"Welcome one and all to another match on the Blood Bowl pitch! I'm Snot Sniffly, skink extrodinaire, and with me as always is Gorgaz Toothfang, the the peg-legged orc with a mouth bigger than a Kroxigor's!"

"Shaddap. We're here today to witness the match between the necromantic Captain Chokechain's Crew and the UAS Harnes, and it poses to be an interesting match. Will the dead walk all over the living, or will the Chaos outpower the dead to leave twitching bodies all over the pitch? We find out today in a few short minutes."

"It's going to be fun to watch them face off in what is hoped to be a bloody, messy pile of carnage. Much like the last goblin chainsawer that tried to backstab me, this is going to kick back in your face and if it doesn't leave you happy, then I'll eat a deep fried skaven fresh from the pitch after an armor break!"

(The orc just rolls his eyes, rustling some papers in front of him at the newsdesk.)

"... You... are weird."

"On the one side we have Captain Chokechain's Crew, where team captain Chainsaw Chokechain and his brother Chunkfist have bothered a necromancer enough to raise a few Tortured Souls that are only distinguished by the numbers carved into their backs so Chainsaw can tell the difference. Alongside that are a pair of flesh golems, one built like a broken marionette and the other dressed as a doctor. Even the freshly animated wights are unoriginal, simply being called the White and Black Fists, respectively.

"No one said the undead were original thinkers. Or that they think at all. Of course, all that wimpy damaged flesh is going to be splattered all over the pitch!"

"On the other, the UAS Harnes, a rookie Chaos Team with no minotaur. With four powerful warriors against the two flesh golems though, the Necromantics are out-powered. And that's not counting the horns on the other team members!"

"Yes, there's something to be said about being alive to be able to enjoy those kinds of perks."

"Or dead, in this case..."

"Time to sit back, quaff a few gallons of mountain dew, and enjoy the match. The coin is tossed..."

"The dead lose the toss, and the Necromantics... will kick off, to start this game on a glorious normal day."

"For given values of normal. No one said this group was normal. Or even above average. Now below average on the other hand..."

(The match begins. A quick snap.)

"It's a Quick Snap as the kick goes to midfield, and the UAS Harnes begin descerating the dead with authority. One stun and a few knockdowns later, the dead are on the move when one of the beastmen fails to pick up the ball. Seeking a chance to put the hurt on, one of the Chokechain brothers charges a warrior, supported by zombies. While he doesn't break armor he does get into the backfield alone..."

"No one ever said dogs were smart things..."

"Beast Man 'Kahrim' picks up the ball, and while the chaos warriors go after the necro backfield to clear a path (ignoring chokechain in the process, which is not the smartest of moves), he hangs on to the ball as the necro begin their march again. The wights begin to beat on the beastmen but can't make a dent, then one of the wolves attempts to break free."

"His tail is grabbed, but he breaks the hold and charges, nobly (?) bringing the ball carrier down and forcing the Chaos to try to pick it up again. When they do, Chunkfist attempts to dodge away from a warrior and ALSO gets a tailgrab for his trouble... allowing the Chaos to maintain their charge and press on down the field. Instead of making a cage they position themselves two player lengths apart, forcing some exceedingly fancy footwork if the werewolves want to capitalize."

"Capitalize with what?" *points to the field* "All their players are down."

"Chainsaw tries to get close to the ballcarrier as the rest of the dead pick themselves up and hit where they can, but not managing much of anything, the Chaos continue their assault. With just a little under half remaining in the first half, the dead will have to change their tactics. Perhaps even let them score and try for a 1-1 tie."

(A Chaos Warrior rolls a both down on the first block of the turn and both he and the flesh golem go down.)

"A bad play by the chaos leaves the Crew an opening! It'd have to be a weak block deep into enemy territory, but something is better than nothing! A werewolf charges, and slams the beastman to the ground as the ball scatters to the sideline... and one of the zombies hits a beastman when they're not looking, giving them a broken neck for their trouble!"

"And then Chunkfist tries to be showy and hit a chaos warrior. Fortunately, he regenerated that hit. It... wasn't pretty. This is why you don't show off until AFTER the ball is in the endzone, kids!"

"The warriors get mad, knocking out The Black Fist as they move to the sideline to crowd around the ball. If they can't score, then the dead won't either!"

"I keep forgetting how agile the chaos warriors are. One of them, one 'Tarek'... where do they come up with these un-scary names... grabs the ball and holds on to it while the dead have to spend another turn picking themselves up off the ground, this time minus a wolf. The dead creep up to surround Tarek, but he himself has chaos warriors nearby to assist. Slowly they press ahead as it gets to the closing moments of the first half."

"Can the dead hold off the chaos' advance at midfield? Not with the hits I'm seeing as the beastmen use their horns to their fullest advantage, knocking aside dead flesh and bone alike to give the chaos warriors a free path to the end zone."

"With both boneheads... I mean wights, stunned, the only way to slow if not stop the chaos advance is a charge downfield by a single golem against a single chaos warrior. The golem tears downfield but only pushes against the sidelines as one of the zombies attempts a showy punch to the balls towards a beastman... and winds up with a broken neck of his own as Tarek dashes into the end zone. Chaos up, 1-0."

"It's all over for the first half, giving the undead a single-turn kickoff right before the whistle blows. It's a high kick to the White Fist, who catches it but can't do anything with it. The wolves set themselves up for a frontal assault... and Chainsaw Chokechain AGAIN gets himself injured. Fortunately he regenerates again but it's only a matter of time before he stops... regeneration can't fix everything."

(The half ends, there's a "word from a sponsor" shown on the Gigant-O-Tron, and the game resumes.)

"And we're back from that sponsor, here with cold beverages and colder corpses on the pitch!"

"..."

"Anyway, it's time to kick off to Captain Chokechain's Crew... the kick's a good one, and some brilliant coaching by the Chaos give them a little extra edge. The Black Fist didn't get up at all during halftime, so they're down to just the one wight."

"The White Fist picks up the ball as Chunkfist dodges back in order to play "catch the ball" like a good little dog. The wight cocks his bony arm back... there's the attempt... and the ball slips through his fingers as his arm briefly falls off since bones don't have the dexterity of muscles. Emboldened by this little slip up, the Chaos begin to press another advantage and prepare to make dead flesh dead again."

"It's a fistfight on the pitch as beastman after beastman begin to beat the grey matter out of the already brainless zombies. There's a rush to get to the ball, which ends prematurely when a flesh golem falls down on top of a beastman. That's one way to keep your opponent from moving!"

"Only until he gets out from under him, as you just saw. With the ball wide open the Chaos get very close to another touchdown but from out of nowhere Chunkfist Chokechain dashes to the ball and snatches it up in his teeth, running toward midfield with no support at all. Like I said earlier, dogs are dumb. Dumber than you, even."

"As he tears off downfield, a zombie brings down another beastman to end his day on the pitch... hey, is that the same one that broke the guy's neck earlier?"

"How should I know, the zombies all look the same to me."

"Well, it looks like that little move pissed off the Chaos. The fisticuffs intensify, with hit after hit knocking down the dead only for them to get back up and crowd around the ball in order to keep from being embarrassed any further at today's game. The Chaos are having none of it; they're not giving up their advantage."

"There goes Chainsaw, dashing to the ball, and after blitzing down a beastman and STILL not breaking armor... what are those claws made of... grass?"

"... Chainsaw grabs the ball in direct defiance of a chaos warrior looming over him, and dodges back. With the zombies at midfield being tied up by beastmen and the flesh golems who knows where, there isn't enough support to keep him holding the ball, much less on the pitch. A beastman stuns him with no trouble at all and the ball goes flying with no necromantical creatures nearby to pick it up."

(The orc looks at his partner, one eyebrow cocked upward.)

"Is necromantical even a word?"

"I dunno, but I like it. The ball pops loose and with just a little over half time in the remaining half... it's all over, the rest of the game is the stalling kind as the chaos surround the fallen dead."

"Yeah, it's over. Such weak creatures. Being alive is better than being dead. The 'necromanticals' set up for at least one strong block from one of the Chokechain brothers... but that one turns bad and who's going to win is no longer an issue.

(several boring turns pass, it's all stalling and TERRIBLE dice with multiple skulls on what blocks the Crew attempt)

"It's over, ladies and gentlemen. The Chaos win, 2-0, and what fans are left for Captain Chokechain's Crew show their displeasure by eating the gate from the profits, leaving only 10,000 gold coins left over as a final insult to injury."

"At least it will pay for the werewolves' housetraining... did you see the piles they left all over the pitch?"

"This is Snot Sniffly for the Craptastic Bash N' Break Corp'ration, saying you'd better kick ass..."

(The orc stares into the camera, punching his fist into his other hand.)

"Or I will. YOURS!"

-((Really bad dice, that game. Plus, no preview button on blog entries? Lame.))-