander has accepted to become a screamer, as long as he is allowed to play against "those" dorfs and kill them. We are not the ones who will stop him!
It was a terrible shock for the young elf, who fled his homeland, wandering the world as an outcast. He did every sort of thing during those dark days, he even acted in a couple of porn movies with female dorfs, trying to "even the score", but that just deepened his hate for them ale-stinking beards.
Finally he found out many of the actors in that old movie had turned to professional bloodbowl players, following the great crysis of dwarven porn industry the we all know too well.
So he became a professional player, with the only goal to track down the previous actors and kill them on the pitch. And guess what? Mad Screamers were facing a team where two of those actors (the list is actually quite long) used to play. That's the reason why we've been blessed with his appearence. And guess what? He killed those bearded fuckers!
Now Evander has accepted to become a screamer, as long as he is allowed to play against "those" dorfs and kill them. We are not the ones who will stop him!
Posted by Overhamsteren on 2013-08-09 02:47:09
'Now Evander has accepted to become a screamer'
Following in his mothers footsteps :D
Hope he will do better than this champ:
https://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=player&op=view&player_id=9168030
Following in his mothers footsteps :D
Hope he will do better than this champ:
https://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=player&op=view&player_id=9168030
Posted by Uedder on 2013-08-09 03:03:35
The problem with these guys is once you hire them, they settle down. I stormed out in the post-game press conference against this mentality. How can someone be this awesome when loner and then spend the next match in the ko box? Things better change or I'm going to fire all of them and play with journeyman alone!
As for Eva PornSnake, it's difficult to scream with a mouthful of dorf!
As for Eva PornSnake, it's difficult to scream with a mouthful of dorf!
Posted by Rabe on 2013-08-09 20:06:45
The story and its extension really made me laugh. Good job! :-D
I'd be interested in that list... many Agility Monsters have a rather dubious background and we usually don't ask any question. But finding out someone is actually on that list would be pretty entertaining! And a reason not to play your team ever.
I'd be interested in that list... many Agility Monsters have a rather dubious background and we usually don't ask any question. But finding out someone is actually on that list would be pretty entertaining! And a reason not to play your team ever.
Posted by Uedder on 2013-08-10 00:51:12
Thanks Rabe! I like writing, so I'm pleased when someone else enjoys my work :) Even more so as english is not my native language, and I kinda struggle while using it in written form... checking on wordreference every few words XD
Btw the list of the "dorfs that deserve to die" is Evander's greatest secret. According to locker room gossip, he whispers the list every night, just before he sleeps. But maybe that's not true, maybe it's just a fake, an idea stolen from GRRM's books... maybe some Monsters are on that list... maybe he will meet them on the field, someday. That day, we shall know the truth...
Btw the list of the "dorfs that deserve to die" is Evander's greatest secret. According to locker room gossip, he whispers the list every night, just before he sleeps. But maybe that's not true, maybe it's just a fake, an idea stolen from GRRM's books... maybe some Monsters are on that list... maybe he will meet them on the field, someday. That day, we shall know the truth...