http://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=match&id=2142336

This was my league matchup to send the Green Bay Orkers into the finals for the 145 Club Rookie Cup, and man was it a crazy match. The following is a dramatization of the match, it’s long, but I am at work and bored so I had fun with it.

The Orkers arrived at the stadium to see the rain coming down sideways in sheets. At kick off it was hard to even see the Raiders standing mere feet away. Not known for their prowess in ball handling, the coach of the Orkers gave the assignment of picking the ball up to the most nimble on the team, sure handed Blark Boneblaster. The Raiders kick was a doosy, landing one square from the end zone, splashing down in a huge mud pit formed by the non-stop rain.

Knowing that picking this ball up could be a problem, the coach called for the team to stay back and make sure that Blark had the time he needed to pick up the ball and move forward. Initial blocking went well as the raiders were pushed back and Blark had a good two turn cushion to get that ball.

Alas, the match started to look more like a Khemri-fest, Blark booted the ball the first attempt to pick it up cursing loudly and he slogged after it in the pouring rain, while the Orkers went into there famous “Iron Squig” formation, consolidating all there players is a dense formation on one side of the field, trying to concentrate blocking and open a lane.

Again, on turn three, Blark fubs it again and the ball goes off the pitch and get throw in nearer mid field by some rabid rain soaked fans. The Orkers coach started complaining loudly to the ref that the ball looks like it is covered in bacon fat. Blark’s loud cursing and growls can be heard even in the nosebleed section of the stadium

Finally on turn four Blark is able to scoop up the ball, dripping wet and covered in mud, Blark begins his sprint up field, knowing that with only four turns in the half, he is going to need to run like a goblin to make a score before the half.

By the end of turn six, Blark has reached the mid field line (not good), the slippery conditions have wrecked havoc with the raiders blockers and three have been knocked out including two BOBs, Blark looks around, does the math (he’s a smart orc) and sees that he is going to have to roll the dice and gamble to make the end zone in two turns, starting on turn seven he turns on the speed and breaks out of his cage.

Alas, the Raiders are ready and waiting and their blitzer, Runs, (not sure if it refers to his open field speed or an incontinence problem) stuns Blark on an nice open field tackle and effectively ends the scoring possibilities for the half.

By the time the second half starts, the field is just a muddy, boggy, soupy mess. Both teams and coaches miserably leave the warm dry locker room and get back on the pitch and prepare for kick off. Right before kick off, Narkle goes over to the ball, takes a snotling out of his pocket and squishes it in his big hands, he smears the ball with the slick snotling goo and jogs back to his position chuckling to himself.

The second half kick is short, and Tossin, the Raiders thrower, gets ready to move in and scoop up the ball. But before he can, The Raider’s blitzer, Hard, makes a risky and ill advised single die block that comes up a skull, the Orkers see their chance and pounce! They move in quickly and tie up and many players as possible to prevent a cage from forming, while Narkle, knowing that ball is going to be hard to pick up(thanks to him), rushes hard around the end of the line to put pressure on Tossin.

As predicted, Tossin can’t pick up the slippery, gooey, muddy ball, and the Orkers start to close in on him. The Raiders can see the trouble coming, and their blitzer, Runs, makes a valiant dash to help out Tossin and stop the multiple Orkers closing in, but alas, Narkle, hero of the first round of the playoffs, makes the play of the match, with Caff Calfcruncher laying a huge block on Runs, Narkle blitzes, makes a successful one die block on Tossin, scoops up the ball in the horrible conditions, and then does a successful GFI to score. Tossin immediately gets up and starts jawing at the ref showing him the goo on his hands. The ref inspects the ball (which Narkle has clean as part of his “Orky Washing Machine” TD dance), seeing no foul play, the ref lets the score stand!

The Raiders coach gets down on his knees in the pouring rain and prays to Nuffle for some change in fortune, and no sooner does he do this when the clouds dissipate, and the sun comes out drying the pitch, the weather has turned to perfect blood bowl conditions! This greatly favors Tossin and his gobbo receiver, Nowhere. Knowing he needs to move fast, the Raiders move into there “Death Skull” formation, overloading one side with Nowhere right behind the line ready to sprint through an opening. The Orkers are in their “The Gitz Stops Here” prevent defense, far back off the line hoping to cling to their lead.

The half opens with a bad omen for the Orkers, Spar Sackripper lands awkwardly on his arm after a block and a gruesome injury occurs with the bone sticking out and blood pouring from his shattered appendage, he crawls off the field, knowing win or lose, he won’t be playing if they make it to the championship game while his arm heals.

The play develops well for the Raiders, with Tossin getting the now dry ball to his gobbo and crossing mid field in the first turn. Frustrated by the first half, Blark heads back to the endzone to cut off and hopefully squish the gobbo if he makes a run for it. But alas, on the Raider’s next turn, disaster strikes, Nowhere suddenly has a change of heart with so many Orkers nearby (it could have been Narkle’s finger across the throat gesture combined with pointing right at Nowhere), and he turns around and runs back to Tossin telling him to take the ball and hands it off. But alas, Tossin isn’t quite ready for the ball back and still has some squig goo on his gloves, he botches the hand off, letting the ball drop to the field.

Kaven Kneebuster runs in and scoops up the ball heading for the endzone, he knows he probably won’t make it, but every second he has the ball, the Raiders don’t and even his small brain knows that a team can’t score without the ball. Kaven is predictably taken down next turn and Tossin comes in and picks up the ball, ready to make a last ditch attempt at scoring a TD, but in trying to put some distance between himself and Kaven, he trips over a muddy hole left from the rain and stuns himself: the ball again falls to the ground. Kaven again picks it up and is playing keep away from the Raiders. Alas, trying to sprint, Kaven trips and sets up the Raiders to try perhaps one of the most spectacularly difficult plays even designed.

Unmarked and forgotten, the Raiders BOB, Whatim, gets behind the Orkers line and sprints to the end zone, putting his hands in the air and calling for a pass. The Raider’s lineman, Moving, picks himself off the ground, runs to the ball, and gets ready to attempt a long bomb pass to Whatim “Stone Hands” the Black Orc. If he pulls it off, it would go down in the history books, but alas, it’s not meant to be, as Moving needs another step to have a chance at a throw and trips over the rain soaked pitch and falls down, ending the game, and ending the Raider’s run at the cup. The Orkers are going to the finals! Narkle again is the hero of the game, having scored all the TDs for the Orkers so far in the tourney.

On a side note, it was a great turnout for the game, 73k which netted the Orkers 80k and enough to hire another player for the upcoming finals. It was a hard fought match, but the Orkers are now 16 turns from hoisting the cup!