I vant to talk about this new league called CIBBL. As a vampire ancient and devoted Cabalvision ™️ subscriber I think I know my Blood Bowl ™️ I've seen leagues come and go and... unfortunately this is the worst I've ever seen in over 327 years! Vy they don't even crucify the losing coaches anymore! and no Maiden Marktag! Vot is this?!? And don't even get me talking about the price of a pint of blood! Pah!
- Baron Eki von Strudelstein
Hello Boots Fan,
This obscure newspaper has asked me to start a new column to review the best fouler of the week in CIBBL. I obviously refused as I'm busy and we all know who the best fouler is. Also, I don't watch any game. But then it said it would be paid, so I accepted. This week, the choice was easy, there was only one contender, and it was me, Vima Taktu. In the
opening game of the Lustria vs Kingdoms of Ind, Lumbria and Kuresh, I managed to injure three players in 5 minutes. First that wannabe star Sikyawa Windtalker, crushing his elbow, then I just nonchalently kicked in groin while running a nobody and finally that stub-nosed star with a beautiful jump on his stomach. Unfortunately, the apothecary saved him and the referee, that two-faced nobody called me out on it, we exchanged some words and he threw me out of the game ! A complete scandal, but at least I could go back to my nap after that. No one ever came close that week.
That's it for now, send me your submissions foul lovers as I'm so busy I don't have time to watch all the games like you coach potatoes.
Don't forget you can buy replica golden boots directly from Nikill, "you can foul it".
VT
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Summer has come to CIBBL! This Summer will see regions clashing versus other regions, in a team vs team showdown. It is time for the Grudgemaker Summer Showdown!
Summer has kicked off with a vengeance and we head straight to our
first report from our man in the field Brian Brains, reporting from the deep caverns. Brian...
BRIAN: Yes i am here at the Karak Azog main pub, people is going crazy after caverns first match versus the Mountains. People is chanting and there is a lot of mess all around. They are claiming a vicotry over the dorfs, let's listen to some of them
Git: yeeeaaa hhhhhaahah dead golemm whooo
BRIAN: thanks for your insight, let's look for someone not high. You sir, any comment on the match?
2nd git: AHAHAHAHAH
BRIAN: uhm ok, let's try another
3rd git: VICTORY!
BRIAN: well... no it is a draw which is good but... ah yeah they are dwarves and one died. So, this is Brian Brains reporting, from all over the caverns is a great celebration, claiming victory already, listen to the chants!
CHORUS: Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Caves?
Our second reporter, Brave Dave, has been deep undercover as the armour polisher for the Dökkálfar Dreki. He snuck up to the stands to catch a couple of snapshots of the Dreki attempting to score.
Back to back turns apparently. Seems the Caverngut Cheaters really dodged conceding a TD there. Unlike the Dreki who just couldn't dodge.
A perfect time to highlight our new partnership with NoBalance. Use the code dodge11 when the friendly trolls drops off your order for 11% off. They'll still cost an arm and a leg. Literally.
Mad man Fanky in his logo tower has been busy as usual, trading artistic endeavours for slightly less whipping. His two latest creations are below. He can be contacted by raven, astral projection or PM
Over on our social media desk, Blagga Gobspite has been monitoring the best comments online this season and then passing them off as his own
Ken Burnsalot has a new documentary out soon called "Blood Bowl: Life On The Pitch". We got this sneaky extract from hour 48 of 59.
Sikyawa had been feeling good. After all those years carving a name for himself and racking up trophies in the Lustrian Superleagues, he had finally been called onto the big league. He was hired by the CIBBL has a free agent a few months ago, and today was the day he was hired to play for the first time. A hefty sum, he felt proud of the fee he agreed upon with the CIBBL officials. He met the team he would be playing with and trained with them for a few days, reviewing all his special dances. He was ready. His chest was pounding, proud and excited when both teams set up. And then it started. He saw to his right the huge tigers they had been warned about wrecking havoc on his team-mates. It didn't concern him, he had been hired for one thing, and one thing only, hunt the ball and whomever might be carrying it. He rushed into an opening, and saw right before his eyes a tall woman with the ball in one of her four arms. He was ready. Suddenly, one, two players surrounded him, he didn't even have enough time to make out what they were before he was thrown on the ground. While trying to find a way to quickly jump back on his feet, he saw from the corner of his eyes a third form approaching, reeking of stale tobacco and cheap rum. He stopped and looked up. The form started dancing in front of him, a mockery of his own special dances. As it approached, he noticed the blood-stained kit and the golden boots. Then the boot moved fast towards his arm and he felt pain. The form approached its head and said "Welcome to the Big League little guy" and it all went blank. The last thing he thought before blacking out was that he sure hoped they wouldn't ask for the money back.
Really raises the hair on the back of your neck.
And finally, let's see how the carnival are getting on this season
Back in the swing of things.
Until next week...
If something amazing happened in your CIBBL game this week or if you're feeling creative then send it my way. I'll crop out your name and claim credit by posting in next week