Tactical Wiki-blog

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Step 1: Identify what you wish to steal.

There are many things one can steal from babies: sweeties, pacifiers, cuddly toys, their dignity, a chance at a brighter future. Choose well, young pad-wan.

Step 2: Identify your victim.

Babies come in all shapes and sizes, and some babies are softer targets than others. For maximum baby-stealing efficiency, try to choose one that is asleep. But BE CAREFUL, sometimes they are only snoozing, and will wake up at a most inopportune moment. Avoid sticky babies at all costs.

Step 3: Assessing the scene.

Babies are rarely alone. This is unfortunate, as it complicates the stealing immensely. Guards can include over-protective mothers, knitting grandmothers (beware those needles!), grumpy old granddads, tired and anxious fathers, or buxom swedish nannies. You task here is to distract the guard in order to create an opportunity to steal from the baby.

Step 4: Creating the opportunity.

Distractions can include setting off a fire-alarm (works only on forgetful/selfish parents), creating a small explosion nearby, nailing a cat to a tree so that its cries will attract the guard, ventriloquism, or the expedient use of a blackjack.

Step 5: The Steal!

Now you have the baby at your mercy! [insert maniacal laugh here]. Well, get in there! Steal away. Take that baby's things! Go get 'em you winner!

Step 6: The Escape.

Depending on the nature of your distraction, you will - at this vital point - need a viable escape plan. Running is often a favourite, often combined with covering one's face with a jacket to avoid photos. Care is required here to avoid falling into a duck pond, or some other sort of nefarious baby-theif trap.

Step 7: The Gloating.

Safely back in your secret base/apartment/parents' basement, you can now take stock of the spoils of your glorious deeds. A fluffy toy, some sweeties, or maybe a treasured cuddly blankie (no sleep for you tonight , little one!). You can now add it to your "Wall of Fame", your shrine to your super abilities, you record of honour!

Or should that be "Wall of Shame".