Welcome one and all once again to a Blood Bowl bash-fest. It's time once again to see which of two teams is going to increase their skills while the other team just increases the amount of dirt they eat beneath the shoes of the victors. I'm Gorgaz Toothfang here with Snot Sniffly..."

(The skink is coming in to the studio just a little bit late, and dashes into his chair just as the camera turns on him.

"... right. Ok. Today we're in the blackbox a final time, and the match after this one will be in the Stunty Leeg, for a change of pace and something fresh."

"I hardly think anything in THAT league qualifies as "fresh"... when was the last time some of those players took a shower?"

"I'm not even going to ask."

"I'm not even going to go and find out, I'd wind up with Nurgle's Rot."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Worship Nurgle, do we."

"..."

"Today's blackbox encounter is the Teskiomatti, an undead team fresh from the graves, while their opponent is the..."

(Snot checks the rosters.)

"Wait a minute. Are you telling me the HALFTIME SHOW signed on to play a match!?"

"Certainly looks that way. Mister Fun's Halftime Show is set to face off against the dead. An Underworld team, they seem ready to take out their hate of anything that is not themselves on the already dead corpses."

"I hear the only things they hate more than the fans, the ball, us, and the glass panels of the Gigant-O-Tron... are the other members on their team."

"Well, this will be fun to watch them self-implode in a splash of rat blood and squish of goblin bodies."

"Fun for us, at least."

"Hitting them won't make them more dead."

"Given some of the dirty tricks I've seen Underworld pull, you'll learn new ways to tell 'dead and no longer moving' from 'dead but necromantically controlled."

"The undead win the toss and will receive on this beautiful day on the Blood Bowl Pitch... and after a little communication between members they set up preparing to SMASH the Underworlders. The underworld wisely keep most of their strong people off the front line, hoping that the dead hit with all the force of a wet newspaper."

"Wet enough newspapers, compress them, let them dry into cardboard, and you have a mace."

"... and there's the kickoff. The Halftime Show might have some merit after all, because a brilliant fake out allowed them to set up the most perfect of defenses. Now with their edge on the line of scrimmage robbed, the undead focus more on the ball than on hitting. It's a deep kick to the back as the undead begin their rotting march towards the underworld endzone, and almost immediately The Potty Mouth, thrower for the underworld, is knocked out. The troll known as Ringmaster Forklist goes down with a crash from a mummy's... er, hug..."

"That wasn't a hug, did you see how many weapons it had concealed in its wrappings?"

"... and the undead set up for position before a zombie goes down on a bad block and the Underworld capitalizes."

"The Heavy Hand, the other thrower for the Halftime Show blitzes a ghoul in order to get closer, but it is only a pushback as the Crystal Con Artist, linerat, steps between the mummies and goblins rush to the backfield, trying to chase down the ghoul who now has the ball."

"It is to no avail as one of the skaven blitzers, Lion Tamer Leonic, gets smashed by a mummy and is going home for the match in a traction cast. The rest of the undead back up to surround those approaching and the ball. Unafraid, the goblins are coming in for a kill."

"Themselves, or the ghoul with the ball?"

"Both, I hope."

"The Heavy Hand charges but misjudges space and can't get to the ball carrier, so the goblins surround the ghoul and predictably the ghoul dodg--- no, it seems the undead are approaching and are going to hit them instead, spending a little bit of time to set up a cage instead for the ballcarrier to enjoy. The Heavy Hand knocks down a wight, and the goblins go to foul it as He Who Throws Things backs off and FAR from the mummies.

"Who now have a shot at beating the goblins into a pulp as the ballcharrier ghoul tears away... and a goblin grabs his leg! That was funny, did you see that goblin relying on the laws of physics to twist that ghoul around? Spun him like a top!"

"We have a loose ball! Mister Fun's Halftime Show surrounds it after making the ghoul pay for his dodge by KOing him. It's going to be difficult but not impossible for the undead to snatch the ball... and instead they send the mummies after the troll to keep him tied up. I wouldn't worry about the troll, the underworld seems to be ignoring him too."

"With a yank to the balls, the Crystal Con Artist goes down and stays down for the match."

"That was a dirty trick if ever I saw one, but you can't get much dirtier than freshly dug-up corpses."

"Knife Tosser Regis attempts a blitz, looks at a goblin, flips him off, and seems to intentionally fail in order to spite said goblin . With the troll in trouble, the undead get closer and closer to the ball, and it bounces near to a mummy, making it HARD for the underworld to recover it."

"Hard, but not impossible as the other linerat calling himself He who Throws Things attacks a wight called Igor. The attack is successful and the wight goes facefirst to the dirt... and it looks like he's staying down! I can't tell if he's badly hurt or killed... ... no, badly hurt is my guess. They're carting off the still-twitching pieces to the sideline in order to reassemble him."

"Ball's close to the rats of the underworld now, and there are no undead available to wake up and grab it. The troll gets pushed around on the line of scrimmage as the rest of the undead ignore him and try to approach to lend assistance. Knife Tosser Regis isn't being a fool though and stops close to the endzone before he can trip."

"Looks like they're learning from studying the playbooks of the other teams."

"Gino, one of the ghouls, isn't having any of it, and runs in a mad dash alone against the ballcarrier, trying to stop Knife Tosser Regis before the rodent can score. There's the hit and... wow, did you see that? POW!"

"A massive uppercut by the stormvermin sends the ghoul into the air and when he lands it's in five pieces."

"That's the last time THAT necromancer buys bargain basement ghouls!"

"Knife Tosser Regis poses for the crowd, then waltzes into the endzone as halftime hits the airwaves."

(Halftime. The Gigant-O-Tron is mostly static today; it appears someone pitched an ogre through it instead of a halfling. Gnome crews work around the clock to fix it.)

"What idiot told the halftime show they could go and play today? They suck!"

"Both as a halftime show and on the pitch. That was all luck that they got that score."

"The fans don't seem to care, they just enjoy the carnage."

"They certainly can't be enjoying the mystery meat at the food stands (population: another ghoul)."

"The fans are like dogs, they'll eat anything."

"The fans ARE dogs! Look at all the werewolves and ulfwerners in the crowd today!"

(Halftime ends.)

"We're back, and in the second half, the Undead are kicking to the Underworld."

"I wish they'd go BACK to the underworld. Necromancers give me the creeps."

"Yeah. Much like you, they belong there."

"There's the set up, with the goblins on the front line ready to pull off a quick dodge. They're not going to be hitting the zombies."

"The ball is kicked into the air, and it's a short kick to the side. While the Halftime Show are watching it sail through the air, the undead are rapidly doing what the underworld did the first half and set up a perfect defense."

"Another perfect defense... the undead are learning to mimic their opponents!"

"The undead can learn?"

"Certainly more than you can."

"A failed dodge by Barth Burgerface means the undead can advance quickly and recover the ball, now only a short kick's distance behind the troll."

"The mummies pound the troll but there are rats in the backfield to smash the ball out of the remaining wight's hands. Febbo the Great, a goblin, is KOed as the undead begin to build up their confidence for the half. Knife Tosser Regis, taking it upon himself to carry the team, dodges out of the grip of a mummy right next to the ballcarrier as the rest of the underworld go to work on the ghoul next to the wight Frank who carries the ball... and the rest of the dead move up to cover Frank's escape..."

"Goblins are knocked aside as the wight has a clear shot at the end zone. Do the underworld let him go and do a 2-1 grind, or do they try to chase him down..."

"Your question is answered, when Knife Tosser Regis gets knocked back into being surrounded by no less than three corpses. It's up to the goblins and a goblin toss to try to get some defense going before the undead can score."

"The... ha ha ha ha. The thrown goblin lands in the crowd, and the crowd understandably beat the snot out of him as The Heavy Hand, linerat, grabs the ball from Frank the wight."

"It's a futile move, as the undead are within range and SURROUND the poor rat with the ball, aiming on plastering him into the ground, and possibly six feet under the ground instead!"

"BOOM goes the rodent and... wow, he caught the ball! Frank caught the ball while straddled between goblins trying to gnaw at his legs!!"

"Nostrils-on-His-Knees, one of the goblins..."

"Does he actually smell with his knees?"

"He's an underworld player, it wouldn't surprise me if he did."

"Anyway, said goblin is ANGRY and knocks the wight down and there's a fistfight or several on the pitch as the dead use their now vastly superior numbers to overwhelm the Underworlders. There's the score, and we're at a 1-1 tie at the halfway point of the second half."

"Here comes another kick and... pitch invasion! Remember all those wolves I pointed out at halftime! They're... hungry!"

"Most of the undead are down and the warpstone troll Ringmaster Forklift backhands a mummy to start things off."

"The goblins run like hell to the ball while what dead are still standing go to assist or back up into their backfield... some of the goblins are playing sacrificial in order to keep the dead off as Nostrils-on-His-Knees is flattened. The rest of the Underworld try and set up another screen so they can win this one out."

"Knife Tosser Regis moves through the screen expertly, while the goblins knock around the dead to the sidelines... and as the screen is pushed aside, Barth Burgerface AGAIN KOs himself trying to go further than nature intended."

"I assure you, goblins are not natural."

"Neither are you."

"The dead get close and that ghoul WILL need to be dealt with if Knife Tosser Regis is to score a second time here in the closing moments of the game."

"Wait, Nostrils-on-His-Knees tripped moving to force a few dodges! The ballcarrier is open! The ghoul dodges out and goes to block his path and instead the wight, Frank, bumps him back to the sidelines. It's up to Knife Tosser Regis to pull out the win as the horn sounds... there's the dodge for some assistance by He Who Thorws Things... ... ... and no good, the dodge is a fail and mister Regis is sent into the crowd.

"Fortunately he survives the beating easier than the goblin did."

"It's over folks. We're at a 1-1 tie with good play by both teams. The pitch invasion was not enough to help the underworld capitalize in their quest for a win."

"Have you ever SEEN an underworld team win?"

"They have a chance of winning as you do of beating me in an arm wrestling match."

"Well, if I get a Kroxigor to help me, I can mayb-- hey, did that blitzer just grow a claw?"

"And thus, Mister Fun's Halftime Show is on its way to greatness."

"It certainly wasn't all that great before. It drove AWAY fans the last time it was here!"

"This is Gorgaz Toothfang and Snot Sniffly for the Craptastic Bash N' Break Corp'ration..."

(The skink uses a spyglass to see that yes, one of the blitzers has picked up a Claw.)

"... saying, yeah, that's most surely a claw that underworld blitzer grew. Underhanded little rodents."

"The only thing little around here is you, mister stunty."