So to flesh out a little background and groundwork to this essay *ahem* Blog Post...I want to go over some of the current state of the GLN which I pluckily leapt into trying to get going again. And have given up on.

First, it is in dormant. Why? Because I was in stasis. I simply could not think about investing the effort into it, not knowing even HOW to organizationally do it. Effort for an output where verily, I wanted to talk about the stuff I wanted to talk about in relation to BB and was likely going to hog the space with my voice. With very specific stuff that I cared about. In fact, I did my part as Interviewer/Writer with a few other coaches and kind of stopped caring or thinking about it fully once that was out of my system. I didn't even go to the effort to edit it. Because the purpose of it, at the time, was done. I had the conversations I wanted with the people I wanted and picked up on some things I was curious about but not fully answered.

Second, because I didn't have an 'Editorial Eye' for stories that mattered to you folks, I put out a few requests for stories. I got some back and I seriously didn't know how to even edit them. Or put them together for presentation. I did some groundwork on gathering fellows to do aspects and it didn't go much of anywhere. I don't have the chronology of these things because they are not fundamentally important to my analysis. I wasn't engaged or vigilant in leading the project and it basically has gone dormant because of that...well...until recently.

I will cop to reading things wrong or in a defeatist manner because I have a wonky brain that's trying to do a lot at once but for me, one of the biggest hangups on throwing myself into the GLN was the leap of faith. "If I throw about 2-3 hours a week into this, what will I get and the community get out of it". I couldn't establish that consistently from the moment I tried to resurrect it. What I was getting out of it was simply rallying the troops to give it another shot and hopefully reach a critical mass of 'yeah, were doing it!'. That felt good! And I did it! I did get people to do a little buy in and contribute a little bit. Yet, I didn't and probably still don't know how to carry the maintenance/checkin/accountability regimen of projects like this. What the GLN could use is that which I can't provide - buy in and commitment and structure and accountability to one another.

So there you have it. I think it was Kam who recently pinged the group PM asking about status and I felt it was better to practice writing and give it to the community rather than spoil the fellows who signed on last year. Kam has done the GLN before vis a vis layout and rendering the final product in BB Code. Maybe he's the next one to pick up the mantle of leading the project? Maybe he's the essential player who is seeking out an organizational and accountability oriented leader to pick up the mantle. Talk to him about it! He seems keen to try and breath life back into the GLN. (Sorry Kam, but the tall nail gets the hammer.)

***

The GLN Issue is perhaps a manifestation of the concept of 'The Tragedy of the Commons'. If we are satisfying our own needs without actualizing and internalizing the full scope of how those needs are met and our role in that, the very thing that fulfills those needs can wither. The 'Tragedy of the Commons' is the contemplation on folks not seeing it as 'their job' to be part of the community or community maintenance or community vigilance to the detriment of the community itself. The Commons become unusable and the group potential that having a Commons to interact provides is gone. Or full of cacti. Or trolls. Or trolls with cacti chainsaws. You get the idea.

In the case of the GLN Issue, if you assert your own needs and meeting those needs ahead of the group project, the group project will suffer. I couldn't cede how I interacted with Fumbbl before the project and that's my fault. For me, it would require more focus on my part and focus is one of the cognitive resources I have a distinct lack of. Uppers like coffee and nicotine help with that focus (I am drinking coffee and vaping while writing this after all) but it also means purposefully and consciously using your time to do something when your Fumbbl loads up.

I could almost always satisfy the gambler in myself simply by playing. That's a very pleasurable scratch to an insatiable itch. And much more pleasurable than sending PMs that amount to "Where are we with this and what do you need from me to move it along" and waiting for the leap of faith to be validated by the other party. Or being asked for something that you think you're too butt in terms of aptitude to provide. And waiting for that validation of working on the group project which doesn't feel as good as -2d6 Double Pows on a 5+ dodge.

FWIW, I had a realization in conversation last night with my wife that one of the reasons I have conflicts with other people is because I engage in conversations in a very specific way where I want to treat them as cognitive objects for further contemplation ahead of actually listening with an empathetic ear. I have made a conscious effort not to affirm what I believe over the past couple of years because truly, it is not what I believe that is important but the process with which I got to my current spot of belief. And I don't want my beliefs to get in the way of something useful/meaningful/fun if that is a possible barrier to finding and creating that. And generally it hasn't but its something I am vigilant in conscious contemplating at this point. With the role of being NBFL Commish for 3 years as test.

***

Just wanted to lay this out there so you get a sense of where I'm coming from, the issues I personally faced and saw, and why I couldn't get over the hump to manifest a 2019 iteration of GLN while heading it up. If you wanna make it happen, hear this as a call for inspiration and contemplation on how you can. If after that contemplation you reckon you can't in the short term, walk away from the contemplation with at least the possibility of heeding a call for help if/when. You might find out you like it and it makes someone else's day.