"Hello, sportsfans! Time once again to flood the Blood Bowl pitch with punches, kicks, play by play, and the occasional touchdown. I'm Snot Sniffly, the only green thing on the pitch that isn't getting ready to dress up as some drunken holiday elf!"

"You don't need to dress up to look drunk, you stupid lizard."

"After sniffing what's in the kegs of the dwarves in the locker room, I'm surprised anyone can stay sober. Or not dead of alcohol poisoning."

"Today we're broadcasting two fresh teams... the humans of the Pontovian Powerhouse versus the Chaos of Arstotzka."

"Ars-to-wha?"

"I just call them Artzotz. It goes easier on the tongue."

"I bet that's what the Bloodweiser Babes tell you to do when you go down to their locker room."

"..."

"I haven't heard of the Pontovian Powerhouse, but it seems like they have their minds dead set on kicking ass and taking names... so they can remember whose ass to kick again later."

"They ARE human, so they bring some diverse skills to the pitch. With that many skills who knows if they'll need to kick ass later; there will be no opponents left before the match is over!"

"The Arsto... whatever... win the toss and will be receiving on this clear day, and they hit the field to prepare for the beatdowns. Can the humans survive the power in the beastman horns enough to win the game?"

"I love a good bashfest, but the humans are outmatched, methinks."

"We're off! The kick is straight up the middle, a high kick straight to center field. The chaos send four beastmen symmetrically to the backfield and it looks like they're setting up the same way an elf team might, going for the passing game. Dimitry, a beastman, grabs the ball and backs off into their own backfield for defense all by his lonesome, then the chaos warriors go to work on the linemen on the line of scrimmage. The humans cover the beastmen in response while the ogre picks this time to instead pick its nose instead of doing something important when he's supposed to be doing a blitz. Two human blitzers begin heading to the ball carrier but with two beastmen and three warriors free, it's going to get UGLY."

"Those that are free begin to move around to cover the humans instead of doing the normal 'let's hit the humans' thing, and while the ballcarrier loiters in their backfield, here comes Tavalorq The Mighty! The ogre gets up and close in the ballcarrier's personal space while the others need to find a way to rally. A failed dodge by a lineman means the chaos get to start the beatdowns... down goes one blitzer, then two, then a lineman."

"Dimitry dodges, stays in the backfield and then passes to Yuri, a chaos warrior as we hit the midpoint of the first half. I forgot that Chaos Warriors aren't as slow or untalented as Nurgle Warriors are. With the ogre standing stupid in what was formerly Dimitry's personal space, the Chaos team are able to smash and bash, clearing a path for Yuri to score. Ryka Skinpelt, blitzer for the humans, goes down for a stun as the humans are completely scattered all over the field... even if Yuri has no cage to protect him."

"... And here comes Zengo Razorbone! The psychopath of the team (at least according to these roster notes) rushes the chaos warrior and is supported by some lucky dodges from the rest of his team. With a right hook to the side of the head the warrior goes down and the ball is loose to bounce into the waiting hands of Growls At His Prey, one of the other blitzers!"

"I like the names of these players. Better than most of the other names I've heard for humans."

"What, no orc one-syllable word name joke to make us seem stupid?"

"I don't need to make you seem stupid since you do that pretty well on your own, greenskin."

"..."

"I hear all Growls At His Prey eats are wolverines and badgers."

"Maybe he should eat you, you'd taste better. But eating just wolverines and badgers? All that fur? Yuck."

"The ball bounces loose as a beastman charges, putting the horns to good use. The ball bounces into the crowd and is thrown back in right next to the lineman known as Sassilraxius, who according to my roster notes has a bit of a lizard fetish."

(Snot wriggles what pass for his eyebrows.)

"The big ogre Tavalorq The Mighty CHARGES Dimitry the Beastman keeping Sassilraxius bothered, and..."

(Doubleskull. Down goes the ogre.)

"He's still breathing. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"With Chaos teams, it's safe to say whether he's breathing now will be moot by the time the match ends... when he sure as hell WON'T be breathing if he gets hit like that again!"

"With the rest of the team completely covered up by more than two Chaos, the humans are out of luck trying to scramble for the ball. Zengo is pushed into the crowd, while the rest of the chaos remain in their half. It looks like they're setting up for a long pass, and the humans can't get anywhere near close. Another failed dodge and the chaos have their way on the field, with most of the humans down and staying down."

"Tarja The Jaguar follows Zengo into the crowd when the chaos have nothing better to do with their time; there's a pass from chaos warrior to chaos warrior, and there's the handoff. FAIL! LOOSE BALL! Ryka Skinpelt comes dashing out after smashing a beastman to the side... but the beastman closest to the ball grabs his leg and brings him down as the ball pops loose yet again and it's anybody's ball game. Pissed, a chaos warrior takes the eye of one of the linemen, and we're in the final seconds before the halftime whistle."

"Konstantin, beastman, grabs the ball and steps into the endzone, mocking the humans as he does so."

"Pissed, Tavalorq kicks down one of the chaos warriors, known as Yuri. He keeps him down as the remaining two blitzers try to knock down the other two warriors on the line; Yuri is out of the match, but the damage has been done. The humans will be hard pressed to keep it to a 1-1 game with the power the Chaos bring to the field. Aaaaaaand... we are at halftime."

(Halftime. Today it's a special fans-appreciation-day event, with multiple refs being tortured live on the field. Gold is freely flowing in order to to do some rather... creative tortures to those who would suffer the wrath of the fans.)

"I'm looking at these roster notes, and it looks like the humans are... genetically changed. One of them apparently was a former lizard man from another reality."

"That sounds interesting..."

"Says here that some skaven sorcerer used warpstone to breach realities, pulling a bunch of creatures from their homes and dragging them on to the blood bowl pitch."

"Maybe the sorcerer can boot you to another reality. I found this in your size."

(The skink holds up a red shirt with the Star Trek logo.)

"Your presence here breaks reality as it is. I mean, a black orc that can think for itself? Or at all?"

(Snot grins. Gorgaz elbows him then stuffs the shirt in the skink's mouth as he falls out of his chair and halftime ends.)

"We're back for the second half. While my partner stops eating fabric and sniffing glue enough to make his thoughts known, the beastmen kick to the humans and and with a lack of bodies, the blitzers are on the line to take out the chaos warriors... IF the ogre remembers to do his job and assist!"

"It's a high kick, and the human catcher Rhotetra grabs and runs up the pitch as the group forms a cage and backs up out of range of the beastmen. The beastmen aren't buying it, approaching and surrounding the cage with just about everyone on the team. Undaunted, the humans slowly advance their cage while the chaos warriors get up, only to be put back down. by the ogre and the blitzers on the line of scrimmage. The ball is knocked loose for a brief time as the two teams slug it out."

"Brawls break out all over the field as the chaos beastmen advance on the cage, ready to tear it and the poor catcher inside it into strings of meat and tendon, but the humans manage to at least advance to midfield before the chaos can get their horns on them. There's a battle on the pitch as Tarja the Jaguar attacks Konstantin and throws him by his horns, then Zengo KOs another beastman as Sassilraxius makes a play for the ball and it bounces back into Rhotetra's waiting hands. Unfortunately he has a beastman right on top of him, so it's not like he's going to hold onto it..."

"Sure enough, a beastman brings Rhotetra and himself down, and we're at the halfway point of the second half. There's a bit of a fight over the ball at midfield as the humans work together to keep up a cage and now the blitzer Growls At His Prey has the ball, standing in the same spot the poor catcher Rhotetra was standing in earlier. It looks like make or break time for the humans, otherwise they're not going to be able to tie the game."

"Make or break time, eh. What's say I make you break like a wishbone?"

"Let's not."

"The chaos surround the cage and systematically dismantle it, leaving Growls with no place to go. No place that is until Tavalorq BACKHANDS a chaos warrior to the astroturf and the rest of the humans rally! There he goes! He's alone with no defense and his speed will NOT be enough to keep him out of reach of two beastmen!"

"Really? Look at that, the linemen bring down a chaos warrior and actually go and defend their ball carrier! It looks like they're learning something out there on the pitch today folks!"

"How much you wanna wager they'll forget it due to short term memory problems later?"

"Not enough to be worth it."

"Like you?"

"..."

"One of the chaos warriors overextends himself and KOs himself in front of the ball carrier, saving him the humility of being blitzed instead. Smartly, Growls heads for the end zone and turns this game into a last ditch 2-1 grind in the closing seconds of the game."

"The humans are angry, and after setting up it's a deep kick to the left side in open territory. The humans use this time to set up a perfect defense to hold off the chaos as long as they can, and... there go the bashings! Blitzer after blitzer go down as the ballcarrier backs up to his own end zone line to keep out of reach of the now-steaming-mad humans. A chaos warrior makes it into the backfield in preparation for a last ditch late game pass."

"But that's what that lone little human catcher is for, getting into the guy's way before getting into the dirt by being..."

(A beastman fails a dodge and the humans capitalize.)

"Nope! The humans are mad! And THERE THEY... uh..."

(Another Doubleskull)

"Okay, maybe nuffle hates humans, who knows."

"The chaos have a final shot. There's the pass... and no good. We end the game on a one one tie and the humans go home with horn impressions beaten into their backs. They survived a brutal matchup and I get the sense this team is going to go somewhere once they play a few more games."

"It sure beats playing with yourself, something I hear Gorgaz is stuck with doing now that he has 20 different restraining orders from the Bloodweiser Babes!"

"Snot, shut up before I do to you what I did to that filthy rodent."

"You finally caught up with him? I thought he was on another planet by now."

"No one gets away from this orc."

"Well yeah, shadowing, diving tackle, tackle, sidestep, jump up..."

(Gorgaz ties a rodent tail around his neck. It's still twitching.)

"This is Gorgaz Toothfang and Snot Sniffly saying come back next time to witness Snot eating more fiber than is healthy!"

"What are you talking about, greenskin?"

(The orc just gestures to the side, where several more wool shirts lie in a jumbled pile and he punches his fist in his other palm.)