Inspired by that Yes Minister gag :)
https://www.quotes.net/mquote/956541
I am rewarded from my optimal choices. You are very lucky.
(and its mirror image)
I am very unlucky. You played badly.
I skillfully utilise what's on my team. You rely on crutches. They just win because of their stat freaks.
I am self-deprecating. You are whining. They are a nightmare to play against.
I carefully manage my TV. You are min-maxing.
I really enjoy playing this effective but challenging roster. You only play top tier teams to boost your winrate.
I play team development oriented matches. You are a picker. They farm noobs.
Hope you like it, and possibly have more.